[quote=rocketrobie2]
I appreciate the criticism :) Sorry about that I'm not the strongest writer but I'll go back and try to make it better.
[/quote]

It's alright, I started out awful, but after two years of doing RPs and writing chapter-based narrative you sort of get the hang of potholes to avoid. If you need it, I can edit your posts and give feedback. That's what I do for my friends' writings.