Okay, we will critique these CS’s in the order that they were received! Check out your hider to see what needs to be done!

[@IceSolstice]
[hider=Natalia Eckhart]
First off, some issues with your character’s personality. There’s not a whole lot of it. Can you expand on how she’s selfish? Not only that, but selfish and loyal tend to be on opposite sides of a personality wheel. A loyal person is devoted and goes out of their way to help and stand by those they’re loyal to, even if it puts themselves in harm’s way. Selfish people, on the other hand, look out for number one. They protect their own interests above all else. Please either elaborate and reconcile these two traits, or pick one over the other. Also, pessimism contradicts pragmatism in a number of ways, the first being that pessimistic people see only the depressing points of life, and thus aren’t as thoughtful or logical as true pragmatists. The word you might be searching for is realist, who sees life without the “filters” of pessimism or optimism. In all, please include more of her personality in general.

Now for her history. Expand on her parents. Why was she raised by a single mother? What was her relationship with her mother? Was there anyone else in her early life? You make it sound as though a single mother working multiple jobs is neglectful, and as many people raised by single mothers will tell you, this is not the case. How did she relate with the neighbor, as that’s the person she spent most of her early life with? Please elaborate some more on her early life and give more reason as to why this would make a 5 year old bitter.

Why would she have no good prospects in her town? Rural life is not a deep appalachia dead-end. What are her ambitions? Why does she feel trapped? Why does she want to leave? There is no real motivation or driving force in her backstory. Also, if her parents are divorced, how does she know nothing of her father? It would be one thing if she was a one-night stand baby, but her parents were married! You can’t erase a marriage certificate. Please clarify again on the backstory with the parents, because this does not make sense or match with previous characterization. Additionally, there’s just not enough here on her motives to attend St. Fortuna’s. She might have the grades, but why does she want to go? This is a very prestigious, very strict, academically intense boarding school. It’s not something you decide on a whim. Please give her just more drive and ambition in general. As it stands, this character simply feels too apathetic. That might be because of the confusing and lacking personality, but I have no idea as to any of her motives.

All in all, your character is an outline. It’s a good start, but it needs more, well, character. Flesh out her personality, pick traits that are more coexistent with each other, and beef up her backstory. Clear up the mystery of her father and fix the contradicting details, and give her more drive and ambition. It can take a lot of moxie to leave a helpless situation, and your character is rather lacking in moxie.
Once these changes are made, we would be glad to review your character again. :)
[/hider]

[@Sorrelmyst]
[hider=Kyra Valtentina Review 3.0]
Thanks for clearing that up. And now, *trumpets sound* Great news! You’re accepted! We’ll move your character to the waiting list ASAP. You can post your character sheet in the characters tab, and we’ll give you your partner and power soon!
[/hider]

[@Republic]
[hider=Ngiwan Ziajk Liep, Vyvyan Imperial Review 2.0]
Much better, thank you for making those edits. *Trumpets sound again* Congratulations! You’re accepted! We’ll move your character to the waiting list ASAP. You can post your character sheet to the character’s tab, and once a new mage is accepted, we’ll partner you up, give you a power, and then you can join the IC with your classmates! Until then, please don’t post in the IC, and if you’re on the waiting list for a over a week, we’ll work out a new arrangement for you. :) [/hider]