[@liferusher]
[hider=Mui Hira review]
First off, let me start with a question.

[b]What. The. Fuck.[/b]

Did you even read our rules? We have it very clear in our rules that abuse, imprisonment, and torture are [u][b]NOT ALLOWED.[/b][/u] Your character has child abuse, emotional abuse, beatings, neglect, domestic abuse, and assault! How could you think ANY of this would be allowed under our rules?! In addition to this, the reason for the abuse is COMPLETELY IMPLAUSIBLE. They hate her because she’s a familiar. Did you forget to read the story too? Mages and Familiars are seen as EQUALS. There is no “lowly familiar”. So not only is your character’s backstory grossly inappropriate and rule breaking, it is just. plain. stupid.

Oh, and lets not forget that after being viciously assaulted by her father, there is ZERO trauma to show for it in her backstory or personality! In fact, let’s cut to her personality right now. She hates when people point out her height? She’s exactly 3 inches below average for a 16 year old girl, and given that she’s apparently asian-coded, is of a perfectly reasonable height for her age! That hatred makes no sense! It also seems like you’re trying to make a tsundere character, but there’s hardly enough personality here for any character! Four sentences, two of which are redundant, and also have no reference to any trauma or abuse she has suffered.

What’s up next? Oh yeah, how about the fact that your character committed criminal assault? This has been said many times before, but if you have a criminal record, [u]you do not get to go to St. Fortuna’s.[/u] There is no way Mui would ever be accepted at the academy for violently snapping and committing a criminal act, even if it was followed with abuse. She would be immediately rejected, especially since this case is apparently of a high enough profile to warrant a LAWSUIT. And apparently the emotional abuse and neglect have been going on her ENTIRE LIFE, but no one cares enough to stop it? Not even the savior uncle? Just wow.

After this traumatic event and lawsuit, your character miraculously has [b][u]0[/u][/b] emotional trauma, and just goes on with her life like nothing fucking happened. Then she takes the money she got from suing her parents (FYI, that is NOT how criminal court cases work) to attend the most prestigious school in the country. Just cause. Just to “train her ability a bit better”. No career plans, no ambitions, and just whipping out $30,000 a year to go to an incredibly intensive boarding school, just like that. I’ve seen Disney Channel movies with more coherency than this. Her sister never gets mentioned again, her parents magically disappear after getting only a year in jail (which is NOT how jail time works, beating your own children is NOT a misdemeanor), and her uncle disappears after helping her with a lawsuit. The family members are all just plot devices. The parents are there to provide suitable angst, the sister is there to make the character feel worse, despite no record of them interacting much at all, and the uncle is there to play superman and save the day. It’s like a soap opera with cardboard cutouts. A cliche sad story with no emotional depth except how awful things are for your character.

Also, you’re missing a very important part of your CS. [b]Where is your quiz?![/b] You MUST attach a quiz to your CS, otherwise this means nothing to us. 

Finally, you don’t have a password. So you didn’t read our rules at all. That explains everything. 

I’m not even going to dignify this CS with a solution. It goes against so many of our rules, personality is too short and redundant, and you don’t even have a quiz. Scrap it and start over again. We’ll give you another chance, but I want a complete CS this time, and I want you to read our rules. If you can’t be bothered to do that, then this simply isn’t the RP for you.
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