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[hr][center][i]19:00, 7 Sept. 2020[/i][/center][hr]
Zoe had been watching the group from as far a distance away as she was allowed, clearly not intending to invite a conversation. Or any human interaction. So that was it, then. The game was over. She had to wonder what sadistic exercise they'd have to deal with next time.

As the alarm rang out, she was quick to turn her gaze towards the source, catching a brief glimpse of the one responsible. Didn't recognise the pink-haired girl. Maybe they were bringing in more people? Seemed like right after the training session was missing the point a little, but then Zoe didn't care to figure out how this place was run. And maybe sparing anyone else the trouble of being made part of that particular session was a good thing. Whoever she was, though, Zoe didn't particularly care. She just knew that this was slowing them down, and that she really wanted to go. Now.

So she shook her head and turned away, disgust and irritation on her face as the guards all freaked out. Her mind was trying to be somewhere else, and the noise was just dragging her back here. She didn't want to think about here. It was easy enough to try and focus on something else, at least until the screaming started. 

Normally she'd care, normally she'd pay more attention, but she needed time. She needed space. Needed everything to just leave. Well, other than the pink-haired girl, who seemed to have reached a whole new level on the whole 'going away' front. And judging by the staff mage's screaming, she hadn't gone anywhere good.

This was bullshit. All of it. What, were they just bringing people in to get rid of them now? Was it all some messed-up joke? Maybe not the staff mages - their concern didn't seem completely faked, anyway. And they weren't the main ones in charge. Of course, her own investment wasn't particularly strong. She didn't know who the girl was. Maybe she'd turn up, although the screaming made that sound a little unlikely.

Part of her wished she'd been able to do it herself. If they didn't need these people anyway, they might as well let her have a shot at-

[color=palevioletred][i]What?[/i][/color]

What was she thinking?

The game, that's all it was. Just the game. Messing with her thoughts. It wasn't a problem. She'd just been in the wrong mindset. Or maybe that was always her mindset now. Training like back there wasn't safe, she knew that much. Not if she was like this. It shouldn't have happened.

Zoe hardly waited for Freddy to finish speaking before she took off, troubled and angry behind the apparent boredom on her face. Angry at the staff, at the guards, at the class, at the director, the whole goddamn facility, and at herself most of all. She knew it wouldn't be as frantic in the morning, once she'd cooled off. It never was. But that was always going to take time. Once she was alone, she could at least stop pretending things were fine for a few hours.

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[hr][center][i]23:00, Sept. 7 2020[/i][/center][hr]

Zoe couldn't sleep. She didn't know how late it was, but she'd been pacing around her room for hours. Angry, but not at anyone else. It was easier when it was something like that, something she could fight, but fighting was what brought her to this in the first place. She told herself it wasn't what she'd wanted, but the statement felt hollow.

[color=palevioletred][i]What the hell is wrong with me?[/i][/color]

It wasn't, but it was. It hadn't been the plan, she'd left the others out to dry, she'd undoubtedly fucked everything in sixteen different ways. She'd let everyone else see her as an unhinged, deranged sadist. A psychopath who'd kill them as soon as look at them. There'd been time to pull back, to stop. But she didn't want to, even this long after the fight. No, she wanted to do it again.

But it wasn't as bad as it could be. Not now. She'd hurt. She'd managed to hurt him, and some of it went away but it wasn't enough. The feeling was stronger now than it should have been - Why was it stronger? Why did things keep changing? It had been different. The vision, what she'd seen. It had been [i]more[/i], and that scared her. She was scared, but she had to be fearless. Had to be proud. Had to be the girl that could look death in the eyes and punch its goddamned teeth in. 

[color=palevioletred][i]They can't see this.[/i][/color]

Her fist slammed against the wall. And then again, and again. Dull thumps pounding uselessly against the surface. The noise wasn't important to her. Neither was the numb, aching pain that accompanied each blow - but that was what she focused on. It was real, pain. Understandable. But it didn't help. It wouldn't stop the smile that crossed her face at the thought of bones breaking, the laugh that accompanied the sound of tearing flesh. It wouldn't make anything right. Wouldn't make [i]her[/i] right. But it was numb, and it was real, and it was better than being afraid.

In the morning, she could get up. She could do her best to fix things, to act like everything was okay, to figure it all out. Maybe it was pretending things were fine that had gotten her into this mess to begin with, but it was all she had to hold on to. It meant she could keep them away, that they wouldn't give her the chance to hurt them. Even as she told herself that, it didn't quite ring true. She didn't want this, didn't want to stand alone. To be alone.

But she couldn't keep doing this. This couldn't happen again, she couldn't let herself do this again. If she could just back off, then that wouldn't be a risk.

God, she really was a selfish bitch. The problem should have been easy to fix, but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. They smiled and laughed and cared and cried and she could hurt them so, so easily - so why couldn't she just [i]stay away[/i]?

Stopping her ineffective assault on the wall, she almost felt like laughing. Good one, Zoe. Just throw a tantrum like a goddamn kid, that'll fix things.

It really was funny how pathetic it all felt. She couldn't even feel sickened at anything she'd done, anything that had happened. It'd be easier if she didn't want to help, if she could just act like they didn't matter at all, that none of this was important. That it was all just some experiment, a pet project that didn't mean anything. It'd make things so much easier. But for all of her anger, her arrogance, her eagerness to fight, Zoe just couldn't stop herself from caring and that scared her. Yeah, that scared her more than anything.

As her anger finally burned itself out, she felt cold resolve settling over her. Collapsing back onto the bed, exhausted by it all, one thing was certain in her mind. She had to be stronger. For everyone else's sake, she had to be willing to go further than they ever would to keep everyone alive. But something like today, where she let herself focus that resolve at the wrong place, where she started to hurt the wrong people?

She couldn't do this again.

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