"Rise and shine, kiddo!"

Light poured in through the window. Arandur refused to open his eyes. "Just a few more minutes, ma..." he murmured.
"But I made bacon."
There was some shuffling under the covers. "Say wha-?"
"You heard me. I made bacon. Say you love me."
Arandur sat up, eyes still tightly shut. "Hold up, I smell a rat. You want me up early for something important and probably embarrassing, so you bribe me with bacon to get it."
"That's about the long and short of it, yes. You want bacon or not?"
"Say bacon one more time."
"Bacon!"
"Okay, I guess I love you, ma."
"I love you too, hun. Get dressed and go greet your father."
"He's home?"
"No, son, his ghost arrived in town last night and is staying for the rest of the month. Of course he's here!"

The young elf opened one eye to give his mother a suspicious glare. His mother, a beautiful silver-haired elf, leaned against the door frame and stared back at him with an amused twinkle in her eye. "You missed him," she teased.
"I bet you miss him more," he retorted. "Unless you two were just randomly banging on the walls last time he was here."
She lifted an eyebrow, then turned to leave. "Tsk! What a dirty mind you have. Come join us for breakfast when you're ready."

About fifteen minutes later, he trotted down the spiral staircase into the dining hall. Servants bustled in the kitchen, and he could hear his mother chatting easily with them. More of interest to the young elf was the individual seated at the head of the thirty-two-seat banquet table. His gray tunic still bore all its old tears and patches, and his brunet ponytail hung over one shoulder just like he remembered.

Noting the distinct lack of friends and relations present for breakfast, Arandur locked eyes with the older elf.

"Welcome home, pa."

The older elf put down his newspaper and cracked a half smile. "It's about dam time you showed up. Get over here." Arandur marched over and embraced him. It was a rare quarter when his father, Lord Astran Valderis, got to return home for a full month, and it usually meant either something exciting or something troubling. Or both, given their luck lately. The servants deposited breakfast at three places on the table and left, and true to Erudessa's word, Arandur's breakfast contained a hearty helping of bacon with a poached egg on the side.

They all sat down and began to dig in. Arandur spoke first. "So what's this important business that brings you all the way back here?"
Astran cleared his throat. "Marriage."
Arandur nearly choked on his food. "What? Isn't one wife enough for you?"
A vicious kick from his mom under the table told him exactly what she thought of that joke. His father was a good bit more affable about it. "Ha ha ha! Of course she's enough, more than enough! In fact-"
Astran grunted in pain and bent over to massage his hurting leg. "Anyways, I was referring to your marriage...that hasn't happened yet."
Arandur glanced around at the empty table. "So that's why we're up so early - to talk about girls before all the horny teenagers start begging you to bless their latest crushes."
His parents shared a knowing look. Astran replied, "In their defense, your cousins and siblings are just as lonely as you are."

Arandur put down his utensils and crossed his arms. "Okay, let's get this over with. Who'd you pick out this time? Please don't tell me it's another prudish high elf from central Faeland."
Astran placed a folder on the table. "It's not. This one is human."
The younger elf let his jaw hang open. "You put together a whole dossier on her!?"
Astran shrugged and stole a glance at Erudessa. "Yeah. Honestly, I thought you'd be more upset it wasn't an elf girl. And why not put a dossier together? It's a good idea. You can read it over whenever you want."
Mother shrank in her seat and poked at her egg. "It sounded like a good idea at the time..."
"But...SPYING!" came the youth's objection.
"So?" Erudessa piped up. "It's not illegal. Everyone does it."
"You've got to be kidding me. Okay, I don't even want to know how you got this information. Just tell me what you found."
__________

Next thing he knew, he was standing outside the castle gate, wearing his best toga and strong-armed by patriarchal authority to say the dumbest thing he'd ever said in his life.

"Princess!" he shouted.

"I've come a-courtin'!"