Congratulations, you now have the worlds smallest bottle of water. You take pictures of it in order to show it off online. Everyone screams "fake and gay!" But you're not discouraged, not yet. You decide to show it to some people in real life. Unbeknownst to you at the time, you knock the worlds smallest bottle onto your kitchen floor. You step on it, which in turn, breaks it open. You slip and hit your head on the edge of a kitchen countertop. Your body is found two months later because you have no friends.

I wish that staying a virgin until an individual turned thirty truly did grant  that said individual some badass magical powers.