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A bubble of panic had welled up in Aaron’s chest by the time he reached his bedroom. He threw open his closet and began to go through his clothes, trying to figure out what to wear. In the back of his mind, he felt dread slowly rising. He had just agreed to go to a nightclub, a place normally packed to the gills with people, on a weekend. As he dug through his closet, neatly folding each shirt he unearthed and replacing it, he thought of how he’d escape the place if he had a panic attack. They’d have to get a table near the front of the club, near the doors, preferably (that said, he hoped it had multiple exits). He wouldn’t drink, that way if he got trapped alone he’d have a clear mind. Maybe he’d get a coffee - no, coffee would just make him jittery and more likely to panic. 

[i] ‘Oh god, I just don’t like crowds,’ [/i] he thought. [i] ‘Please, God, don’t let too many people be there. Don’t let too many people be there. Don’t let too many people be there.’[/i] 

Aaron found a light grey button-down shirt and black slacks. He changed his underwear, pulled on the slacks, and, remembering he had forgotten to do laundry, ran across the room to his hamper with one arm in his shirt. As he pulled his shirt on, Aaron ran across the apartment to the laundry room, a small closet just adjacent to the kitchen. He started the laundry, put on his shirt, and stood in the bathroom mirror for five minutes, staring at his forehead. A single bead of sweat had dropped down from Aaron’s hairline and was crawling down his forehead towards his eyebrow, accumulating wax as it fell. Quickly he wiped it off and scrubbed his face with a rough washcloth. Then he brushed his teeth. Six minutes later, he looked up from the running water to see the brush limply hanging from his mouth. His face was white as cotton. 

After leaving the bathroom, Aaron sat on his bed for fifteen minutes and drank a cup of chamomile tea from an oversized clay mug. He put on grey socks and black loafers. Aaron stood in the mirror for four minutes and breathed slowly. He thought about whether his clothes were too formal, if he should wear a blazer, if a tie would be too much, what kind of drink he would order, what color the tables would be, what color Lily’s dress would be, if Lily would wear a dress, and if people at the club would think he was on a date with Lily. It was about this time that Aaron realized he had probably been tricked into going on a date with someone he had no romantic interest in. This, as one could imagine, only added to his anxiety, and Aaron decided that this much stress and uncertainty was too much for him. He picked up his phone to text Lily and tell her he couldn’t come. Maybe he’d fake a headache or a cough or a big order coming in for the shop. He then thought about how many orders came in today that he would have to do tomorrow morning, and how long they would take to do. Aaron thought about payrolls and taxes and health insurance and by the time he shook himself from his frenzy of anxiety a lime green Toyota Camry was double parked outside of The Chandlery. 

[i][b] “Here!” [/b][/i] The text from Lily read. Aaron got the sudden feeling of being trapped on a rollercoaster at the top of the high hill, waiting for the drop and knowing there is nothing he can do to escape his fate. He resorted to stuffing his right pocket with a cloth handkerchief and running down the stairs. By the time he left The Chandlery and locked the door behind him, Lily was standing outside of her car, her arms crossed about her chest. She was wearing a frilly seafoam green cocktail dress that ended an inch above her knee, and gold heels. Several thing, golden bangle bracelets hung on her left wrist. Her makeup was shocking well-done considering she’d had only an hour to prepare, and her hair was done in a French braid. She looked quite beautiful, Aaron thought. 

“Hey!” Lily shouted. “You look great!” 

“Uh, thanks,” Aaron replied. “That dress goes so well with your eyes.” Lily blushed and shuffled to the driver’s side of the car. Aaron opened the passenger’s side door and sat down. Luckily, the sun had begun to go down and the night was quite cool, otherwise he would already have started melting. He buckled himself in and Lily took off down the street towards Strongriver Plaza and the Golden Throne. The radio was playing a pop song that Aaron did not recognize. 

“So how was work?” Lily asked. Aaron looked up as if startled. 

“Oh! Uh, yeah, it was okay,” he replied. “The shop has been doing really well lately.” 

“Oh, good to hear,” Lily’s voice trailed off. Aaron looked extremely nervous. She knew him to be an anxious person, though, so it wasn’t particularly surprising to her. Aaron, meanwhile, racked his brain for a nice way to say that this was not a date. The last thing he wanted to do was upset Lily, especially when they were driving down a busy street in a busy hour of the evening. Accidents happened all the time on this street, and who knows what causes them. 

[hr]

They drove mostly in silence. Occasionally Lily would ask Aaron small questions, and he would reply with small answers. A song would come on the radio and Lily would gently hum it for a few moments before stopping and putting her eyes back on the road. Aaron stared down at his feet, his face stark white. It was terribly awkward. They pulled up to The Golden Throne a few minutes after eight and parked the car. Before they got out, Lily looked over at Aaron. 

“Hey,” she said. “You seem a little nervous. Is something up?” Aaron’s eyes grew wide. He wiped his brow with the handkerchief. [i] ‘Tell her now!’ [/i] Aaron thought to himself. [i] ‘Tell her that you don’t like her before it’s too late! You can still save yourself man! This rollercoaster hasn’t gone over the hill yet and you can unbuckle that seatbelt!’ [/i] He opened his mouth, then closed it. Then he wiped his brow again. 

“Uh, it’s nothing,” Aaron said. “Just, uh, shop stuff I guess.” 

“Oh,” Lily said. In her head she heaved a sigh of relief. “Well hey, none of that matters right now. Just take a deep breath and get that stuff off your mind. We’re here to have fun, y’know? Everything’s gonna be alright.” She put her hand on top of his and squeezed. He gasped when she grabbed for his hand, but the gesture succeeded at making him feel calmer. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Then the two of them got out of the car and walked towards the club. On the way there, Lily tried to hold Aaron’s hand, so he put them both in his pockets and pretended not to notice. One thing was for certain, though; this was a date, and somehow he had to get out of it. Whatever confidence Aaron had was slowly draining as he thought of how he’d get out of this situation. 

By the time they arrived inside the club, DJ Rebel Diamond had begun his set, and there wouldn’t be another set of autograph signings until the set was over. The two got a table and ordered drinks. Lily ordered a margarita, and after thinking on it for a few minutes Aaron just got a water. They sat near the front of the restaurant, not far from the front doors. Lily wanted to be closer to the dance floor, but Aaron insisted. He looked much more nervous now that he was in the club, and she didn’t want to push it. Aaron still didn’t have the courage to tell her how he felt, and it was starting to make him feel awful embarrassed. 

“This music is, a little loud,” Aaron said. “But it’s not too bad from over here.” 

“Yeah, I guess,” Lily said. She sounded let down. 

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said. “Clubs aren’t really my element.” 

“That’s okay,” Lily said. “I just thought this would be fun I guess.” There was a lull in the conversation. Lily was feeling nervous now too. She didn’t want this date to be a flunk. “So, what do you usually do for fun?” 

“Uh,” This was a tougher question than it sounded. “I don’t really go out much, and work takes up a lot of my time, so I don’t have a whole lot of free time these days.” This was a lie. Work was incredibly easy for him and took little time, but he didn’t want to admit to spending his evenings watching Netflix and playing video games. 

“Oh yeah, I figured,” Lily said. “Running a business must be so tough.” 

“It is, really,” Aaron replied. “But I really enjoy it. I love making art for people.” Lily’s eyes lit up at the mention of art. The drinks came. Lily and Aaron both ordered the same cobb salad. 

“That’s such a wonderful thing, though!” Lily shouted. “I would love to spend my days making art for people!”

“I figured as much. You’re a graphic design major, right?” 

“Yeah! I dream of one day working in concept art for Sony.” She closed her mouth and looked down. “Oh god, that’s really nerdy though, sorry!” 

“Really?! That’s amazing!” Aaron exclaimed. 

“Yeah, I’m a total Playstation baby,” Lily replied. “I guess that’s not so weird to you, though.” They talked about game companies for a solid ten minutes until their salads arrived. Though Aaron still strongly wished he wasn’t out in public like this, Lily was really fun to talk to.

 [i] ‘Maybe this won’t be so bad after all,’ [/i] Aaron thought. 

[b][i] ‘No, it will be. You’ll fuck it up soon and then she’ll realize that you’re leading her along.’ [/i] [/b]

[i] ‘I mean, I might as well have some fun talking to her. [/i] 

[b][i] ‘Yeah, before you break her heart and tell her you like dick.’ [/i] [/b] 

[i] ‘You always put that in such a crass way. Just leave me alone.’ [/i] 

[b][i] ‘I’m inside your head. I can’t leave you alone.’ [/i][/b]