[quote=@POOHEAD189]
Well THIS took forever. But I finally got it done. That was a long backstory. 
For your consideration, my 2nd character :rock

[hider=Thieving Spellsword]
[center][h3][u]   Allen Blackmoore    [/u][/h3][/center]
[center][sup][sup][h3]Male, Breton/Redguard| 26| The Tower[/h3][/sup][/sup][/center]

[sub][h2][b]P[/b]rofile[/h2][/sub]
[sup][sup][sup][hr][/sup][/sup][/sup]

[b][u] Birthplace           [/u][/b]

[indent]High Rock[/indent]

[b][u] Appearance         [/u][/b] 

[hider=Thief Garb][center][img]https://68.media.tumblr.com/26738ace970d69295d763ee736193ea3/tumblr_opixutzIgh1sx8o26o2_500.jpg[/img][/center][/hider]
[hider=Warrior Garb][center][img]https://68.media.tumblr.com/f71f77ae205734ea452277f0e7e5269f/tumblr_opixutzIgh1sx8o26o1_540.png[/img][/center][/hider]

[indent]While he would be considered a fairly light skinned resident of Hammerfell, or perhaps a particularly suntanned Imperial from the southern regions, his caramel coloring causes Allen to stick out like a sore thumb in provinces such as Skyrim, or his home in HighRock. He has mannish features, though his Breton heritage allows him to retain a youthful appearance. Allen sports a trim and athletic physique, with dark eyes and shoulder length, unkempt black hair he keeps tied in the back. While his lips are a bit fuller, and his physique is sturdier than the average Breton, save his light chocolate skin, he looks very much akin to them. Some consider him quite handsome, though others find him unnerving by his mixed heritage.[/indent]

[b][u] Personality          [/u][/b]

[indent]Allen's personality, while often pragmatic and with a calm and collected demeanor, stems from a very rebellious and mischievous upbringing. He isn't afraid to question authority, or to undermine it if he genuinely sees it as the best course of action. He knows just how pivotal a chain of command is, and would only do so under extreme circumstances, something that he has become more cautious with in recent years due to the need to keep contracts. 

He shares the belief that his fellow Bretons do, that with hard work and a little luck, one can aspire to greatness. He enjoys learning, and has a curiosity that many thought would be the death of him in High Rock. He enjoys learning other cultures, and making himself a melting pot of skills and ideas, simply because he feels that such diversity defines him. Being a bastard in a society of such tightly wrought places in society, he felt more fluid and freer in many ways than his family members. He began to use his half parentage as a means of strength, rather than a weakness to be exploited, and took pride at being unique among them. 

While he relies on trustworthy tactics and equipment, he cannot help but feel a tug of wonder when it comes to dangerous concoctions or magic artifacts. Sometimes he catches himself doing very daring things, knowing that improvisation is key to surviving. Luckily, he improvises quite good he's discovered. Allen makes fast friends, and isn't above a good drink in a tavern or banter during a job or engagement. In fact, he quite enjoys one liners and having the upper hand in both verbal and martial duels. However, to many common folk, he seems married to his various jobs and sometimes unapproachable. He theorizes that's mainly because he cannot seem to stop his pursuit of his many interests, which leaves many others wondering what on Nirn could keep him busy so often.[/indent]

[b][u] Background         [/u][/b]

[indent]Allen never knew his mother, only being in her care for a few short months before his father left for High Rock. He had been told that due to his mother's low station in life, it was best if he was taken back to High Rock and live among the Nobility. His father was William Blackmoore of Daggerfall, one of the minor Lords within the Kingdom. He sired 5 sons, all true heirs save one. William had extensive dealings of trade in the city of Skaven, and one day brought back a babe, who grew to truly look very much like his father, William. 

Because he was not a true born heir, many did not take Allen seriously despite his Breton name and features. He was often poked fun of as a child, at least by other Highborn. He took to a life of mischief, discovering he had quite the ability and enjoyment of climbing. The young Allen would often be discovered in someone's home upon the second story window, or perhaps on their roof to simply bask in the sun or watch the stars at night. He would often take food from the table at his house before his more esteemed family members, which in turn led to him becoming quite the food thief in the city (which caused his father two counts of embarrassment, and angry rants at Allen that he would never forget.)

His father did not mistreat him truly, however he did not treat him as well as his brothers. Claiming that as a bastard, this was simply the way things were, and that he loved him regardless deep down. His father knew that with such mixed blood, to make Allen a representative of the household would simply not do. However, William deemed that Allen would be a Captain of the Guard and protector of his more true born brothers, and perhaps would be accepted into a Knightly Order when he came of age, so as to bring more esteem to the family. So the Lord had Allen trained in swordplay, and tested in magic when he was very young. Thankfully, Allen's Breton heritage did not betray him here, for his magic potential was not lacking. 

For what it was worth, Allen enjoyed learning these skills. He was taught to read and write, but he was not encouraged to become more learned any further. Allen did that on his own volition, reading subjects such as history, and alchemy (though he never did practice much), and treatises on swordplay and magic use. He was inducted into the Mages Guild at the age of 16, and it was there he met his first love. A Breton woman by the name of Nalia. Things seemed to be looking up for Allen, but the Divines had different plans that Allen slowly came to realize. 

Perhaps it was an overwhelming sense of wanderlust that seemed to take him. He could only learn so much of the wider world through books, he knew. Perhaps it was because his new love, his new capabilities, were too good. He was not used to such a feeling, nor did he feel he deserved it. The Nine did give more concrete evidence it was nearing the end of one of his cycles in life, with the loss of two of his brothers over a three year period. 

He was only 16 when his closest and older brother Beric disappeared. One day, he had simply vanished without a trace. This was something that hit Allen like a mace. He had been Allen's closest friend, and sometimes even a mentor. They'd both had a rebellious streak growing up, something that Allen had not (nor would he) grown out of. Lord Blackmoore looked high and low throughout the city, but they never found traces of Beric. Allen was glad his father went to such lengths to find his older brother, but deep down, he wondered if the Lord would have done the same for him...

It was nearing his 19th birthday when the news reached him that his oldest brother had been assassinated. It came as a shock to many, for he had been an upstanding citizen and seemingly had no rivals, nor offended anyone. It was not until later that love notes with Jezebel Falthoren of the Daggerfall Falthoren Merchant Company were discovered. Her suitor was Donovan Kirkwall, a high ranking Knight in the Ironbrothers. The death of his oldest brother hit him hard, as it did his father. Unfortunately, his father began to blame Allen, citing that it was Allen's duty to keep tabs on his family, to protect them. It was his only duty, and he had failed. Father and son had such a heated argument that the common folk could hear it on the street passing by. It was later that night that Allen made a rash decision. He grabbed a small fortune of his father's money, only as much so it wouldn't be missed but just enough to give him some security, and he fled. He left the city, unable to go against his yearnings to break free any longer. He did not even tell Nalia, for fear of her rejection, for he would have asked her to go with him. Even to this day, he regrets that, and later swore to himself that he would never run from a loved one again. 

He arrived in Hammerfell, hiring himself out as a guard for a caravan traveling through Bangkorai. He made it to the city of Skaven within the month. He had never been, and while deep within his heart he hoped he would find his mother, he knew he was here because it was the only convenient place he could end up at the moment. Still, he made the best of it. He sold his sword whenever he could, stealing food when in need but trying to keep his criminal activities to a minimum. Even a few months in the city, he realized the politics of Hammerfell was very abrupt and dangerous. The Crowns and The Forebears were often at odds with one another, though the Crowns seemed to fancy themselves as the rulers of Skaven. 

He would remain in Skaven for a year, lending himself out as an extra sword for scouts or caravan guard duty, learning just how the warriors of Hammerfell fought. He went into mock combat with them once or twice, finding their dueling tactics fierce and tough to beat, and very unorthodox. While he wasn't helpless against them, after sparring, and then needing to fight Redguard raiders twice over the course of a year, he understood why they were referred to as the most feared warriors on Tamriel. These were his mother's people, and he felt somewhat more whole with having lived so very close to them. 

A year had gone by, and the sun was just fading into the night as Allen made his way back from the marketplace. It seemed the fate decided he'd been walking in the wrong alleyway, for he was jumped by two Redguards. Without thought to the consequences, he unleashed his magic to defend himself (as well as his sword of course) and ran through one of the men, and the other ran.  

To his growing horror, he realized just who he had killed. Kneeling down, he found the black and crimson sash of the Duskmoons, a group of Highwaymen and bandits that had made a name for themselves as ruthless cutthroats. Upon further inspection, he realized this man was Frajid, the cousin of the Duskmoon leader, Jara. The one that got away would tell him who killed his cousin, and worse yet, that Allen was a mage. 

He went into hiding, taking no more contracts and keeping to himself. The sun would rise and fall, and he would do his best to go near none of his usual haunts, which meant he decided to go to the one place that he had never been. Essentially, it was where the Crowns resided, the section of the city with the upper class. Towering spires, circular and oval in nature surrounded him like vast trees. Palaces stood between them, like soaring tidal waves of incredible architecture. He couldn't help himself, and began exploring, looking for good places to steal a trinket or two. The Crowns were not wanting, they would not miss a few jewels would they? He staked out the buildings, sleeping at the top of one of the spires. He could remain unseen if he wished, and so far his little project in the High Class area of Skaven was keeping his throat from being slit by the Duskmoons, who were surely looking for him now. 

One night, he lay trying to sleep atop one of the spires, merely gazing at the moon and wondering what Nalia was doing. If she was looking at the same moon... 
He shook the notion out of his head, and not moments after he had taken himself out of his reverie did he see a curious figure moving through the shadows. 
Not below, for even he couldn't see the street well from so high up. But across. Upon one of the other spires, a lithe figure climbed expertly. As he made his way into the moonlight, Allen could see a wicked Knife clenched in the man's teeth. 

Allen acted on impulse, making his way down his own spire and upon the closest parapet, his footfalls silent as he traversed the architecture to chase this man who must have had ill intent. He was halfway up the spire in pursuit when he heard a distant cry, and the young Spellsword thief pushed himself to greater speed. Moments later, he vaulted through the oddly shaped window into the chambers of a beautiful Crown woman, who was fighting for her life against this black clad assassin. 

She was trained well, having held her own with her curved blade for close to a minute. But any misstep and the Knife wielder would have her. Allen leaped, and sliced the man on the back, causing him to stagger forward, right into the woman's blade. It erupted out of his back, and he slumped forward. 

Allen asked if she was harmed, and she shook her head, unable to decipher if Allen was an enemy or not. He explained he was...in trouble in other parts of the city and thought to remain here, to stay hidden. He had seen this man climbing up, and went to investigate. She believed him, introducing herself as Savranah Mirel, and offered one of her necklaces in thanks for his good timing and helping hand. He was going to deny it, because in good faith he was probably going to steal what she was going to give him just then anyway. But...he was a bit enthralled by how pretty she was, and he let her go and get it without saying a word. As she went to fetch it, he slipped the Duskmoon sash onto the dead man's belt, to give the Duskmoons something to worry about now. 

When she presented him with the necklace, they both shared a smile, and he graciously accepted. "On one condition," he told her. 
"What's that?" she asked. 
"Tell whoever asks, it was stolen." he said with a grin and a wink. She was confused, but nodded. He disappeared out the window, with a new jewel and perhaps a reputation.

Naturally, he couldn't stay here, and traveled to Helgathe. It reminded him of the coastal cities of High Rock somewhat, and he stayed there for a time. Two months, he reckoned. 
The first two weeks in, he began wearing the jewel the High born had given him. He had thought to sell it, but there was a sense of honor, and indeed haughty arrogance, that had him keep it to wear. 
His arrogance, for once, rewarded him. He feared hunters going after him, but instead he received a small contract from what he later to learn was the thieves guild. Despite his thieving and roguish behavior in his younger years, he never did seek the Guild, nor was he sought after. It seemed the reputation of his last altercation had caught up with him. 

Once he had stolen a mere trinket from one of the more fortified towers overlooking the city, he began to take other jobs and he gained a few contacts, though when he found an opportunity to earn a living another way, he took it. Not because thieving wasn't exciting, but he found he wanted a blade in his hands again. 
He set up as a crewman and hired sword for the ship called the SilverSaber. It was a warship now used for hauling cargo up and down Hammerfell and Cyrodiil. He only felt it was going to be a temporary job, perhaps for a few months. Allen spent three years in the crew, working his way up from deckhand to Quartermaster, and fighting in four engagements, one where he was grievously sick in, and he managed to kill one Imperial who went bellow decks to the crews quarters. 

It was nearing his fourth year when they took a special job to haul cargo to Elsweyr. Unfortunately, the ship was badly damaged in a storm and could not make it to its destination. Most of the crew drowned, but a few managed landfall on the shores of Elsweyr. It was a strange land, hot and humid with lowlands surrounded by lone hills of jungle. He was one of the few to live, and couldn't find more than a few corpses having washed ashore. He had kept a hand on his sword, but it was badly soaked and he set it in the sun for a long while to make sure it had as little rust as possible. 

He made his way into the countryside and to Torval, where he was cared for by a Khajiit named J'zin-Dar and his three children. During his state of heat exhaustion and starvation, he heard many strange rumors around town that confirmed the rumors he had heard at sea. Many Khajiit were disappearing into the wilderness for no true reason. He found himself in the position to find out why. Once he was healthy, he felt compelled to offer his help. On his honor, and with a few other Khajiit to aid him, they went out in search of recent disappearances. 

One week out in their venture, they found Khajiit and Man tracks near one of the jungle hills further east, inland. They found an entrance under the waterfall of vines, making their way in, until they found themselves in a surprisingly dank cavern. 

Allen and the Khajiit with him explored the lower depths of the hillside cavern, finding small sleeping areas and bags of supposedly stolen goods, but no people. That is, until they made it three corridors deep, and found the cavern they were in sloping upwards. It led to an upper landing that overlooked the inner canyon of a large cavern. At the center of it was nearly a dozen bound Khajiit, and swordsmen discussing heatedly on how to deal with the intruders that had tripped their traps. 

Many of them ran outwards to find those who dare intruded on what was transpiring here. J'zin-Dar and the other Khajiit went back to ambush them, for there was no other way out than where the captors were headed. Allen promised them he would free the Khajiit captives, and he shimmied down the upper cavern to the lower canyon, his sword drawn as he cautiously approached. 

He was met with a familiar voice, surprised to see him in this far away land. Allen couldn't believe his ears, or eyes, when he turned to see his older brother, Beric. He greeted him as his old self, embracing Allen and asking him why he was here. Allen explained he was here for the Khajiit, and Beric promptly told him he was here for the same. It took Allen a few moments to realize just what Beric meant, and the implications of it... 

Allen was almost too slow to block the casual blow Beric sent at one of the bound Khajiit. The steel clashed together, and the two Brothers drifted apart with their swords raised. Beric asked Allen why he was stopping him. He claimed that this was the reason he truly left, and that their father wouldn't have understood. To pursue conjuration and it's power, and to gain life through necromancy. Who would miss these wayward Khajiit? Especially in Beric's attempts at power that far outstripped the cost. He thought Allen would understand. 
 
Allen couldn't speak. His throat was too tight. Instead, he shook his head. It was the answer that began Beric's attack, and the two fought before the bound Khajiit, swords lit up with magicka as they clashed with whirring blades. Beric sliced through Allen's defenses after a long duel, but the movie had him lower his guard. Allen stabbed backwards, gutting Beric who was about to finish him. 

He had killed his brother. Something that would haunt him for the rest of his life. The freeing of the Khajiit and the slaying of the Necromancer guards did nothing to make him feel better, and he barely stayed for a thanks and a night's sleep before he was back on the road. This time heading Northward. 

He traveled through the lands of Cyrodiil, heading along the northward roads until he came upon the Black Road leading to Chorrol. He barely made it past a few bandits, and arrived in Chorrol to find Knights holding trials for those who wished to join their chapter, named the 'Knights of the Silver Fist." Allen still felt the wound in his soul from killing his brother, and being a disappointment to his father. Perhaps joining the ranks of these Knights would help ease his guilt, for he had run from the Knightly tradition of his homeland. It was a Grand Melee, and Allen was one of three who were allowed to join their ranks by its end. 

His tenure as a Knight was far more boring than he had expected. He patrolled more than he fought, though the Black Road was filled with bandits if one only knew [i]when[/i] to look. He fought alongside his fellow Knight in a few engagements, battling with them for over half a year and gaining their trust. It was one sunny day when Allen had been sent by his chapter to errand a message back to Chorrol from the Orange Road. It would be a days ride from their current encampment, and he nearly made it before he came upon footpads robbing a Dunmer merchant. There were four in all, but Allen came upon them from their flanks in a surprise attack, opening with a ball of fire and searing the leader from the onset. With that, he charged forward on his warhorse to cut one down before he could properly defend himself. 

The Dunmer merchant attempted to flee, but was stabbed by one of the highwaymen as Allen fought the second, finishing them both individually after having received a rough gash across his head and shoulder, as well as a stroke upon his blade that had broken it through its center. He wiped the blood from his vision, but realized he could not heal the wound in the dying Dunmer merchant. Galen told the Dunmer he was a Knight of the Silver Fist, and that he would be there for the Dunmer in his last moments. It was the least he could do. The Dunmer thanked him, but asked two boons of Allen. To take a letter to the Dunmer's sister in Dawnstar (named Ferain, a smith), and to take his fine steel longsword as a gift for Allen's aid. 

It was a week later Allen left the Knights, traveling northward with his new blade and a final mission. He had just given the Dunmer's sister her letter, and has been in Dawnstar for only a day, having heard of a band led by one named Ashav...
 
[/indent]

[sub][h2][b]C[/b]apabilities[/h2][/sub]
[sup][sup][sup][hr][/sup][/sup][/sup]
[indent]
[b][u] Skills                              [/u][/b] 

[indent][list]
[*]One Handed Blade (Expert)
[*]Alteration (Adept)
[*]Enchanting (Adept)
[*]Sneak (Adept)
[*]Acrobatics (Apprentice)
[*]Light Armor (Novice)
[*]Atheltics (Novice)
[*]Pick Pocketing (Novice)
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Weaknesses                  [/u][/b]

[indent][b]Risk Taker[/b]: While he isn't an idiot, and indeed knows the value of a sneak attack, he tends to fight more enemies than he can handle, overestimating his abilities. He sometimes performs maneuvers that could endanger himself, such as leaping upon an enemy from up high or fighting on uneven footing.

[b]Criminal/Incriminating Record[/b]: He is a known thief in Hammerfell, and a known escapee (and granted, thief) from High Rock. While it is unlikely he will be pursued to Skyrim, he knows he's made many enemies and pursuers over the years. Someday it might come back to bite him in the ass.

[b]Conjuration Hatred/Fear[/b]: Due to his time in Hammerfell, as well as the incident with his late brother Beric, he has an uncomfortable relationship with Conjuration, which borderlines on a phobia when it comes to Necromancy. It brings him vivid dreams of mutilated innocents and his brother's tarnished image laughing at him.

Hero Complex: He's far less of a hero than most Knights or Goodly Crusaders, but he has a nasty habit (at least in his opinion) of getting involved in things he shouldn't to help others. He has a soft spot for helping women in need, though it's not done him a disservice...so far.[/indent]

[b][u] Spells                             [/u][/b]

[indent][list]
[*]Feather
[*]Shield
[*]Water Walking
[*]Water Breathing
[*]Open
[*]Healing (Novice)
[*]Fireball (Novice)
[*]Fire (Sword Enchantment)
[*]Storm (Sword Enchantment)
[*]Banish (Sword enchantment)
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Tactics                            [/u][/b] 

[indent]Allen has always been varied on how he chooses to fight his foes, due to his wide ranging skill-set of spells and melee attacks. When fighting a single opponent, he tends to fight one on one via his sword, though he isn't above using enchantments on his blade. If he is fighting multiple opponents, he opens with an offensive spell/rush attack, or he dispatches one or two foes with a sneak attack to demoralize his opponents before fighting them more traditionally with his blade.[/indent]

[b][u] Relations & Affiliations [/u][/b]

[indent][list]
[*]Thieves Guild 
[*]Knights of the Silver Fist
[*]Ferain (Dunmer Smith)
[*]Savranah Mirel (High-Born Crown woman)
[*]J'zin-Dar and his Village (Khajiit)
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Opinions                          [/u][/b]

[indent](For group members; fill after IC introduction)[/indent]

[b][u] Other                              [/u][/b]

[indent]...[/indent] 
[/indent]

[sub][h2][b]I[/b]nventory[/h2][/sub]
[sup][sup][sup][hr][/sup][/sup][/sup]
[indent]
[b][u] Cash                               [/u][/b]

[indent]23 Gold[/indent]

[b][u] Keys & Lockpicks [/u][/b]

[indent]...[/indent]

[b][u] Tools & Crafting Materials [/u][/b]

[indent]...[/indent]

[b][u] Clothing & Armor [/u][/b]

[indent]
[list]
[*]Chain-mail
[*]Hammerfell garb
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Weapon & Ammo[/u][/b]

[indent][list]
[*]Fine Steel Longsword
[*]Iron Dagger
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Potion & Arcane Supplies [/u][/b]

[indent]
[list]
[*]Spellbook
[*]Moderate Health Potion
[*]4 Soul Gems
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Jewelry & Valuables[/u][/b]

[indent][list]
[*]Savranah's Necklace
[*]3 Amethysts
[*]2 Diamonds
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Books & Documents[/u][/b]

[indent]Spell book (listed above)[/indent]

[b][u] Food/Drinks/Ingredients[/u][/b]

[indent][list]
[*]Flask of Wine
[*]Bottle of Water
[*]Venison
[/list][/indent]

[b][u] Load Bearing Equipment[/u][/b]

[indent]Rucksack[/indent]

[b][u] Other              [/u][/b]

[indent]...[/indent]
[/indent]
[/hider]
[/quote]


[hider=Sheet critique]

“Some consider him quite handsome, though others find him unnerving by his mixed heritage.”

[IMG]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/originals/bc/42/c8/bc42c82979791920b371a036a0687176.jpg[/IMG]

Something worth noting is that Allen would be considered a Redguard racially because phylogeny dictates that the offspring takes after the mother primarily in the Elder Scrolls universe and only inherits some traits from the father. This is important because it helps establish the primary racial traits an offspring of two different races will have. Take for instance The Grey Prince in Oblivion, who looked almost entirely like an orc even though he had an Imperial father. I don’t think this really changes anything in regards to Allen for his upbringing, but visually he’d be much more Redguard than Breton, and the traits associated with the former would be much more prevalent, such as poison resistance and elevated stamina verses magicka resistance and intuition, for instance.

Also, for clarification, was Allen the firstborn son or was he the result of an affair Lord Blackmoore had away from his wife? That might have an effect on his relationship with his family and how things were between his mother and father. A case of Jon verses Ramsay Snow, if you will. Also, what town or city was Blackmoore lord of? I don’t think it was specified. This is also doubly important because we need to make sure it isn’t conflicting with NPCs we have established for High Rock and the nobility that’s in place.

His father’s blame for not keeping his brother seems to be out of left field; it sounded like that the lord loved Allen even if he didn’t fit into a trueborn son’s station in life and afforded him what opportunities he could. I also don’t think it was mentioned that Allen was even admitted into the house guards at this point, so in what capacity was Allen expected to prevent against an assassination attempt? I could see this a bit more if the father had always been short with him and quick to cast blame, but this seems kind of like he’s blaming Allen for something he had absolutely no control over without even putting him in a station that would give him the skills to protect against potential assassins. I’d recommend either clarifying what Allen’s position was with the guard, give some clues that his older brother had enemies and that there was some indication there would be a threat against his life, and maybe give some validation to their father’s sudden change of heart. 

Allen was also a member of the Mage’s guild, why didn’t he turn to another chapter of the guild for assistance when he fled home? One would think there was a sense of familiarity and trust via association there. The Duskmoon gang seems to pop out of nowhere; how does he know who individual members are, especially enough to recognize them? You should probably have some form of foreshadowing or acknowledgement of them and why they are important to have made an impact on him before he killed them, because he obviously feels like they know who he was. And if he was so worried about retribution, why would he not leave Skaven for another city? I understand he’s poor and being proto-Aladdin here, but if he’s a thief he shouldn’t have that much of a hard time stealing enough fare for a carriage within a short period of time. I understand he moseyed off to Hegathe eventually, but there certainly didn’t seem to be a sense of urgency, unless this all happened within a very short period of time.

J'zin-Dar seems like a bit of a strange name; while most of the Khajiit in ESO have suffixes in their names, they don’t have prefixes. It’s virtually unheard of for a Khajiit to have both a prefix and a suffix. J’ also tends to be given to young men and bachelors, so it is unlikely a married Khajiit with 3 kids would retain that prefix. Unless he was a thief or had a reputation for being particularly sly or clever, he probably wouldn’t have the Dar in his name, either. S’Zin would probably be the closest bet to his name. 

I also get that Beric would be corrupted by power and the drive for becoming a powerful necromancer, but would he really immediately turn on Allen for standing in his way? It’s his brother, and one you made clear had a very good relationship with Allen. This confrontation seems kind of forced for the sake of drama; what are the odds that after approximately 5-6 years of traversing the continent he washes up close to where his brother is and stumbles across his brother, who is now super evil without any real indication he ever harboured a fascination with conjuration to begin with? I really think Allen has enough hardships and trauma going on in his life without having to be forced to kill his long-lost brother, who once again was extremely close with him to just turn on him for trying to thwart the ritual. 

I’m also unsure of why you had this Knights of the Silver Fist (after being on a ship called the Silversaber, no less…) come up as something that he was drawn to and subsequently discarded because of this merchant he failed to save who wanted him to deliver a letter. I get that he felt honour bound to do so, but would this Dunmer really appeal to his sense of duty more than the organization he swore himself to? And why wouldn’t he bring it up to the grand master of that order to seek permission to deliver the message? It just seems really peculiar to have him join this order only to quit it on a whim as means of setting him up to join the company.

So, I’d axe the whole brother confrontation bit and joining this knightly order, still have him try and save the merchant and keeping the letter delivery bit. If you want to do something with Beric, add some more bits about him and give him more of a purpose than just being the ultimate betrayal in Allen’s life, hell have him still be out there with some evidence of his evil doings popping up from time to time that you can potentially explore for future character development. Maybe the necromancer ritual had a book that Beric penned and that’s how Allen finds out he’s still alive and what he’s up to. Perhaps that’s why he keeps traveling, to try and find traces of where Beric is to try and save him from himself. 

For your skills, you have some magic being up pretty high when it sounds like that Allen is mostly a nimble stealth character who is more proficient in martial combat rather than spell casting, and I don’t think you even mentioned any enchantment or alteration in his history, just that he studied some magic when he was signed on with the Mages Guild (that once again, never made an appearance again, nor the Thieves Guild). Given that he had to steal to survive, I’d think that pickpocketing and sneak would be much higher skills for him, and you’ve mentioned he’s done a lot of climbing, so acrobatics would be high, too. 

He also doesn’t really seem to have any particular weaknesses other than being somewhat impulsive and feeling the need to be a savior of the helpless, which is extremely situational and is worded in a way to make it seem like he still thinks things through and can resist those temptations. Again, the thing about hating Conjuration is also extremely situational; it’s unlikely that he’s going to lash out at one of the other party members for using it and it wouldn’t change how he handles enemies using it. He hasn’t had anything come up, like injuries, phobias (like drowning?), insomnia brought on by constantly being on the run?

For spells, he has a restoration and destruction spell even though he has no proficiencies in either of them. This has to change. And again, a lot of those spells seem to be there against his character background; he’s had a single mention of having magical training when he was in the guild, and he fled home not long after being admitted to the Mages Guild, so how did he possibly become extremely talented in these schools of magic? It kind of comes across that you gave him those skills simply for having access to higher level spells and enchantments, which almost feels like metagaming.

So yeah, the concept’s there, but this needs a lot of revision. 


[/hider]