[@POOHEAD189]
[hider=Benis]

I'm not opposed to him being really good with magic in some regards, but as I said, it just needed some fleshing out. Even if you put a few lines in what he studied at the college and give a few examples of him using those skills in context and it should iron it out. It's just a matter of making sure that there's a reason he knows what he knows. 

And I hear you on Allen's perception of events being reflected in how the back story is written, but just some of how it was written just kind of seemed like a 180 turn from how relationships were before. Even with something as short and not as comprehensive as a character sheet, there should be some form of transition for ideas. Keep in mind that when you write things out, you should never assume the audience understands or feels the same way about implications (such as a bastard noble child feeling ostracized, for instance). Keep in mind the situation here was Allen not really having any responsibility as a guard or a mage and being blamed for his brothers' fates by his father kind of happens out of the blue; my point is if dear old dad is going to blame him for what happened, you need to have some sort of precedent or foreshadowing to kind of iron out him from being a well meaning father who tries his best to provide for his bastard son even though his station makes it difficult to "This is your fault, gtfo". Maybe something like a childhood incident where a brother got hurt under Allen's care and his father put an unfair pressure on him to keep his trueborn sons safe at his expense, or something. I hope I'm making my point clear; the idea isn't a bad one, you just have to transition it a bit more naturally. It's kind of like having a character loving dogs and then suddenly they're chopping them up and eating them without context a few paragraphs later. Going from point A to point C needs a B.





[/hider]