[@Dealdric]
Any particular reason why you've responded to the PM in the OOC?

Anyway, regardless of that, I have no idea what else I can say to you. You've ignored half of the criticism I've given you, and then rather than rewrite certain bits, you've just padded them out with more unlikely - and frankly, Gary-Suish - scenarios. You're not accepting my help, so I suggest we leave this matter until [@Lucian] can throw in his two cents. But I feel I should reiterate BurningCold's point from the PM - this is a high-casual to advanced roleplay. You can't get away with things that are either not explained, or done so so flimsily that it can't be taken seriously.