[@Eisenhorn]
Been reading through your post and I cant help but notice the extended length in many of your paragraphs. Typically dialogue requires a new paragraph when a new speaker begins their line, and paragraphs are also used to break up the arduous reading time. To gain an understanding of my point of view, look at the dialogue without the coloured text—as a reader—and see if you can pin point exactly who is currently in the spotlight speaking role.

If you don't mind, would you please address this for me?

[b]Edit:[/b] Reading through, their should be there.
[quote]"Alarm means Grimm. Ye don't got the money to get me to ride this coach in [color=f7941d]their[/color] brazenly, or quietly for that matter. If ye ain't ridin' back with me, yer on yer own. It's a bloody deathtrap in there, I'm telling ye."[/quote]
And 
[quote]Some young woman was peering out at the Grimm as well, the why eluding him at this distance, but he had his suspicion. Huntress probably, given she wasn't just running. [/quote]
Bare in mind that Lorral isn't currently alone thanks to Inkarnate's post.