[center][h3]Honesty: A Tale of Two Stigmas[/h3][/center]
[center][img]https://i.imgur.com/qObCsLJ.png[/img]    [img]https://i.imgur.com/FJt85Te.png[/img]
[h2][color=8A3DFF]𝔼𝕞𝕞𝕒[/color] | [color=00a99d]𝔼𝕣𝕟𝕚𝕖[/color] [/h2] [/center]
[center][sub]Collab with [@banjoanjo] [/sub][/center]

It didn't take long for Emma to find Ernie. Her fellow Aberration. Her teammate. Her comrade. Her would-be friend. Honestly, she wasn't sure why exactly she despised him so much. He was usually affable, usually friendly, except for those times. But she knew that she should've understood. Understood what the stigma does to you, how it makes you act. It was his stigma that made him such an asshole, wasn't it? That was the likely explanation. That was the explanation that absolved him, especially in her eyes. She should know what it's like to have that other voice creeping in the back of his head. By all accounts she should be friends with him. They'd hung out, they ate lunch together... and he was a lot like the people she knew back at home.

Maybe [i]that[/i] was why she couldn't help but hate his guts.

Her anger amplified a thousand fold when she saw him emerge from the house completely clean, in new clothes. Was that why he ran away? To clean up? She was done trying to surpress how she felt. She glowered as she jogged towards him towards him. She wanted to do what her stigma told her to. She wanted to [i]hurt[/i] him, but she surpressed that urge. She'd have to satisfy with letting her anger out another way. [color=8A3DFF]"Jesus FUCKING Christ Ernie!"[/color] her voice was shrill, anger clear. She'd had enough of today, [color=8A3DFF]"Did you not hear what Ethan said? Cat's Cradle is here, and you ran off to take a fucking shower? Are you trying to get left behind? Are you trying to fucking hold us up? Enough people have died today, why the hell are you going off on your own when a group of fucking sociopathic Animi could be around the corner?"[/color]

It took him longer than he liked. To release that vice grip of terror clenching his heart. To remind himself that Reno was far, far away. To remember that it was just Emma that was screeching at him, one of the farthest things from what he considered a threat at East. It took him far too long.

Ernie staggered back, a pitiful expression lining his face before he managed to compose himself. He was supposed to be more than the frightened child from years ago. His mouth opened to answer, but he struggled to compose the words. There was one question that shook him in particular.

[color=00a99d]"How many...did we lose?"[/color] Ernie murmured quietly, looking subdued.

Emma’s mouth hardened into a line. This wasn’t a question she wanted to answer. A noticeable pause passed before she said, [color=8A3DFF]”Savannah… and a lot more regulars.”[/color] another pause, [color=8A3DFF]”We almost lost Lawrence, but he should be stable now.”[/color]

Lawrence was fine. He wasn't even needed for that. But Savannah...

He had neither the desire nor the right to mourn, not when there was a good chance that it was his partly his fault that the APC got attacked. Another compulsion seized him, told him that he had to avoid seeing that little girl at all costs. 

[color=00a99d][i]It's a miracle we didn't lose more,[/i][/color] he thought, but his mouth remained clamped shut.

Instead, Ernie looked down at the tight trainers on his feet, mulling over the rest of Emma's questions. He knew how stupid it was to be worrying about his cleanliness when Cat's Cradle were in the area. He knew, but he just didn't [i]care[/i]. He wanted to be away from everyone, he wanted no one to see him. Bad habits were getting repeated, habits that had taken him months to work himself out of, habits that no one but he had ever understood. No one would understand. So there was no point in explaining himself to Emma or all people. His expression turned to one of disdain, though whether it was for himself or the girl, he wasn't sure.

[color=00a99d]"Shouldn't you be with Marcus? Why did you even follow me anyway?"[/color]

Emma scowled. She wasn’t in the mood for Ernie’s games. [color=8A3DFF]”Fucking [i]really[/i]? I followed you because, like everyone else, I want to get the fuck out of this shithole and we can’t do that until you get your ass on the APC that’s waiting to take us out of here. And that’s the [i]only[/i] reason I’m here. This isn’t the time to run off and fucking take a shower.”[/color] Emma was exasperated. Fed up with this battlefield and with Ernie’s bullshit. 

[color=8A3DFF][i]Don’t say it.[/i][/color]

[color=8A3DFF][i]Don’t say what you’re thinking, it’s just the stigma.[/i][/color]

But she had to. She couldn’t fight off the urge, she just had to get the last word in. The voices pushed, and if she was being honest with herself she wanted to say it. [color=8A3DFF]”It should’ve been you, not Savannah.”[/color] her voice was filled with animosity. Did she think he’d care? No, not really. But it felt good to let him know exactly what she thought about him. With that she turned on her heel, marching back towards the APC. She didn’t want to hear what he had to say. [color=8A3DFF][i]He better follow too, or I’ll have Determination drag him back.[/i][/color]

Ernie stared back, stunned, eyes wide open. It was the truth, after all. There was no right or reason that he was standing here while others had perished. The guilt crashed onto him like a toppling shelf, and Ernie could say nothing. But guilt soon turned to aimless anger, a fury that only escaped because it was Emma who had said it. Emma, who had a rare, strong power like Sander. Emma, who was sociable and perfect and pretty without even trying, when it had taken Ernie so long to get to where he was now. The nice girl who enjoyed the quiet, civilian life that had been ripped from him, who had [i]everything[/i] without lifting a finger, even though they shared the same mark. Who the FUCK was she to talk?

The boy stomped towards Emma. So this was why he disliked--no, fucking [i]hated[/i]-- this girl. It made a stupid amount of sense when he took the time to think about it.

[color=00a99d]"Yeah?"[/color] Ernie yelled back at her, [color=00a99d]"Well, I'm still here! So we all have to fucking deal with it!"[/color]

Did they really? Hazel and Sander seemed to had tried to change it. Nothing had stopped them, so what was there to stop Emma? Ernie bared his teeth and wrenched Emma's shoulder back to demand her attention. Part of him wanted to grab her by the hair and shove her into a collector to see how she felt when it happened to her. Another part wanted to just goad her, to just end everything. Third time was the charm, right?

His fingers dug into her shoulder. [color=00a99d]"Why don't you try it, huh? Hazel and Sander didn't have a problem with trying to kill me. Kardos won't stop you! FUCKING TRY IT."[/color]

Emma stopped walking. She scowled.

And then she smiled, just a little.

And then she laughed.

[color=8A3DFF]”Is that what you think? That I want to murder you? [i]Please.[/i] I’m not like you.”[/color] she pointed to the X-mark on her neck. [color=8A3DFF]”We both have it. We both know what it’s like, the stigma, the whispering in our heads all day. But do you want to know what the difference between us is? I don’t listen to it. I can get by without sating it. It fucking kills me, but I can do it.”[/color] lies, the voice in her head told her, she wasn’t getting by, but she said it anyways. [color=8A3DFF]”I can tell, you do whatever the fuck it tells you to, don’t you? If I sat here goading you, like you’re doing to me, you’d do it, wouldn’t you?”[/color] Once again her face hardened.

[color=8A3DFF]”That’s so fucking pathetic Ernie.”[/color]

Right where it hurt the most. Like it was with Hazel and Sander, he would never have the ability to kill her, no matter how much he wanted to. His Stigma had always been the only strong thing about him. Ernie pulled his hand back as if he'd been burnt. Did she have some fucking telepathy power to go with everything else? He knew it was stupid to protest. To keep trying to get the last word in this losing argument. But anger had a way of messing things up for him, like always.

[color=00a99d]"Right. 'Cos how long have you been an Aberration again? How many years have you gone surrounded by dozens of Stigmas and X-marks who would gladly snap your spine if you weren't careful enough?"[/color] he snarled, [color=00a99d]"Don't talk like you know what a Stigma can do. And don't you [i]dare[/i] talk like you know a goddamn thing about me."[/color]

Grasping at straws.

Emma’s eyes narrowed. [color=8A3DFF]”Fuck off, Ernie. Years don’t matter. The fact of the matter is I can handle it and you can’t because you’re a petulant fucking child. I’ve had my stigma for almost a month and I can already handle it a million times better than you can, so what does that say about you? Until you learn how to handle your shit you’re nothing but a liability to [i]all[/i] of us. Just look at Sander! I have no idea what the hell you did to him, but given what I know about you probably gave him a good goddamn reason to hate you so much.”[/color] her mouth contorted into a sneer.

[color=8A3DFF]”But you’re right, I [i]don’t[/i] know you. I’m just making guesses. Care to prove me right? I know what you want to do. What the [i]stigma[/i] wants you to do. So go ahead, either do it, or come back to the APC with me. Either way you’re nothing but a fucking coward.”[/color] she knew that she no longer had the high ground- she was just blindly provoking him. Not blindly, no, underhandedly. She knew exactly what she was doing.

Flawless loss. She'd completely demolished him, and he couldn't even say a word back. He had no dirt against her, no protests against the accusations pointed at him. It was everything he'd tell himself, all the reasons he loathed the X-mark on his neck. Had he always been so transparent?

[color=00a99d]"You're right. It should have been me,"[/color] he whispered bitterly. He wouldn't have been able to stand it if she heard him agreeing with what she said. He was the one who endangered Evac by handing over David. He deserved everything he was getting here. 

A sudden realisation hit him. One final goad. Ernie had nothing to lose that hadn't already been viciously swept away by Emma.

[color=00a99d]"Yeah. I am a coward. I stood by while Zoe melted a rogue mage's ear off. I ran away with Christmas while Evac was getting their asses kicked. But that's not even the funniest part."[/color]

Ernie's shoulders slackened and he looked to Emma with a sneer.

[color=00a99d]"It really should have been me instead of Savannah. We asked Evac to pick up the rogue mage, after I scarred him for life. He was a spy and those X-marks must've been gunning for their buddy. I bet he had some kinda GPS tracker on him. Made the ambush a lot easier. So if we had just kept the guy and stayed put, it's likely that me or Zoe or Christmas would be dead instead."[/color]

She already hated him. Purging his conscience and provoking her would have no effect.

[color=00a99d]"So yeah, that was 100% right. Along with everything else you said. Savannah is dead when it should have been me. I've had years to raise myself to your moral level and nothing's changed. So I doubt I'm gonna learn anything from all this. Are you gonna keep wasting your breath? Are you gonna actually do something? Cos I'm fine either way. We can just walk back and have a nice group hug with Marcus and Cal and Siena and pretend to get along like we always do. Because nothing's going to change. I'm still going to be this trashheap when no one's around, and you're still going to have that perfect Stigma-free life. Everything we've done here was a waste of time."[/color]

Emma knew, at that moment, that she truly hated Ernie. Her fist clenched without her willing it.

[color=8A3DFF][i]Kill him. You know you want to.[/i][/color]

No. She couldn’t do that. But she really did want to. [color=8A3DFF]”So, it was your fault? You take all the blame? A little girl died, and you’re going to sit here and try to use that to… what? Provoke me? I thought you were an asshole. But I was wrong. You’re fucking [i]despicable[/i]. You’re right, you are a trash heap. And it really should have been you. And yeah, we will spend a bit longer sitting here in front of the others pretending everything is okay. But that’s fine, because I know that you should’ve died. The truth is you’re a fucking waste. You can’t do [i]anything[/i]. A rope isn’t going to save you when you’re alone against an enemy subnatural. So you know what?”[/color] Emma leaned in, whispering so the cuff couldn’t hear her. It scared her that she managed to smile as she spoke. [color=8A3DFF]”When it comes down to that, I’m going to let it happen. I don’t need to kill you. It’s going to happen either way, isn’t it? When it comes to me having to choose between you and [i]any[/i] of the others I’ll abandon you without a second thought. It might not be today, or tomorrow, but it’ll happen, because that’s what you deserve.”[/color]

Emma backed away, resuming her normal volume. 

[color=8A3DFF]”You put people in danger. People died, people got injured, because you were sloppy. And we can’t afford that. I hope that eats at you, Ernie, although I doubt you give a shit about a near-stranger's life.”[/color]

Emma turned away, walking back to the APC.

[color=8A3DFF]”Come with me or stay here and get killed by Tumor, I don’t care.”[/color]

He couldn't find it in himself to be angry at Emma anymore. He was just...empty. She'd taken everything, said everything that needed to be said. There were no more excuses, no more opportunities to feel sorry for himself or use as some kind of emotional bargaining chip. He had been completely exposed. So why wasn't he more afraid?

Ernie watched her walk away, and in spite of himself, he felt like laughing. It was amazing how quickly someone could tear apart every single shred of his identity like that. He knew he deserved far worse than these verbal lashings, and he knew that Emma had the power to bring everything he had coming. He knew that her Stigma would be telling her to give in and crush the annoyance in front of her. But she had remained steadfast. She resisted it and turned away, which was more than Ernie had ever done. Yet another classmate Aberration that was better than him in every aspect. He really fucking hated her.

[color=00a99d]"I'm glad we can be honest with each other,"[/color] he spat, quietly so she couldn't hear.

He followed without another word.