[@Metal Tortoise]

[i]Tom was grabbed by his bruised side and hurled to the ground, letting out a choked groan as he slowly supported himself on hands and knees.[/i]

[color=f7976a]"Ugh... Shit, not bad son. You rang woodland bells with that one. Hope you like your beer cold and your chicken crispy. You win round one. Gimme a second, dammit."[/color]

[i]If allowed, Tom would gradually climb to his feet and begin twisting from side to side, loosening up his cramping muscles and estimating the damage done to his ribs. After several seconds of this he'd turn his back to Steer, facing the crowd.[/i]

[color=f7976a]'Y'all motherfuckers better close your eyes. Serious now, I'll turn you wide-eyed punks into fat transvestites if you so much as peek."[/color]

[i]Tom didn't seem to be the type of person to exaggerate. In one fluid motion, he whipped off his broken shades and flung them high into the air. He neatly jerked a thumb at himself and with a sharp utterance of [/i] [color=f7976a]"Blindorial Nerdwerdus"[/color][i], materialized a second pair of shades onto himself. He must have actually had bad vision, as they were most certainly prescription glasses. Then, before the cracked shades could hit the ground, he angled an index finger at them and snarled, [/i][color=f7976a]"WeeMan Shinkickums"[/color]. [i]Out of nowhere flickered Wee Man, the midget from MTV's Jackass. Wee Man coolly snatched the sunglasses out of the air and crushed them in his pudgy fist, before vanishing into nothing.

Tom turned again to face Steer. Not a single hillbilly had dared to see what he looked like without sunshades. He tucked another cigarette into his mouth and flicked his thumb at the tip as if he were opening a Zippo lighter.[/i]

[color=f7976a]"Beachbaggo Burnsacko."[/color]

[i]The cigarette was inexplicably lit, and Tom puffed a few times, regaining his composure, before finally, finally, FINALLY raising his fists again, tucking his chin in and bending at the knees, left foot leading. The left fist was extended out far in front of him, the overall impression being that of an early 1900's pugilistic fighting man's stance, the kind that large circus men with German mustaches used for rough and tumble boxing.[/i]

[color=f7976a]"Hey, one last thing Steer. You know any cartoons from before the 90's? Got a favorite?"[/color]