Leaving my abusive family at 17 years old. My brother was constantly trying to talk me into suicide and my mother just let it happen. He tried to strangle me a few times and the only reason I survived is because my other brother stopped him. The brother who tried to kill me was my narcissistic mother's favorite child, the one who was generally in charge of deciding the rules but also exempt from them--he was also only 12 years old, but very precocious. I was the oldest of the kids, my four siblings ranging from 8 to 15. We'd been through a lot of abuse, but now that we had our own place, the abuse of my mother and brother really came to light. With the help of my therapist and some online friends, I came to the realization that I didn't deserve what I was going through, that the house was toxic and I was not to blame. But when I got out and into foster care, that was it--just me. My little sisters and my other brother were stuck with my abusive mom and brother. They still are. I'm 18 and a half, graduated and about to get an apartment. I've been kicked out of a few foster families, one for "not trying enough to improve my mental health" and one who accused me of turning her son against her when he realized he was being abused by her because of me, and I live in a homeless shelter at the moment. I've talked 8 people out of suicide and watched a man die. But nothing will ever be as difficult as leaving the house I thought was home and leaving my beloved siblings with abusers, and I might never forgive myself.