[center][img]http://txt-dynamic.static.1001fonts.net/txt/dHRmLjQ4LmQ0NDA1Zi5XbTlsSUVac1pYUmphR1Z5LjAA/thyme.medium.png[/img] [img]https://i.imgur.com/OwPQCJ8.png[/img][/center] [hr][center][i]Sept.16, 2020. ~22:30[/i][/center][hr] Zoe couldn't sleep. She'd had a lot to think about, since the fight, and had deliberately been avoiding most of the class as a result. After all, she was capable of so much more now, physically, and mentally she had no faith in her ability to keep things under control. So she'd stayed in, only venturing out of her room for food and fresh air on occasion. Thankfully enough, no-one much felt like approaching her either. Her days had been consumed with training, exercise after exercise within the confines of her room. Boring, mind-numbing repetition and not exactly what anyone would call 'fun', but there was some comfort to be found in not thinking of much at all. More than would be found from hostile stares and fearful eyes that would accompany any kind of conversation. Something safe about the numbness that came with effort and the familiar burning in her muscles. At least her body was holding together, if not her mind. But it was too late in the day for it now, and so her thoughts were beginning to wander. Wandering to places she'd rather not have seen them go. Turning to her classmates, for example. From what she could tell, most of them had returned from the hospital at this point. They were all so vulnerable, sitting around here. Letting their guard down. It'd be pretty easy to just-- [color=palevioletred][i]Not now, damn it.[/i][/color] Wouldn't even take a second, once she locked her hands around their throat. [color=palevioletred][i]I'm not about to do anything.[/i][/color] Hey, maybe she could reach someone through the walls. They wouldn't know what hit them. A sudden heart attack, maybe - Destroying a few veins might do that, right? She couldn't be blamed for a freak accident. [color=palevioletred][i]It's not me. This isn't me. I'm stronger than that.[/i][/color] Accident! Just like the rest of them, just like it always was. Sorry, sorry, sorry but never changing. How many 'accidents' before she just gave in already? With a grimace of frustration, she tossed her pillow against the wall. Unsatisfying, didn't make her feel better. Sleep would be better, impossible to hurt someone then, but it'd be worse once she woke up. And then what, transport? She had no idea how she'd get through the journey without snapping. At some point, she'd started pacing. Felt like shit, obviously. Knew what'd make her feel better, the way nothing else could. Even now it would be easy to lose herself to it. They didn't strictly need to die, might be more fun if they didn't, but even if they did: What was one more death at her hands? [color=palevioletred]"Stop it."[/color] Muttered under her breath. Felt like yelling, but then the others would hear, and she didn't want to deal with them right now. Lashing out, her fist leaving a slight dent in the plaster of the wall. Unlikely to disturb anyone. Good. If they came in, she was scared to think what she might do. She hated thinking about this place, about herself. So she had to change it, had to find some way out. To escape. Because thinking about it, the others were better off without her there, weren't they? They were a group, a team, a unit, and she was... What? Where did she fit in? A monster when true to her nature. A rabid dog without a leash. It didn't seem to her like something that could be fixed, but more that there was some fundamentally difference between her and the rest of them. A divide she wasn't sure she could ever truly cross. By all rights, this should've changed things, this new situation where the world was against her and everyone else. Should have forced them to have some kind of bond. But Zoe was realising she had no place here. That for all the hatred the world directed at them, her classmates had each other. That she was one of the things they were afraid of. Yeah, that was a special talent alright-- Surrounded by people with only each other to turn to, and she'd still ended up alone. Worse still, she couldn't try and change that, because it meant running the risk that she'd hurt them. [color=palevioletred][i]I already have.[/i][/color] And yet she'd told herself what, that they [i]needed[/i] her? Someone had to finish the fight. If she wasn't there, more would die. More she was supposed to keep alive. Or she'd stay and it was only a matter of time before she was the one to kill them. She didn't know. Up until now, she thought she'd known. Right, right, right, it was always the same. She always knew what was going to happen, saw the danger while they played pretend. This time wouldn't be any different. Except it was. Because her warnings had been ignored, before, nothing more she could do to prevent events from unfolding. Watching from the sidelines no matter how she fought. But this time she could remove the danger, because she knew exactly what it was. Or who. But if she wasn't here there was no-one to take the burden. They'd get themselves killed with talk of mercy and forgiveness. All that that sort of naivety had ever earned anyone was a knife in the back. Without her around, one of them would fall to their own dumbass ideals. Either way, they'd end up getting hurt because of her. At least there was a chance they'd learn, though. In that moment, it seemed impossible to Zoe that she'd ever be better than this. It was too much to consider. Tearing everything apart. No right answer, no way out. Why couldn't it just make [i]sense[/i]? Pain. That'd make it go away, it always did. Once it hurt enough, she wouldn't have to think about it anymore. It was an escape, if an unhealthy one. That was it. The things she'd done... It would be easy to make herself understand. The power was there, and with it the growing desire to torture and maim. No targets. She wouldn't hurt them. But she needed to [b]hurt[/b]. In the absence of other options, Zoe could think of no better target than herself. She walked over to the chair, resting her hands on it for stability. Better to be strong, not to be distracted while she did this. It needed focus, she wanted to feel what she was doing or there wasn't any point to it. This could prove she was strong, prove her resolve, give her some semblance of certainty where she was slowly losing her grip. What she did to others, she had to be willing to endure. It was the only way to fix it. Because she was [b]strong[/b]. The power resisted as she tried to activate it. She had to push, to fight for every inch of control. Seemed like there was some kind of safeguard to prevent what she was trying to do. That was almost funny, really - She could kill people without hesitating, tear them limb from limb, laugh while she tortured them, but apparently directing that at herself was too far. Pathetic. So pathetic. Still she could feel the itch starting. White-hot needles, thousands upon thousands across the backs of her hands. The progress was agonisingly slow, but she found herself almost savouring it as the power fought her every step of the way. It was darkly fascinating to watch the flecks rising from her skin, to force her eyes open even as every instinct screamed to squeeze them shut and look away. Watch. See what she'd done to them. She felt something stir at the back of her mind. [quote][i]Blond hair, a sympathetic, kind smile. Always smiling at everyone, trying to make them at ease. People had always joked about them being polar opposites. Her brother in everything except blood. He always came after her, didn't he? Always thought he could fix everything and make it right. But she knew it wouldn't work this time. Said so many times he owed her his life for looking after him. Maybe it was time for her to collect on that debt.[/i] [/quote] Zoe noted the memory with dread, fearing where it would lead. Of course, the forums said something about this - the stigma rebelling when they tried to kill themselves. Not a stretch to imagine it did so for injury too. She didn't know how far this went-- But she could push past it. It didn't control her. She was in charge, not whatever DC bullshit was messing with her head. The pain started then, unlike anything she'd felt before. Zoe hissed through her teeth as she tried to get her head around the sensation, before it broke into a bitter laugh. This was what she did to them, to her victims - though their nerves were probably destroyed a lot more quickly. Not her, not now. Deserved to feel this, didn't she? Embracing it, now, as she always did. Pain was always the same. A twisted version of the stigma's rush, now, but even before. It was good in its own way, though she wasn't sure quite how to describe it. [quote][i]She'd had to get away. She didn't care about any of it, and neither did he. All she knew was that she couldn't think about anything else. Every time she looked at any of them, the urge had been overpowering. Hurt them, make them bleed, make them beg. The same was happening now. Why couldn't he have just left her alone? And why was he still smiling like nothing was wrong? Why did he still act like it was okay? So fucking childish. [/i][/quote] She gritted her teeth, trying to ignore the terror that was creeping into her mind. It would go away if she just kept pushing. She could get rid of it, ignore it. Break herself down. If she destroyed herself, made sure there was nothing left, then she couldn't hurt anyone else. And she could do that. Needed more. More, and then it would all go away. It had to. Or at least, she thought she could, until the effect came close to the important parts. Veins, tendons, arteries. The things that would cause serious damage, loss of function. Leave her bleeding out. Soon she'd have done enough to make it likely. [quote][i]Crystal clear. There was a smile on her face a little too wide to be normal. Laughter, almost hysterical, ringing out as he approached. Tears, warm on her cheeks. Traitor-- She'd been betrayed, lied to, called in. All he'd had to do was leave her alone, let her be so she didn't have to deal with it anymore. But no, he just had to stick his nose in. He'd pay for it. [color=palevioletred]No[/color] It was horrifying, realising she felt like a spectator in her own mind. Zoe wasn't used to feeling helpless. The part of her that understood was screaming to stop, but her rational mind had been pushed aside. So long. She'd gone so long without hurting. Needed it, needed to stop the want, more than anything. Waiting to pounce. Even now, he approached, speaking calmly, and she gave him no warning. Why would she ruin her chance? [color=palevioletred]Don't please no[/color] So arrogant, to assume she needed his help, needed anyone's fucking help. But he always did, always pretended he could fix everything and make it right on his own. Always saw the best in people. Sickening, how wrong he was. Oh, he wanted to help her, that was why he did it. Why he told. Why he lied. Why he betrayed her. Oh, she might not have admitted it, but a part of her wanted to see him hurt too, stigma or not. [color=palevioletred]Stop it[/color] For her own good, wasn't it? Always for her own good, like they knew what she needed. Like they knew anything about what she was. Like they understood what was for the best because they could see the truth, when they didn't see anything at all. They never saw anything. He didn't see, not yet, but he would. Black across her hands. She could cry and scream and sob, but she knew what she was doing. This was the truth of what she was. [color=palevioletred]Run you have to run I'm sorry it's not me--[/color] She'd [b]make[/b] him see it all.[/i][/quote] Zoe didn't even realise she was making a noise, as something that was half a scream and half an enraged yell escaped from her mouth. The fear, the agony, everything just hit her. She thought she could have made it through but that wasn't even close to being true anymore. It was too much, the memories so overwhelmingly real - [i]She enjoyed it, didn't she[/i] - Her resolve had completely shattered and she stumbled backwards. Had to get away, had to run-- And suddenly she was falling as everything went dark.