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[h1][b]Ashley "Ash" Fitzsimmons[/b][/h1]

[h3]What's your name?[/h3]

[i]Ash Fitzsimmons. If it's like, y'know, a formal-type name, like for the draft or some shit, then Ashley Jeremiah Fitzsimmons. Yeah, I know. Real 'Boy named Sue' crap. You can see why I go by Ash. I've gotten everyone to call me that since I was like six, 'cept for Mrs. Silver, who calls me A.J. I think it's retarded. Who the fuck wants to be called letters, y'know? What son-of-a-bitch sits down like "Hey, I'm gonna name my kid Theodore-Jackoff Dumbass III, and then just call him T.J his whole life.", right? Anyway, off-topic. Name's Ash.
This isn't the draft, right?[/i]

[h3]How old are you?[/h3]

[i]I have to answer this? I'm, uh, seventeen, actually. But before you say some shit like 'Ohh, seventeen-year old sophomore, must be one dumb motherfucker', just, like, quiet for a second, okay? I get that I'm dumb, but I'm not some mouthbreather who lives in a fuckin' shed, alright? I got held back twice, but not 'cause I'm dumber than I say I am. If anyone knows how dumb I am, it's me. First time was 'cause I didn't go to school, second time was for fighting. Anyway, off-topic too. Seventeen. Sorry.[/i]

[h3]What do you look like?[/h3]

[i]What type of a dumb goddamn question is that?[/i]

[h3]Do you have any hobbies?[/h3]

[i]I have a bike I like to ride. Mostly downhill, no biggie. Cedar Hills is right by the forest, so every now and again I cruise through and shoot some squirrels and turtles and shit with my older brother's BB gun. Not that he fuckin' needs it, you know what I mean? Heh. Wait, you probably don't. Anyway, I like to read fantasy stories. Horselords of Aperoxx and Gore-Maw are my favorite, but Gore-Maw's more of a graphic novel. I like movies too, like Beastmaster, Willow, Krull, that kinda thing. Fantasy. What can I say, swords are bitchin'. Dark Crystal was a good one too, but it didn't have any swords, which was gay as fuck. I paid twelve bucks to see it. Oh, and I'm a rapper, too. Forgot to mention that.[/i]

[h3]What are some things that you especially dislike?[/h3]

[i]Teachers. Classmates. School and teachers and classmates and shit, mostly. Everybody treats me like some retard, they talk slow to me like I don't speak English. I don't understand most of what they teach either, so I mostly cheat or guess or make up excuses. I don't like school, and I been thinking of dropping out and working. I ain't have no skills, but, y'know, I still got two legs. I could shovel shit for all I care instead of dealing with everybody at school. I don't like school, not a bit. Are you writing this down to tell the teachers? If you do, tell Mrs. Silver, Mr. Beuglish, and Ms. Deihmal to eat my whole fucking dick. Coach Samson's alright though.[/i]

[h3]What are your goals for the future? Both immediate and long-term.[/h3]

[i]None. Does that sound sad? I dunno. I guess to stop smoking dope and drinking beer every other day. I just don't have many options. I can't stand school. I'm too dumb for scholarships, I'm too fuckin' poor to buy my ticket into college. I was born in a trailer, and I'mma probably die in it too. I guess the only goal I got is just, not being where I am now. That make sense? I wanna be a guy who's got like, a girl, and a dog, and a house. Maybe a kid. Dunno yet. Kids are sticky. You ever go to someone's house and they got kids? Everything is fucking sticky, and they act like it's not, and it's like, fuck you, my shoes shouldn't make a noise when I step foot in your house you sticky goddamn mother goose.
[/i]

[h3]What's your home life like? Specifically, what is your relationship like with your parents?[/h3]

[i]Eh? It's actually pretty alright. I never knew my dad, Dennis, because he got killed before I was borned. My brother and I were always tight, every now and then my mom and I visit him, and sometimes we get to call him, but every other time we do he's in solitary for something or the other, and you can't place a call to the hole. My mom's pretty nice. She's a battle-axe, but she's alright. She's the toughest bitch in the park. One time, we had this neighbor for a while who got all hopped up on angel dust, and he tried breaking in. I was too little to do nothin', but she answered the door and smashed a bottle across his jaw. To this day, dude looks like a cat who got fed a firecracker, y'know?  Anyway, my relationship with my mom's pretty good. She's a seamstress,
 so she keeps me lookin' good even though we live in a fucking dump.[/i]

[h3]What's your favorite animal, and why?[/h3]

[i]Pork, haha. I don't like animals. They get fur everywhere, or they shit on you, or they bite you, or they just plain don't shut up. Even fish do none of that, and fish reek. Monkeys are cool, I guess, but they fling their shit. If a monkey ever flung shit at me, I would kill it and eat it, I don't care. Even if it was the first AIDS monkey, I don't give a fuck, that sumbitch is my dinner if it throws some caca at me. Actually, you know what? Naked mole rats are cool too. Think about it. Naked mole rats barely feel pain, can't get cancer, and act like bugs with a queen and soldiers and shit. They even fight snakes. They can bite through dirt and rocks and whatever too. Basically, they're, like, little shriveled up supermans. Man. Naked mole rats are the fuckin' bomb, actually, fuck monkeys. I bet if we made, like, an alligator-sized naked mole rat, it'd be like, the dominant species and shit. Like Planet of The Apes, but, with naked mole rats. Planet of The Naked-Fucking-Mole Rats. Hell yeah.
[/i]

[h3]Favorite color?[/h3]

[i]Real talk, yellow. Think about it. Star Trek, boom. Command yellow. Y'know who wore yellow? The best characters, that's who. Kirk. Data. Worf. All yellowshirts. Outside of Star Trek, all the best things are yellow. Baratheon? Yellow. The sun? Yellow. Butter? Yellow. Gold? Yellow. Flowers can be yellow too. It's a happy color, too. Ain't nobody gonna wear a yellow shirt and tell you some sad fuckin' shit. When I have bad days I sometimes like to draw, like, happy stuff. Don't tell nobody that. I'll smack the soul right out of you, I swear to fucking Christ, I've knocked tougher grey-haired yuppies than you out. Anyway, yeah. Sometimes I like to draw happy stuff like sunrises or birds. What was the question again?[/i]

[h3]Do you identify with any song or piece of music?[/h3]

[i]Eminem, Metallica, and Insane Clown Posse are all my SHIT. I can't remember lyrics for the life of me.[/i]

[h3]Do you believe in aliens?[/h3]

[i]Yes. Aliens are real. Next question. Oh, we done here? That's cool too.[/i]

[hr]
[h1][b]Ash's Relationships[/b][/h1]

[color=lightyellow][b]Connor Rice[/b][/color]
Connor? Me and Connor go way back, actually. He and his sister spent a year or so in Cedar Hills while they were movin', and so we were buddies for a while. Choir boys and sleepovers and all that shit. We don't got a lotta brothers out here in Cedar, so all the other kids called him "Uncle Ben's Rice", which was in retrospect, I guess also a dig at his name, but not me, 'cause I knew what it was like for people to give you shit for your name, believe me. Once he left, he changed though. Couldn't get him to come out and do fun shit no more, y'know? Wouldn't go fishin', riding bikes, wouldn't so much as toss a fuckin' rock at a tree. Started putting his nose to the grindstone. Became an uptight teacher's pet, for lack of a better-fuckin'-term. One time I called him out on it, and he said it's because his sister told him I act like a loser, as if she makes his fucking decisions. I almost popped him in the mouth right there. I shoulda.

We didn't talk for months after that, and when we did it was because he dumped his tray of food down my back because I was wearing my [i]best[/i] shirt that day, so I turn around and boom, crack him one right there. Then everybody in the cafeteria freaks out, he's swinging, I'm swinging, the lunchladies break it up, it was a whole thing. We both got suspended, and had to write this gay-ass apology letter to the other and shake hands in front of the American flag. Can you believe what weird shit they make us put up with just for settling our shit like men? Anyway, that was a few years ago. Haven't really spoken to him too much since then, the apology contract said we can't so much as shoot each other a dirty look in the halls. Why you askin' about this shit anyway? You gonna tell this to him like with those teachers? If you do, tell that cocksucker I stook up for him in Cedar Hills and he stabbed me in the back, and that's a shitty fuckin' thing to do.

[color=pink][b]Noah Ward[/b][/color]
Oh yeah, Farmer Ward. He's a bucket of fun. One time I saw someone offer him a drag of their cigarette, and he said no, but like, he said it with his hands too. I think he plays on the football team, which makes sense considering the hay bales and raw eggs he gets over at Millcreek. What's that? Not actually Millcreek. Whoulda figured, Erie county all the same. But not the City of Erie, that summbitch has a cow. Ain't no cows in the city of Erie. 

[color=lightblue][b]Gabriela Mendez[/b][/color]
[i]That mulatto chick, right? Like Michael Jackson? Can you still say mulatto? Anyway, she's alright. I sit next to her in Earth Science, which sounds like it would be a cool subject, if the teacher wasn't some tight dickweed like Mr. Beuglish, but it is not, because it is taught by Mr. Beuglish. God, how I hate him. I used to draw Looney-Tunes comics where I would kill him and the punchline was that the last frame was always me banging his wife, who is a fox, and then he had me suspended for all of October for threats and I had to write some dickass apology. Can you believe that? Am I living in Communist Russia?
Anyway, getting off topic. Gabi is way better at Earth Sciences than me, which once again, is not a cool class. It's chlorophyll and rain cycles and shit. Fuck a rain cycle. Water comes from the tap now, dummy. 

Gabi always gives me pencils, on account of I don't have any, and one time she let me eat the rest of her peach-ring-candy-snacks because they got all melted. I ate it sort of like you'd eat fondue or guacamole, like with a quick two finger scoop kind action, and by the end of the day my hand was covered in that shit. I patted Mr. Beuglish on the back at the end of class before he brought us to an assembly, and when he had to walk down to give the pledge he looked like a total asshat and we all laughed at him. I mean, C.J. and I definitely did, but I think Gabi thought it was funny too.[/i]

[b][color=seagreen]C.J. Makowski[/color][/b]

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