[quote=@dragonmancer]
[@Mardox] Just stumbled upon this roleplay, figured I'd try playing an undead for once.
[hider=Zombie Wyvern-Rider of Vengeance]
[b]Name[/b]: Roy Lancelot
[b]Sex[/b]: Male
[b]Race[/b]: Human Undead
[b]Age[/b]: He was 25 when he died.
[b]Religion[/b]: Once of the Solanian Faith, he has abandoned religion altogether in despair of his curse.
[hider=Backstory]
Roy was once a faithful knight of a small town name Ashenoak. He took pride in his high status in his ranks as well as being a servant to Solanian. Despite his pride, he had showed consistent charity and kindness to the common folk, something of textbook knightly valor and chivalry. He was a well regarding hero of his people, but he had a rival within his ranks. The knight named Gawain Alistar had been a friendly competitor to Roy of 'who could be the better knight' A childish idea that has been carried on since they were young boys serving as pages.

 One day, the two were sent on a quest to slay a beast near a volcanic rock. Upon their arrival, Gawain walked up to the dark giant figure awaiting by a pool of molten rock as if it were his master. Upon his inquiries, Gawain revealed to him that this was a setup for him to leave the village, all the while an impostor who posed as the town's beloved hero destroyed the very city and exterminated the people within, which was all revealed to Roy through the dark creature's magic. Overwhelmed with guilt and betrayal, Gawain also had explained that he had to sacrifice someone he had once considered a friend to be worthy to a local group of secret cultists to the dark lady, and that the aforementioned turmoil was so that he could have greater favor from the malevolent chaos.

A battle struck out, Roy fueled with rage, and Gawain fueled with maddening hunger for the power he was promised. Roy turned to be little match for his rival with the aid of dark powers, and to fulfill his sacrifice, plunged the defeated Roy into the firey pits below. His dead corpse was not completely burned, as it merely fell to the very edge of the pool allowing it to roast and cook instead of being vaporized. At some point soon after, Roy's corpse rose. Animated with a burning anguish of a desire to fulfill his vengeance, as if the flames he was burned by and the dark energy he was inflicted upon helped spark this curse. His animated body would not last forever in the pit, and he was unable to crawl out of the burning earth. That was when a wyvern of presumably wicked nature appeared from the sky, landing in the molten pool and striding over to retrieve the animated corpse. 

Since then, Roy has wandered forests and towns for the bastard that betrayed and murdered him. Under disguise in his armor he had gone to towns and cities to take mercenerary work in hopes that his travels will eventually lead him too his killer. While he believes that the gods will not help a damned cursed soul, he remains faithful that justice will pull the strings of fate to end his eternal quest.
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[b]Motivation[/b]: Roy has no life let to spare, at the very least, aiding the heroes in the slaying of the elder dragon might redeem some honor; at least for his own comfort. More importantly, he believes the adventure will bring him to face Gawain Alistar once more to fulfill his vengeance. Perhaps such a noble deed can grant him to be revived back into his youth.
[b]Magic[/b]: By being undead he has an innate affinity towards the dark arts. As such, his commands to his wyvern appear to have some sort of dark-natured magic for the Wyvern to accurately understand what specific requests Roy wills to him. His only true spell, is his glamor spell he picked up to make him appear like his living self, though the spell can be taxing so it is reserved for social purposes only.
[b]Skills/Strengths[/b]: [list]
[*][i]Axe-Wielder:[/i] Roy is proficient in wielding his great axe, the primary weapon he used in life. His skills are a bit above the standard soldier, though being dead has made him a bit rusty.

[*][i]Hunter:[/i] A sport he had done in his less exciting times in his life, Roy had learned to be a remarkable tracker and hunter. He has a good shot with his crossbow, and while he no longer eats, this talent can become useful for retrieving food for his allies, his companion, or in some other tracking-related circumstance.

[*][i]Not-Alive:[/i] Being undead Roy feels no pain and can withstand most forms of damage save anything that would cripple or destroy his body. While he cannot directly regenerate, pieces of dead flesh and bone from humans or similar races can be attached and assimilated to his dead body almost perfectly, to the point where he can replace an arm or leg from another corpse and have it be practically the same limb he lost. Things that would usually affect mortals such as poisons, and soul stealing powers that don't consider cursed souls, and other such things won't have any affect on him.

[*][i]Wyvern-Rider:[/i] In addition to being able to Ride his wyvern Jorboros, Roy can command him through a mental link forged by their bond and mutual affinity towards dark energy. 
[/list]
[b]Weaknesses[/b]: [list]
[*][i]Being dead sucks:[/i] While he can't feel pain, he also can't taste, or have any meaningful sensation in his miserable existence. 
[*][i]God doesn't like me:[/i] As an unholy abomination, holy wards can keep Roy out, holy magic can burn and even banish his cursed soul.

[*][i]I'm melting!:[/i] Moving (relatively fresh) water or holy water can dissolve his undead body, and like holy magic, exorcise his soul. Rain, Rivers, blessed ponds, and the like are all toxic to him.

[*][i]Salty?:[/i] Excessive exposure to salt can temporarily petrify his undead body. Salt can also be used as a magic ward to seal him off.

[*][i]Sorry but you must be at least this short to enter:[/i] His wyvern is large and cannot fit in every dungeon nor is a giant monster a welcomed visitor in most cities. There will be times where Jorboros will have to wait outside for his master to return. And while Roy can call to him over great distances, he can't exactly warp him instantly to his side.
[/list]
[b]Gear[/b]:

The great axe he used in life his now his instrument of vengeance. While nothing has really changed about this axe from his transformation from alive to undying, he takes great pride in the steel armament

A standard crossbow with a quiver of 30 bolts.

[hider=Fully concealed armor (and Axe)]
[img]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/4f/27/60/4f276057f7289703c1fba1c4f37ead71--knight-armor-paladin.jpg[/img]
[/hider]


[b]Other[/b]: 

[hider=Before Death/Glamor Spell]
[img]https://cdna.artstation.com/p/assets/images/images/001/357/524/large/light-shadow-.jpg?1445001876[/img]
A dashing young knight, blonde hair and blue eyes, with fair skin and a moderate build. His face bore a serious tone that, along with his ideal appearance, made him fit for his trade as a knight of the Holy God Solanian.
[/hider]

[hider=After Death]
[img]https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/67/f5/ef/67f5eff9b5f46d939190d5e0fe49ef27--fantasy-monster-monster-art.jpg[/img]
A twisted and foul figure who's flesh has been charred black and scarred with rotten wounds, a face melted off leaving only a horrifying skull with bits of flesh and blood still lingering on the cheeks and mouth, and a single eyeball that glows a purple hue; signifying his accursed state. His hair has become lesser, matted, and blackened, and his fingers are gnolled and rotted to the bone.
[/hider]

[hider=Jorboros the Toxic Wyvern]
[img]http://orig09.deviantart.net/4db6/f/2017/061/a/0/zilant_by_arvalis-db0yh4h.jpg[/img]
Standing at 15 feet in height, 65 feet in length.
A reptile with hooked, talon-like feet, arms modified into bat-like wings with curved nails, and a keeled-scaled hide rowed like spiny armor. The long neck and serpentine head is more then just an imitation of a serpent, as its many-fanged maw has a venom like a that of a viper. The muscular yet nimble tail is armed like a club at its tip, and the eyes glow a brilliant jade. 

A wyvern is an imperfect dragon; primordial and resilient creatures like their cousins, only far more primitive and beastly in nature. Even Roy is uncertain of why the beast was drawn to him, perhaps it was the dark magic that exhumed from his cursed body and soul, or perhaps the beast felt some kinship in his willed desire for vengeance. Either way, the serpentine wyvern is entirely loyal to the undead knight; so much so that the beast befits him as a faithful companion; despite how horrifying they both appear. Since their bonding, Roy has named him Jorboros.


[hider=Noteworthy Traits]
Natural Armor: Like many dragons and similar creatures Roy's wyvern has a hide that can rival the durability somewhere between iron and standard types of steel, however the underbelly scales lack this armor and are practically just as vulnerable as soft flesh. Another trait common to wyrms is its practical heat-immunity which allowed the beast to save Roy's corpse from being completely destroyed. 

Toxic Firebreather: Jorboros can exhume fire like many dragon-like beasts, however the wyvern's toxic saliva is flammable; Creating a firebreathe variant that is a dark green in hue and exhumes a noxious and disorienting chemical similar to tear gas. 
Roy's Wyvern possesses a venom within its many fangs that do not kill its prey directly, rather the venom slowly wears out and kills the victim through various ailments such as decreasing blood pleasure, inhibition of blood clotting, and eventually muscle paralysis. The venom isn't always fatal on its own, and a healthy immune system can beat it off if the victim is in otherwise great shape within a few days, however since the venom prevents blood from clotting any cut can lead to blood loss if it isn't properly taken care of.

Hunting Companion and Steed: The beast's sense of smell and remarkable vision, even in night, allows him to be excellent at navigating and assisting Roy in hunting. Additionally, Roy can ride on the back of his wyvern comfortably.

Tooth and Claw: Being a large beast Jorboros has great strength and speed. He primarily uses his tail, hooked feet claws, and head for physical damage in addition to biting or exhuming his toxic fire. 

Tracker: Jorboros has a great sense of smell and vision.

Dark bonds: The connection between Roy and Jorbors is difficult to sever, even through magic.
[/hider]

[/hider]

[/hider]

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[hider=Judgement]
Alright, I'm seeing some issues with this character sheet. 

[b]First off, there appear to be a few problems with grammar and tense. [/b]

"A childish idea that has been carried on since they were young boys serving as pages." Generally speaking, it's best to try to consistently use the past tense when writing for an RP outside of dialogue. It just flows better and makes more sense. Don't feel too bad about it though, I used to do the same thing. 

"Overwhelmed with guilt and betrayal, Gawain also had explained that he had to sacrifice someone he had once considered a friend to be worthy to a local group of secret cultists to the dark lady, and that the aforementioned turmoil was so that he could have greater favor from the malevolent chaos." This bit is worded in a way that makes it sound as if Gawain is both betrayed and guilty. Neither of these particularly fit as Gawain is the one doing the betraying and the rest of the writing makes it seem unlikely that Gawain feels guilty about his wicked deeds. Furthermore, it's kind of clunky and drags on in an unwieldy manner. A better rephrasing might go something like "Roy froze with the sheer shock at being betrayed by a childhood friend, as Gawain - possibly due to a twinge of guilt - began to explain why. It seemed that gain favor amongst the servants of the wicked goddess Lilith, Gawain had to sacrifice a former friend. As for the turmoil, that was largely to the same effect. The suffering of innocents amused the Witch Queen." Of course, there are still problems with this which brings me to the next issue.

[b]The storytelling is not ideal.[/b]

For example, it does not always remain consistent. This is particularly illustrated in this bit: " to him that this was a setup for him to leave the village, all the while an impostor who posed as the town's beloved hero destroyed the very city and exterminated the people within". You just called the same settlement a village, a town and a city in the same sentence. That is not okay. For story-telling to make sense, things need to be consistent. Otherwise, the whole thing just falls apart.

The motivation of the characters is not entirely clear. Why would Gawain, who had previously strived to be 'the better knight' suddenly and violently turn to a dark deity who I am assuming is Lilith (though you never really made that clear either)? Why did a random wyvern just show up other than Deus Ex Machina? Also, just a heads-up, while betraying a friend feels like Lilith to me, destroying an entire settlement through brute force does not. Lilith is subtle.

The theme of darkness and evil around Roy doesn't really fit either. This is mainly a lore issue though, so you're largely excused on this front as long you alter it. Yes, he's undead, no he doesn't seem so bad. Wyverns cannot be of suitably wicked natures as they merely beasts. Roy was never actually cursed and it doesn't seem like dark energy reanimated him. If it was just leftover dark energy from the betrayal and slaughter of innocents, then he wouldn't really be himself. What it seems like to me is that he's one of those undead that stuck around because of unfinished business and an unusually strong will. Such undead are not cursed or damned by merit of being undead alone (although if they were evil or their unfinished business was evil, they might be). Instead, they endure on [i]sheer willpower alone.[/i] These are folks so determined to see their duty or whatever fulfilled that they defy death itself to an extent. Given that Roy is seeking justice, there is a nobility to how he's stuck around. Furthermore, this type of undeath does not grant power over the dark arts. If you want him to be cursed, damned and capable of using the dark arts, you could say he sold his soul to one of the Shaituns (malevolent deities) for a chance at vengeance. If you go that route, you'll preserve a lot of the character's feel while making more sense. You could even explain the wyvern as having been sent by said Shaitun. If you do go with a dark bargain, I recommend choosing Dolekar, god of vengeance since Roy is seeking revenge. The weaknesses you possess highly suggest unholy undeath.

I think that covers the bulk of it. Just remember that practice is the best way to improve.

[/hider]