[quote=@BrokenWashing]
I am in all senses a newbie to RP but I'm trying my hardest. I just want to add that if anyone has any pointers to what I say or do in character, feel free to share them.
[/quote]

I'd preferred with your character how Polaris or Duoya did it. Get into your characters head more. Make them feel more. I'll be frank, beside the non human characters who cannot express humanely. I prefer human characters to have fears, thoughts about the current environment and don't necessarily like when people just jump to the next thing.

Like, "oh head to the lounge"

and he's at the lounge

I also prefer a bit more show then tell

-He got up at 6 am
-Then he brushed his teeth
-Then he made breakfast

Versus 

He sighed, looking at the clock it was 6 am. He hated to get up at this hour, groaning and trying to cover his eyes he forced them shut to go back to sleep. Couldn't get comfortable. Couldn't sleep. Fuck! His eyes wide open alert, his mind lagging and still tired. Getting up fine, he would just brush his teeth. 

I know this isn't your character I was just sort of expressing show versus tell.