Pretty much everything said above sums up the experiences that most readers will have. It was in the wrong section, it's a massive info dump, there's no real clarity on what's expected of the player, and you did give up/bump it way too eagerly.

My biggest concern really is the info dump. Ask yourself an honest question and that is, [i]"Would people all read this?"[/i]. Putting the text into WordCounter.net and it's telling me that it would take 15 minutes to read, and that's treating it like a story not the setup for a roleplay. In reality that would be much longer. The idea of any OOC/Interest Check is to engage the player in a short amount of time and get them excited for the story, which is usually less than a minute.

In reality, and I hate to be the one to say it, but it really feels like an essay more than a thought providing concept for a new and upcoming roleplay. :confused