Mmmm, I actually liked the DJ. It's not so much that it's long, just that all of the information I want to know comes out really slowly and towards the end. Juicy made a good point about limiting the number of characters. Maybe the solution is as simple as letting DJ wildfire pitch the RP?

	But it's hard to make adjustments based on just what one or two people say. if more people give it a look over, I'd look at what they are all saying and see where the criticism overlaps.