[center][img]https://www.dropbox.com/s/uxjkwjqkrn00cph/Siena%20Banner.jpg?raw=1[/img][/center]
[hider=Honesty][center]
[h1]Honesty[/h1]

[img]http://i.imgur.com/jw3F1O9.png[/img] [img]https://www.dropbox.com/s/mgp0txwn35gq3ia/Ena.png?raw=1[/img]

[h2][color=B0C4DE]Brent Roless[/color] | [color=ff57ff]Siena Santana[/color][/h2]
[img]http:// i.imgur.com/3R5vYYi.png?2[/img] 
[color=silver]𝕊𝕖𝕡𝕥. 𝟚𝟙 // 𝔹𝕒𝕝𝕕 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕀𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕 // ℤ𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘'𝕤 𝔼𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕖 // ~𝟙𝟜𝟘𝟘[/color]
[sub]Collab with...[@ERode][/sub][/center]

She hadn't slept. It wasn't a new scenario, but the girl was acutely aware of the fact without the comfort of her phone at her side. She'd taken little comfort in the presence of hired help, and even less in the fact that she was in an estate that reminded her more of charity events and stiff dresses than it did of gruff words and gentle reminders. By sunrise, she'd wondered how long she could keep herself holed up in her room, by morning, she had ascertained that it was probably a bad idea. Noon had come and gone, and she told herself that she would have to work up the nerve to leave the safety of isolation. Eventually, she told herself, she would have to leave, especially if she wanted to avoid using the maids. 

[i]They're all subnaturals.[/i]

It was a thought that had been stirring like white noise. Why would Zhang hire subnaturals? Because they were easy to access? Curiosity burned faintly, a drive that made her want to [i]know[/i], but memories went back to the first night. Of gunfire, and how easy she had made it seem. How easy it was for her to send subnaturals into battle. How easy it was for her to rid the world of any trace of the ones that hadn't survived. It probably wouldn't be a good idea to pry, especially if the cuffs were able to subdue them with the push of a button. 

[i]'[color=ff57ff]Focus, Siena. You want to find the study. Or a library or something.[/color]'[/i] For a source, first off and foremost, and for information...or, that was her intention. She had thought, perhaps, that she could figure out the estate with hazy memories of walking through the halls the night before, but she remembered only the vaguest details of the layout, and the uniform appearance of the building, though charming, had done nothing to help the girl's recollection. Instead, she walked past what she assumed to be the same hallway for what must have been the fifth time, and gave a soft groan. Maybe she should have asked a maid for help, regardless of the discomfort.

"[color=ff57ff]Well, at least I know how to get here...[/color]" Siena muttered softly to herself. At least she hadn't run into anyone yet...which might have been a bad thing at that point. "[color=ff57ff]Wherever this is.[/color]" 

Turns out that tracking people down was pretty easy once you got over the fact that it was hella stalker-ish. With the cuffs' tracking capabilities and the phone from Washington that had helped out so well with keeping track of where everyone else was, finding Siena had generally been a breeze...even if it looked as if she was just continuously lapping the interior of the estate for some indiscernable reason. Sun too bright and there was no sunscreen available? Didn't know where the gym was, but still wanted light exercise? Pacing around because she was deep in thought?

Regardless the reason, Brent walked up two flights of stairs to find the newly christened Slyph continuing her laps around the third floor, a small smile on his face. How would he approach this? With a battering ram? Or a lockpick?

[color=B0C4DE]"Heyo, 'ena,"[/color] he said, a few feet behind her, [color=B0C4DE]"Getting in some post-lunch speedwalking?"[/color]

Even without the added benefit--[i]a mental, wry smile formed at the idea[/i]--of sleep deprived paranoia, Siena would have jumped at the sound of a familiar voice from too close. The mage felt her heart race, her body jerk, felt herself spin on her heel to face Brent while being pulled from her initial thoughts of how utterly hopeless her endeavor to find a damn library was. First, there was a sense of relief, a brief thought that maybe Brent could show her how to get to the study, or anywhere with additional sources, then a faint feeling of panic at being caught without a source on hand. Without a name to hide behind if things went south. Following that, a volatile mixture of emotions that she struggled to identify. 

[i]guiltblameregrethurtbreakcry[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]O-Oh, um...[/color]" She caught herself, reached to twist her hair between her fingers to try and put her mind on the present. "[color=ff57ff]I uh...may be lost.[/color]" The sheepish admission was accompanied by a faint grimace as she processed the inquiry in its entirety. Lunch. Right. She hadn't actually eaten since...she couldn't remember. A day ago? Two? She should have been hungry. It occurred to her that she'd been so focused on one goal that she hadn't even acknowledged trying to map out the rest of the estate in her head. Another mistake on her end. "[color=ff57ff]I think pr--[i]post[/i]-lunch speedwalking sounds less embarrassing though.[/color]"

Instinct told him to take a step back as Siena whipped around, movements much too erratic and nervous to simply be someone 'turning around to face a friend'. There was a thinness to her gray eyes, the smallest of bags hanging underneath then. Almost looked like a mirror. In terms of exhaustion, at least. But it was understandable. He didn't get much sleep last night either, and if sleep meant dreams, it was her choice if she wanted to plunge into that fun little realm of storing short-term memories into long-term databanks. 

So he ignored that instinct and took a step forward instead.

[color=B0C4DE]"Eh? Figured you'd be right at home navigating such a large mansion,"[/color] Brent remarked, pocketing the evidence of his stalking, [color=B0C4DE]"But hey, whatcha looking for? Library? Art gallery? Music room?"[/color]

Lockpick for now. He still remembered how quickly things fell out of hand with Angelic.

Siena was aware she shouldn't have been on edge. Knew it wasn't [i]Brent[/i] that had managed to strip her defenses and leave her terrified, but she still felt an almost overwhelming urge to step back to match his step forward. Instead, she allowed herself to shift her weight, slip a fraction of a centimeter in the desired direction as though it would be enough. She twisted the hair until she felt a few strands spring apart with an inaudible snap, felt a distant echo of both longing and discomfort at Brent's words. He wasn't wrong. 

"[color=ff57ff]I keep thinking it has the same layout as home, I...I guess.[/color]" Which wasn't entirely true, but less revealing than explaining that she'd walked around blindly the night before and hadn't thought of anything but [i]get away[/i], and she was walking now with no more direction than [i]get safety[/i]. Another hair snapped, came loose in her grip. "[color=ff57ff]But the library. I um...[/color]" [i]Don't like being here without a source. Don't want to deal with anyone else yet. Don't feel safe unless I can be someone else.[/i] "[color=ff57ff]Thought it would be good to leave my room for a little.[/color]"

It was only a distance of a few feet, but it was also an...improper one. They had been walking closer before. Talking closer before. But now, there was a rigidity in her stance, a propensity towards twisting her hair. Flirting? Unlikely. Nervous then. Did she read his mind? Know that he was here to talk about what had happened in DC? What she had done with the cars?

Does he drop the battering ram here?

[color=B0C4DE]"Gonna pull out all your hair like that,"[/color] the arbiter chided, [color=B0C4DE]"But it's good that you're going out. Can't be a bedbug like Grant, after all."[/color] He laughed a little at that, before walking forwards once more, taking care to give her distance even as he stood right beside her. [color=B0C4DE]"Figured it'd be the library though. Checked it out myself last night, but it doesn't look like they have a YA section. Lotsa nature books though, if you're into that."[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]A-ah...[/color]" As though simply mentioning the motion was enough to set her hair alight, Siena wrenched her fingers away from her hair. Bad habits died hard--or was that old habits? For an instant, the mage didn't know what [i]caused[/i] that reaction. She didn't...care, did she? No...no time to linger. The girl pushed the thoughts aside for later. Nature wasn't exactly her forte, wasn't filled with any names that she could take, but having something in her hands was better than nothing. "[color=ff57ff]Sort of. I used to read a lot of them.[/color]" 

Not a lie. She did. Not after she'd gained her abilities, but...

"[color=ff57ff]Explore places you can't be at and such.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Eh? Didn't go abroad during summer vacation and all?"[/color]

Siena paused at the inquiry, had to process what [i]summer vacation[/i] was supposed to be. Some distant memory came to life, and Siena shook her head. Right, school terms. She'd have to get familiar with them again.

"[color=ff57ff]No, but I made do with travel guides.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Must be the type to read strategy guides instead of play video games, huh?"[/color] Brent remarked, smiling. Sheltered then, to the extent that it didn't even sound like she did rich people stuff. [color=B0C4DE]"Were you homeschooled?"[/color]

Wait, what?

"[color=ff57ff]Um...home everything, I guess.[/color]" Siena murmured with an uncomfortable tint, a small motion of her hand to accentuate the next two words. "[color=ff57ff]Protective--[/color]" It was hard to place the correct descriptor. "[color=ff57ff]--parents.[/color]"

He hadn't expected her to actually answer, considering how he hadn't even expected himself to ask such a question. Blinking twice, Brent nodded slowly. [color=B0C4DE]"No wonder you didn't know about fast food,"[/color] he said, shifting things to a lighter topic, [color=B0C4DE]"Bet you'd be queen bee in a public high school."[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]I think I would prefer being the quiet bookworm.[/color]" Though she doubted that would have been acceptable for Maya. Still, Siena was grateful to be away from trying to separate one home from another. "[color=ff57ff]I guess I'm kind of predictable...?[/color]" 

[color=B0C4DE]"Princess of the Library Club then?"[/color] the arbiter teased, as he turned the corner. [color=B0C4DE]"And really, after all the twists and turns of our current lives, predictability is pretty pleasant."[/color]

Compared to the madness of their everyday lives, compared to the bipolarity of Angelic's resolve, the fact that Siena liked books alot was turning out to be a pleasant anchor, all things considered. With a few more steps, the duo arrived at the library, Brent opening the door and bowing flamboyantly to let Siena in.

[color=B0C4DE]"Your throne awaits, Your Highness."[/color]

Was...was that a real thing? A flicker of curiosity that Siena snuffed out as best she could. Not the time. Instead, she tried, and failed, to give a half-embarrassed smile, shrinking a little at the display. Still too hard to put on the right masks, harder still with someone that had seen anything real. 

"[color=ff57ff]Th-thanks.[/color]" She tried again, succeeded this time to make the smile stick. Stepping into what should have been a sanctuary, the girl turned to face her companion. "[color=ff57ff]Does this make you a library knight, then?[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Naw, just the servant,"[/color] he chimed, closing the door behind him, [color=B0C4DE]"Someone's gotta do all the background work and all. Books don't dust themselves, after all."[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]Can't a princess promote you or something?[/color]" Siena questioned while glancing around the library. "[color=ff57ff]Besides, a little dust gives them that nice old page smell.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"True, but the king would have my head if his daughter were to get the sniffles from the dust,"[/color] Brent replied. [color=B0C4DE]"And wouldn't it be terrible, if a loyal servant, promoted to knighthood, were to find himself in the front lines of a massive battle?"[/color]

Something about that hit closer to home than she wanted it to. Didn't that sound a little too familiar? Everything faltered a moment, fell out of line for an instant. Too close to home. 

"[color=ff57ff]Well, I don't see a king around here,[/color]" Siena claimed. "[color=ff57ff]But you have a point. I guess a servant gets all the benefits of royalty too--just with more chores and less...[i]politics.[/i][/color]" She accented the final word with a mock grimace, as though the word itself was a bitter medicine.

[color=B0C4DE]"Mhmm, but without a king here, we don't have to think about politics either, eh? Sounds like you get all the benefits of royalty without the chores, 'ena!"[/color] Brent paused then, mid-drama, before breaking out into a grin. [color=B0C4DE]"Seriously though, we gonna continue with this royal court ro- drama, or are you gonna go find enough books to make a fortress?"[/color]
Returning Brent's smile with one of her own, Siena gave a soft laugh. "[color=ff57ff]I think I'll start with a small fortress.[/color]" For a moment, Siena almost let herself feel safe, but she quieted that emotion just like she quieted the others. Still, she softened her expression, eased her smile into something less staged. [i]Thanks.[/i] 

Ah, there it was. All the recompense he really needed in return for support.

[color=B0C4DE]"Tell me if you need help finding stuff, yeah? Basically camped out here myself last night."[/color]
[hr]
A stack of books in arm was a wonderful feeling. It was true that for most cases, Siena preferred to have a digital version of her sources, but there was something about the smell of aged paper and the feel of the spine of a finely bound book that e-ink words couldn't compare to. It had taken longer than expected for Siena to manage to get the gist of the organization, but with Brent's help, she hadn't spent too long standing confused about the general areas of genres or authors. She'd even managed to locate, much to her surprise, a handful of foreign books that she hadn't expected to see. Setting the last of her finds onto a desk, Siena gave a grateful look to Brent. 

"[color=ff57ff]Thanks again for all the help.[/color]" Already, there was a little more safety despite the texts lacking her usual securities. It took a moment for the girl to realize that when she said 'a small fortress', it might have been literal. Far more than she'd actually [i]meant[/i] to take an interest in. "[color=ff57ff]I said I'd control myself, but it doesn't look like I did a very good job, does it?[/color]"

Well, he knew that Siena was a reader, but watching her list off genre after genre after author after title, the sheer range and depth of the literature she consumed made Brent's own reading list look like a elementary school assignment. Foreign books? Enough subjects to make one a goddamn paragon? The arbiter whistled at the collection that she had amassed, enough to fill up a small shelf all by itself.

[color=B0C4DE]"No probs,"[/color] he said, tilting his head to check out some of the titles that had been amassed, [color=B0C4DE]"Didn't realize you read [i]this[/i] many though. Like, damn, ancient Sumerian? Pretty amazing stuff."[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]I got a little excited...[/color]" Siena admitted while looking down at the top of the stack she'd just set down. More security, more safety. More knowledge that she'd never set her hands on before. There were a lot of reasons that books were the easiest thing to find sanctuary in, but Siena didn't like putting that into words. Instead, she gave a sheepish smile. "[color=ff57ff]Well, I um...I remember reading that there were ancient Sumerian epics about Gilgamesh and Lugalbanda. I didn't think I'd find someone that [i]had[/i] them though. I'm...a bit curious about the first written language too.[/color]"

Well, curious about the language, curious if her ability would be able to make heads or tails of the script. She'd tried with a number of languages, but finding one made entirely of cuneiform script wasn't exactly [i]easy[/i]. 

[color=B0C4DE]"Heh, interested in channeling the king of kings?" [/color]he probed, taking a seat. [color=B0C4DE]"Well, tell me if it's a good read or if I should just read the wiki-summary once you're done, yeah? Think you can carry this back yourself?"[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]Bit of a jump from library court to king of kings, isn't it?[/color]" She resisted the urge to tug at her hair as she spoke. "[color=ff57ff]He's not even a very good hero.[/color]" A pause. "[color=ff57ff]Actually, he's kind of a jerk.[/color]" Which was true. Most oh-so-memorable heroes of mythology were far from infallible, and though it might have been a little discouraging, Siena couldn't help but feel a muted sense of relief at the thought. Even heroes made mistakes.

[i]That doesn't mean you get to forgive yourself.[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]But I'll let you know if he's less of one in ancient Sumerian.[/color]" Doubtful. Stories tended to exaggerate good and bad traits each time they were rewritten, and...well, he was still the king of kings, wasn't he? "[color=ff57ff]I think I'll stay and read a few of these before I try and get back to my room.[/color]" Too much chance of running into anyone else if she walked back, too much chance that someone might try to drop in on her, and far too much chance of having to face anyone she wasn't ready to face. "[color=ff57ff]I don't think too many of our peers will need to take over the library anytime soon.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Alright,"[/color] Brent waved, [color=B0C4DE]"Dont get-"[/color]

He was shirking, wasn't he? Just letting himself get drawn into an easy, nonsensical conversation and grabbing a few laughs. Not bothering to pull the trigger, to address the elephant, to do what he had planned to do. Oh boy, what happened to that insensitive, hyper-focused individual he had been just a few weeks ago, the one that pushed Emma six floors underground into hell?

[color=B0C4DE]"-lost on your way back."[/color]

Partially opening the door, he closed it once more, an audible click ringing through the silent library.

[color=B0C4DE]"Right, before I forget..."[/color]

Where was he again, the one that was willing to burn bridges and sever bonds, for a moment's illumination?

[color=B0C4DE]"...what happened with the cars, Siena?"[/color]

[color=000000]There you are.[/color]

[i]He knows?[/i]

Of course anyone would have known. To think otherwise would have been stupid, and Siena knew it. She felt her breath catch in her throat, her eyes shifting away from Brent, the [i]damn hissing[/i] getting louder in her head. Monsters born from monstrous acts. 

[i]guiltblameregrethurtbreakcrybeatruinfleshbloodbone[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]I--[/color]" The word came out wrong. Like someone had wrapped their fingers around her throat and squeezed when she tried to speak. Broken, garbled, and only a single word in. She shut her mouth, took a breath to regain herself. Sources all around her, but none of her usual securities. No name she could hide behind.

She could lie. She could become exactly what she saw herself as. Could make it easier for her to betray and harder to be the one betrayed, but she didn't know if that act could be bought. If having two sides that [i]did[/i] meet was more believable than explaining that she had countless sides that did not. The subnatural wanted, more than anything, for that cool, rational method of thinking to blanket her again, but it didn't come. Couldn't come when she was still trying her hardest to pick apart Dekka and Siena. Which parts belonged and which parts deserved to be put aside.

"[color=ff57ff]I wasn't supposed to drop them. I didn't...I didn't [i]mean[/i] to.[/color]" She heard her voice before she could register that she was speaking, and Siena felt fear rile up, tried to break through and burst. There were no sources. She was supposed to be [i]in control[/i], so why was she speaking before she could filter out the thoughts? Before she could make a decision on what she was [i]supposed[/i] to do? Was it Siena? Or maybe it was Dekka. Or perhaps it was someone whose name she'd taken, sealed up for so long that she had forgotten to close them away while trying to wrestle with the new onslaught...but it was too late to step back. Too [i]late[/i]. "[color=ff57ff]It doesn't change that I did.[/color]"

[i]beatbreakruinfleshbloodbone[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]You don't have to believe me.[/color]" Because [i]she[/i] wouldn't have believed anyone in her position, not when so many subnaturals were monsters that looked human. Siena didn't raise her eyes, [i]couldn't[/i] raise them to look at Brent. "[color=ff57ff]We were supposed to help them.[/color]" And she'd made to many mistakes to count. 

That was enough. A mistake then. One mistake that collided with another mistake and produced a tragedy no one wanted. Was evacuation team trying to help them? Or was that just Siena who wanted to? Or did 'suppose' have a different meaning, one that implied the difference between duty and desire? He was unfair. He was picking at scabs that had only just formed, cracking open eggs that were still a jumbled mess. It was enough to know that this was a mistake.

But it wasn't enough for Brent.

It would have been too easy to leave, to keep quiet, to accept this without returning anything. Emma. Callan. Marcus. Angelic. So many divides. He had to stop losing, to bridge the gap before it became that same uncomfortable divide formed between so many others. He hardly talked to Emma now, even though he praised and mocked her behind her back. Callan avoided him, consigning herself to voluntary solitary confinement. And the words that remained unspoken between Marcus and himself was a blight upon their brotherhood.

So he pushed himself a bit. One step. Another. A third. Until he could seat himself opposite of Siena, giving her the distance of a table's width.

[color=B0C4DE]"It's..."[/color] No, that was wrong. [color=B0C4DE]"You're going to have to carry that burden."[/color]

[color=000000]There you aren't.[/color]

[color=B0C4DE]"I'm not in a place to offer forgiveness,"[/color] he said, eyes locked onto her downturned gaze, [color=B0C4DE]"And I can't share your burden either. But..."[/color]

This isn't a time for smiles.

[color=B0C4DE]"Why were they raised, Siena?"[/color]

This was a time for answers.

[color=B0C4DE]"What were you trying to do?"[/color]

[i]Don't...don't what?[/i] Siena tried to piece together her thoughts. Don't look in the eye? Don't touch? Don't get closer? What exactly was that thought supposed to finish into? She shifted her eyes briefly, an instinctive need hide the color. [i][color=f7976a]We can't hide what color they become.[/color][/i] But she didn't retreat further than that, didn't think that anything she did would change that these were questions she would have had to answer. If not Brent, then Zhang--no, she was too far up the ladder. Some other face that was there to punish, to break someone down until answers could be extracted. 

"[color=ff57ff]Clearing the road. They were all abandoned by the time we got there. Even if we weren't driving a truck, we--[/color]" No, maybe not all of them. "[color=ff57ff]I would have tried to clear the block anyways. Nobody could continue down that path to the evacuation point in that condition.[/color]" And nobody would have been able to come in if Unit B had failed and it turned out that the military would have needed that wide, empty road. She kept that to herself. "[color=ff57ff]I thought it would be faster to reduce gravity and push them. Less time per car we moved.[/color]"

But then people had panicked. An obvious display of powers in a place where she had already known that subnaturals weren't welcome. Even if Cat's Cradle hadn't appeared, shouldn't she have expected the reaction?

"[color=ff57ff]And...reducing gravity instead of negating it meant I could keep them from going out of sight while we moved everything out of the way. In...in case they weren't all abandoned.[/color]"

Crisp, clean answers, even if marred by some hesitation, flowed out easily. Why was it so easy to see this as the truth? Because Siena was an honest individual? Unlikely. The two of them were similar in a way. Because there was no reason to lie about this? Doubtful. One could always lie, even without reason. Because he came into this already wanting to trust her? Typical. Confirmation bias.

He remained quiet as she spoke. It was easy enough to imagine what happened when things went out of hand. Perhaps her concentration was broken when the bricks fell. Perhaps it was Angelic's scream that did the trick instead. Grant was strong, but catching all those cars wouldn't have been easy. And no one else could have helped.

[color=B0C4DE]"I see,"[/color] Brent said, at the end.

He envisioned himself leaving. Walking away now. Giving her some breathing space. Avoiding any deeper involvement. But his hand extended over the table instead. Reaching the halfway point. There was still that particular bond though. That codependency, formed between two people who couldn't help themselves.

[color=B0C4DE]"I believe you."[/color] Not accept. Not tolerate. Believe. [color=B0C4DE]"What would you like me to do?"[/color]

What did she want to do?

[i]I don't know how to fix this.[/i] That was the first thought that came in response to the question. A quick and neat little thought that didn't do justice to what had come to life in response to the question. There were countless things that she could have said, words that could fill the space, do [i]something[/i] so she could at least pretend that she knew how to keep herself together.

"[color=ff57ff]I...I don't know.[/color]" It was barely a whisper, and it was the truth. She [i]didn't[/i] know, and there was no one around to help guide her through. No Gerwulf with his callused hands to direct her own, no Maya to whisper tips and tricks into her ears, only Siena, who only knew how to do what others told her she had to do. She took a moment to think, kept thinking, kept [i]trying[/i] to come up with an answer, and when she couldn't, felt an overwhelming sense of being lost...and she couldn't stop it from showing. "[color=ff57ff]And I hate not knowing.[/color]"

The shadow of another's influence still lingered, didn't it? Living your life for someone else, until you couldn't be certain what you wanted. Some people embraced it. Others tolerated it. But when that crutch was removed...

He could understand that loss, that crumbling sensation as you looked inside and realized that you just had a ridiculously thick exterior. He could understand it, but he couldn't do anything about it. Didn't know a way to lead her elsewhere. After all, he was the sort of parasite that clung to anything in order to give meaning to himself. How on earth could he...

[i]This far in, and he planned to fold?[/i]

...he'll figure out a way.

[color=B0C4DE]"Yeah, I can see that,"[/color] Brent said, softly, [color=B0C4DE]"I don't know what you've been through, and you don't have to share that if you don't want to, but...hey. I'll be here. If you find something, I'll help you get a hold of it. Doesn't have to be big, doesn't have to be world-changing. Can't share your burden, cause I'm a pretty terrible mule, but when you find a path, I'll give you all the support you need."[/color]

Gah, this was coming out all wrong. How absolutely rancid.

[color=B0C4DE]"Take your time. I can wait."[/color]

A cautious, half-hearted smile formed at the words--it was...nice not to have someone immediately default to telling her what to do. A strange relief mingled with anxiety at the thought of not knowing what to do. At the fact that there [i]was[/i] no end goal laid out for her, and no names lingering in the back of her head, in the depths of her heart, to try and whisper what she should do. A long pause as she went over everything in her head. What she wanted to do, instinctively, was [i]fix[/i] something. To do something to help someone else, but that was just distracting her from the problem, wasn't it? Another long moment of thought. 

"[color=ff57ff]I don't know exactly what I want to do,[/color]" she started. Her eyes trailed from her books, to the hand on the table, and slowly, settled on Brent. Didn't keep eye contact--[i]still no good at it[/i]--but let their gaze meet for a moment before she directed her attention slightly down. "[color=ff57ff]But for right now, I...I just want to be honest with someone.[/color]" Another pause as she ran through the events of what had happened during the slaughter. She hadn't seen everything, but there were things she'd [i]heard[/i]. "[color=ff57ff]Or at least, I'd like for someone to be honest with me.[/color]"

Honesty? Hah. He came here just to come that, in a way. Though whether this result was to be expected? No, he definitely didn't expect it. A smile creeped up on his face, genuine and reflexive, as Siena raised her own. Baby steps, but she was making progress.

[color=B0C4DE]"Wanna try it?"[/color] Brent asked. [color=B0C4DE]"Just for a question or two?"[/color]

Just a question or two. That didn't sound too difficult, but a quiet voice in the back of Siena's head told her that not hiding anything wouldn't be easy. Not if the right questions were asked, and not...not when it was anyone that she knew didn't have a real baseline. Still...this was what s he wanted, right? Because if she was honest to one person, maybe eventually, she'd stop having to use names to lie to everyone, to [i]herself[/i]. A flicker of hesitation flashed across her face, but...

"[color=ff57ff]A-alright...[/color]" Though apprehension fluttered just beneath the surface. "[color=ff57ff]I think I can do that...[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"'kay." [/color]

This was a good chance. He could ask for all the spicy details of evacuation team's massive failures. Good chance to ask about her past, get an idea of what made her the way she is. Good chance to get specifics about her power. Good chance to even ask about nonsensical stuff, like what her favorite food was. Even ask about what she thought about literally anyone else. But that wasn't what he asked without hesitation.

[color=B0C4DE]"What do you think about me? All your thoughts. Good, bad, ugly."[/color]

Who would have known that all he wanted was to get roasted?

Out of the countless questions that couls have been asked, [i]that[/i]...was not exactly what Siena had been expecting. She blinked once in surprise, a quick flutter of the eyelids as though uncertain that she'd heard correctly. Most people didn't want to hear [i]every[/i] thought about a them, Siena had never actually given every thought she'd ever had to someone. Ever. 

Straight into the fire, was it?

"[color=ff57ff]Oh, um...[/color]" The brunette took a moment to gather her thoughts. Every one? No, that was probably just a quicker way to say [i]the important ones[/i]. To give every single thought would have taken too long--she was aware that there were too many thoughts. Too many stray emotions to entirely filter out the thoughts that came to mind. "[color=ff57ff]Starting with an essay question, huh?[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Feel free to toss that question back at me when it's my turn,"[/color] Brent replied, a smile surfacing, [color=B0C4DE]"You wanted honesty the other way around too, yeah?"[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]Fair enough.[/color]" She supposed, at least. With a breath, Siena tried to form a response that didn't hide the things she observed to take an advantage, the things she thought to herself because that was the only way she really knew how to deal with people. [i]Just talk. Pretend he's August.[/i] 

"[color=ff57ff]You...remind me of home a little.[/color]" Siena stopped, frowned faintly, and corrected herself. "[color=ff57ff]S-sorry. More than a little, I guess.[/color]" Right, that was step one, at least. "[color=ff57ff]Like...you watch people, and you notice things about them that most others wouldn't, and it's...a little intimidating for me.[/color]" Because she didn't like having things noticed about her, but that wasn't about [i]him[/i], right? "[color=ff57ff]But you strike me as someone that doesn't...hm...I suppose hold back is a good way to phrase it? Not in the 'no filter' way, the other way.[/color]" Someone that [i]did[/i] things, and didn't hesitate to put their all into something because failing was hard. 

Another pause. That [i]was[/i] familiar. 

"[color=ff57ff]...actually, more than home, you remind me of someone that...um...[/color]" She paused, uncertain which way things [i]were[/i] in that particular case. "[color=ff57ff]...someone that I knew.[/color]" Not a lie--at least, not as much of one when compared to how uncertain she was in what she originally wanted to say. "[color=ff57ff]And that makes me a little wary of you. He wasn't a bad person, but he wasn't afraid to cross lines that I wished he wouldn't.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Above and beyond,"[/color] Brent recalled, speaking more to himself than Siena.

She nodded briefly. Above and beyond, and that was why he was always gone. 

Not important. 

"[color=ff57ff]I guess I don't see you as someone that would ignore anything that you can help with either, and I--[/color]" A cold realization settled over the girl. Something she hadn't really wanted to acknowledge or admit. She offered a weak smile. A co-dependent type of relationship, but..."[color=ff57ff]I honestly don't think you need my help at all.[/color]"

He took in a breath. Opened his mouth. The answer was already in his mind, pregnant thoughts giving birth to a messy reassurance. But Brent stopped. Reconsidered. And nodded once at her answer.

[color=B0C4DE]"Your turn, 'ena,"[/color] the amethyst eyed youth said, turning his palms over, [color=B0C4DE]"Ask me anything."[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]Alright.[/color]" Anything. That was a lot of questions that could have come to mind, a lot of answers to sate her curiosity that might keep the usual desire to know [i]everything[/i] at bay when she was around the boy. Still, there was only one real question that she knew she wanted to ask. Things were supposed to go both ways, right?

"[color=ff57ff]What do you think of yourself? It doesn't have to be everything, but...some things.[/color]"

Well...he had lead her into this after all, huh? Even if the turnaround would be her asking him what he thought of her. And ultimately, it's not like he hadn't shared parts of himself before. It wasn't fully intentional, what with it just being part of the torrent of self-loathing that slipped out, but still...he didn't know what Siena shared often, but this shouldn't be difficult. Brent had his own skeletons, of course, but he's lived with them long enough, fought with them long enough, that he was numb to it.

What he thought about himself? It was definitely less of what he didn't want to share and more of what Siena didn't need to hear, right?

[color=B0C4DE]"Going for the jugular with this, eh?"[/color] he grinned, leaning back on his seat, amethyst eyes no longer so focused on Siena's own. [color=B0C4DE]"Well, where to begin..."[/color]

False hesitation and unnecessary contemplation. The truth wasn't that complicated, shouldn't take that much time to consider.

[color=B0C4DE]"If everyone else is a statue, I'm a mold. Does that make sense? I think it does. If you imagine that mold as possessing an unreasonably tough exterior, you know?”[/color] Brent laughed, but he looked upwards instead, leaning back on the seat. [color=B0C4DE]“Did enough thinking in the past about this to know that I basically have no passions, only an arbitrary collection of likes and dislikes. Optimistically, that’s what drives me to try so hard at everything, why I dabble in everything. If I do find something one day, I don’t want to waste time building up my foundation. I think I’d like to just rush for it, headlong.”[/color]
 
He wasn’t forcing himself. His smiles were the same as always.
 
[color=B0C4DE]“Pessimistically, that means I’m empty and needy, a leech with no plans for the far future. That’s why I do this, you know? That’s why I care so much about what other people do, pushing them forwards once they have a goal, even if that means pushing them off a ledge.”[/color] Like Emma, who wasn’t ready yet to face the horrors of their current lives. Like Callan, who couldn’t deal with the implications that her superhuman body didn’t make [i]her[/i] superhuman. Like Angelic, who he had inspired to continually rewrite herself, when her own will wasn’t nearly as broken as his own. [color=B0C4DE]“I have nothing, so all I want is to support others, who do have things they love and things they hate. I want to see them at their end goals, and if possible, to bask in that sense of achievement a bit.”[/color]
 
His smiles were the same as always, but there was a darkness there, swirling in his eyes as he rambled on towards the ceiling, knowing that something was going to break, that something was going to [color=000000][i]give[/i][/color].
 
[color=B0C4DE]“That’s why I go out of my way so much to help you, Siena. You have something I lack as well, something unique, and all I’m good for is helping you along there. It’s like…you know? ‘A tool’s only useful if it’s used’.”[/color] A quick breath. A transient eternity.[color=B0C4DE] “What else can I do?”[/color]
 
It was swirling in his eyes too much now, so he closed them.
 
[color=B0C4DE]“Sorry, I’m rambling and I haven’t even answered your question directly. What I think of myself?”[/color]
 
He envisioned sitting inside one of the Charger Hellcats, the heat on, every window closed, the muffler plugged, until the carbon monoxide dulled his thoughts and killed him.
 
[color=B0C4DE]“I think I’d rather be anyone else.”[/color]
 
Too far. That was another bridge burned. Should have thought more about it after all. Honesty was honestly horrible.

Siena listened, certainly, but her eyes peered for more than simple words. Searched for traces of emotions that she might be able to identify--[i]was she really so useless without knowing how to manipulate?[/i]--and utilize at first, but as Brent spoke, the girl found herself less intent on her search, found that the words were familiar. So she peered at Brent with a quiet, stoic mask. Better not to see what the words did, better not to let on how far back she had to push everything so she could just [i]listen[/i]. That was what she was better at, wasn't it?

And when he had finished, the mask slipped away, and she was left a child that was too young and listening to too much again. A child sitting prim and proper on a seat while Maya carefully did her hair, explained in quiet whispers what Siena had seen. What she had understood correctly and what she had misunderstood. 

"[color=ff57ff]Don't call yourself that.[/color]" And something [i]did[/i] break. A quiet, hurt tone that she couldn't hide. She didn't want to remember, those moments were too real. She couldn't do anything but accept that they had happened. They were real. 

[i]Once, she had looked him in the eye and [b]forced[/b] him to tell the truth. Not Siena then, she had told herself, but since when had she drawn such stark distinctions between Ilsa and herself?[/i]

She took a deep breath, felt it shudder despite her best efforts to hold it steady. She held back the childish tantrum that wanted to shatter what remained of the dam that held everything in. No, she was [i]better[/i] than that now. Siena knew that, but that didn't stop her from wanting to do it. How would it feel? If she shouted until someone listened to her? If she could do exactly what she had done then? No...she had to take a step back. It hadn't worked last time, it wouldn't work this time.

"[color=ff57ff]Christ, you really are just like him.[/color]" [i]Calm yourself.[/i] "[color=ff57ff]You haven't found a passion, so you reach the conclusion that you're empty?[/color]"

[i]"[color=ff57ff]Coward! You can't find something you care about, so you decide you're not worth anything? What the hell kind of reasoning is that?[/color]" She had shouted, her hands slamming hard against the solid oak of the table as her temper flared, heat rising, searing everything else inside until it backed away. "[color=ff57ff]That's bullshit! You just don't want to risk not liking what you see if you decide there [b]is[/b] something in there.[/color]"[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]It's not...it's not that simple.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Yeah,"[/color] Brent replied, opening his eyes once more, [color=B0C4DE]"Sorry to disappoint, but you have every right to be wary about me."[/color]

Nothing lingered in his eyes anymore, and he shifted forwards once more, elbows resting on the table. Strange, how even now, after peeling back the exterior to reveal the apathetic mind that rested within, the arbiter couldn't find himself capable of really...caring. No, that wasn't right. Her disbelief, her rejection, it all stung. But that was it. Just pinpricks.

She hadn't gone for the throat, hadn't tried to tear out his heart.

[color=B0C4DE]"Do you say that, though, because you've been there before?"[/color] [s]A pause[/s]. No pause. [color=B0C4DE]"Or are you saying what you wanted to say in the past, to that other person?"[/color]

His eyes were clear. An empty, lifeless lake.

[color=B0C4DE]"If it's not that simple, what is it?"[/color]

Siena didn't hesitate when she saw the empty gaze. 

[i]He'd looked back at her with that same look when she'd dragged the truth from his mouth. Had been in a daze when her voice demanded what his own had not wanted to give.[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]Both.[/color]" The word was clear, and the brunette didn't know whether it was anger, concern, or legitimate bravery that kept it as so. She didn't tear her gaze away. She had said what she wanted to in the past, had burned one bridge while forming another, but that hadn't changed anything. It didn't mean a damn thing when it had come from her then, someone whose emptiness had been forged because she had tried too hard to please. [i]Would he have been proud?[/i] 

"[color=ff57ff]So you don't have a passion yet, maybe you don't want to acknowledge that there is one. I can't speak for you.[/color]" She didn't let herself flinch. Made herself keep pushing forward because this was why she was there, wasn't it? She could see the familiar look of apathy, and felt an uncomfortable apprehension creep up her spine. Familiar in more ways than one. [i]You couldn't help him, you can't help this one either.[/i] [i][color=ff57ff]Shut. Up.[/color][/i] "[color=ff57ff]But if you were empty, you wouldn't still be here. You, no, [i]Brent[/i] is still the one sitting here.[/color]" She felt a flash of anger, repressed it. An instinctive, frustrated desire to lash out at someone that couldn't find the value in what they had, what they [i]were[/i]. The brunette knew better than to give in to the desire to do so.

Brent's still the one sitting here? The meaningless, perfect smile persisted.

Hah, there was a fire there after, huh? Through the fractures of the mask she wore, he could see it boiling, a maelstrom of emotions, a past that [i]mattered[/i]. He was flattered, even, that she'd go out of her way to convince him otherwise, to get so worked up when his past experiences with her had been so controlled. Siena was revealing something he didn't have, a geniune...something. He couldn't, shouldn't identify it. Didn't have the right to. He'd never have the right, not if he still felt nothing when she spoke such words.

Not when all it did was chip away a little at his exterior.

[color=B0C4DE]"I'm not completely empty then,"[/color] Brent replied, [color=B0C4DE]"Let's say I messed up with defining that. Let's say I do, indeed, have some degree of identity. But that's all. [i]It's still not enough.[/i] A few droplets in a cup doesn't mean it's full, doesn't mean it's worth anything. It doesn't even matter if I have everything else, a fully formed list of likes and dislikes, a whole array of catchphrases and quotes, a whole battalion of friends and enemies."[/color]

Even now he could hear those words. [color=000000]Doesn't matter.[/color]

[color=B0C4DE]"As long as there's a gaping hole in which nothing fits, it doesn't matter. No amount of rhetoric can fix that."[/color]

And then, it slipped out. Involuntarily. [color=000000]Darkly.[/color]

[color=B0C4DE]"If you want me to act as a replacement for that other person though, I'd be fine with it."[/color]

[i]Calm down. Calm down. CALM DOWN.[/i]

She could no more calm herself than she could put out a forest fire with a spray bottle of ethanol. Each attempt seemed to stoke the flames, had the inferno devour everything in its path until it was the only emotion that remained. White hot, a blinding sense of outrage that she wasn't unfamiliar with. [i]It's been a long time, hm?[/i] Long enough that she'd forgotten what it was like, at least, for that unpleasant side to burn. Calm down. [i]Calm down.[/i]

[i]'[color=f7976a]Such a temper. Who did you pick that up from?[/color]'[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]No.[/color]" The word itself was calm, steady, it betrayed nothing of the hellstorm that brewed just beneath the surface, waiting for its chance to boil over. Calm down. 

[i]She had observed and imitated what she could, pulled on the back of his shirt and displayed it proudly, only to get a pitying expression followed by one of muted horror, and she could read it on his face. [u]What had he done?[/u][/i]

"[color=ff57ff]You [i]can't[/i] replace him.[/color]" A vicious, brutal part of her wanted to scream, to turn his words back on him. How could someone that called themselves [i]empty[/i] replace anyone? She swallowed the words, but they were like fire all the way down, scalded and seared everything. [i]Burn it away until nothing will grow.[/i] Calm down. She tried, to no avail, to do as she commanded. A gaping hole where nothing fit. "[color=ff57ff]Nothing fits? Have you even tried?[/color]" This wasn't calm, and though Siena tried to back away from the boiling tide, she couldn't escape it. Couldn't pretend that it wasn't as much a part of her as the white mark on her face. "[color=ff57ff]You can't fill a void by pretending to be someone else. It doesn't [i]work[/i] like that.[/color]"

The sea continued to boil, threatening to overflow. [i]Please, calm down.[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]All those things that you've tried to find passion in, did you do any of them for yourself?[/color]"

Had he even tried? Did Siena spend so much time with her eyes glued to the screen of her Kindle that she didn't notice all the things he learned and continued to learn? A bitterness surfaced on the roof of his mouth, a sensation he hadn't tasted in a while. More cracks, more fractures, and still, the stimuli was lacking. He knew that it would be better to defuse the situation, to admit, perhaps falsely, that no, he didn't really try, and no, he didn't do it for himself.

But that was also wrong.

And she had ignored the other possibility. Didn't consider the other option. That he hadn't given up yet, that he still saw this only as a temporary status. That he killed his present self every morning in hopes that his reincarnation was something [i]more[/i]. Did she have an answer past that point? Did she have an answer to the Brent that continued to amass skills for his own benefit, that supported others only to take a little bit of their strength for himself?

There was a storm brewing there, a storm reflected in that amethyst gaze that remained resolutely, stubbornly empty regardless of what meaning she tried to burn into it.

[color=B0C4DE]"Of course I did."[/color] A hard edge. [color=B0C4DE]"I've done everything for myself. I've learned to aim and shoot handguns, I've learned to climb, I've learned to cook, I've learned to drink, I've learned to fold origami, I've learned to kickbox, I've learned how to play DDR, I've learned how to do that shuffle-dance you see in night clubs, I've learned how to drive a cart, I've learned how to [i]kill[/i]. And I've still planning on learning new things. I'm going to learn how to make pastries, I'm going to learn how to play musical instruments properly, I'm going to learn how to paint, I'm going to learn how to fish, I'm going to learn how to hunt, I'm going to learn how to use a knife properly in close quarters."[/color]

A breath. Deep and relaxed. [color=B0C4DE]"And that only encompasses the things I've learned since coming to USARILN. I've spent twelve years picking up a whole menagerie of [i]things[/i]. I stargaze, I hike, I karaoke, I kayak, I waterski, I bike, I watch documentaries, I play Ultimate, I work out, I edit videos, I meme, I dispense love advice, I organize events, I act, I rollerblade, I pray, I review restaurants, I babysit, I teach elementary school kids, I track budgets, I make props, I boulder, I do all that and more."[/color]

Don't compare me to some sheltered bitch drunk on delusions.

[color=B0C4DE]"Do you think I'd let any of these skills, any of these experiences rot just because I don't feel anything for it? Do you think it detracts for the value of these skills just because I use them to help others? Do you think I've given up, Siena? Do you think I want to stay empty?"[/color] Bones were popping. The blood was quickening.

[color=B0C4DE]"Let me ask you again. This gaping, empty hole that remains unplugged. Do you have it still? Have you lived with it your entire life? Have you managed to fill it yet? Have you spent your waking hours trying to fill it all up?"[/color]

He had stopped smiling. It was twisting again. For an arbiter, he really was shitty, huh?

[color=B0C4DE]"Help me, Siena. And if you don't want to do that, [i]bury me[/i]."[/color]

Did he think she would back down? 

"[color=ff57ff]Don't fuck with me.[/color]" Words that belonged to her, words that weren't hers--the line was blurred a long time ago. Empty, meaningless tasks, and he still thought they were for him. She didn't flinch, felt the rest of that [i]prim and proper bitch[/i] try to rise up and take control. 

[i]'[color=ff57ff]No.[/color]'[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]Do you honestly think any of those things were done for [i]you[/i] and not whatever the fuck [i]this[/i] is trying to pretend it's you?[/color]" The words were harder than she was used to hearing from her own mouth. A lifetime to sand off the hard edges that she couldn't remember being born with, and it was all coming apart. "[color=ff57ff]You want me to be honest? Yeah, that [i]hole[/i], as you keep calling it? I still have it. I tried doing what you're doing now, and it didn't help. I tried to fill it by being more names than I can remember, and it made it [i]worse[/i]. Do you really think who you're talking to now is the person I was before? Stupid little Siena Harker, who never got to exist?[/color]" 

[i]STEP BACK, LITTLE HARKER.[/i]

[i]'[color=ff57ff]No.[/color]'[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]I did everything I could to fill it, [i]I still do[/i]. When we're out fighting, when we're here, when I'm alone and trying to remember [i]who the fuck I am[/i], I can't afford to stop trying because almost everything that I was, everything that I ever [i]will be[/i] has been ripped away by people that don't even exist.[/color]" She'd torn her heart out and left it to die. How many times had she done it? Once? Twice? A hundred times? "[color=ff57ff]But [i]someone[/i] is still here, and I can work with that if I don't let myself look away from what I don't want to see.[/color]"

The fire grew. Whose fire was it? Hers? Her mother's? Gerwulf's? Or maybe it was any of the names she'd stolen once before. Ilsa, Katherine, Kel, Holland, Victor. 

"[color=ff57ff]So tell me, Brent, all those skills and experiences, when you stop gaining them, what then? What do you do when you run out of things to [i]do[/i]? Will you stop skimming everything [i]then[/i], or will you find another excuse to say that nothing fits so you can keep looking for something to distract you?[/color]" The torrent was rising, crashing against a feeble dam that couldn't hold when it was being assaulted by so much. The Santana in her said to quiet down, to apologize and be proper, but the Harker refused to listen. "[color=ff57ff]Tell me, because I [i]want[/i] to help.[/color]"

She didn't falter. Didn't [i]stop[/i]. 

[i]Are you satisfied now, little Harker?[/i]

"[color=ff57ff][i]Tell me[/i], because I won't [i]let you[/i] get closer to becoming me.[/color]"

It struck him harder than a slap in the face, when Siena finally tore off her mask to spit pure venom, laying bare her own thoughts, own traumas, own life. Struck him so hard because it was so clear now. Oh god. It was too late. They really were too close already. Birds of a feather flock together. Likes repel. Harker. Roless. Holy shit.

It was surfacing now, and he couldn't stop it, peals of hyena-like laughter rushing out of him as his smile finally turned into that predatorial, fanged sneer he held when he was alone in Wisford.

This was too much. This was too hilarious. This was too, much too excruciating.

[color=B0C4DE]"You don't see it, [i]Harker[/i]? You don't feel it already?"[/color] The arbiter, no, the boy, stood up from his seat, the silver blood with him boiling in ecstasy and agony. [color=B0C4DE]"You don't know yet, do you? Superficial the differences that remain are? Come on, you read, don't you? Say it out loud, Harker! What does 'Roless' sound like? We both don't exist, huh? We're just two unwanted phantoms, bearing names too heavy for our small, pitiful, bullshit selves to carry!"[/color]

[color=B0C4DE]"You find solace in names, in powers, in the people who you take from the books. I find solace in skills, in objects, in things without a thought and a voice of their own! And we both have such mind-blowing, incomprehensible versatility because we don't have ourselves!"[/color] His voice boomed, jubilant, mad, hands stretched out to the side. Embracing this revulsion that stained his tongue with poison. [color=B0C4DE]"I don't think about 'what then'! I think about 'what's next'! The summit I've chosen is ridiculously high, and subnatural I am now isn't going to survive that climb. Why else would I plunge headlong into danger, while everyone else wants to run?!"[/color]

Rein himself in? He didn't need that now. A flick of the wrist and he felt the heat rush up his brain, felt the poison making his heart beat.

[color=B0C4DE]"I improve myself, kill myself every day. If one day it doesn't make me better, it'll kill me. And I'm fine with that."[/color]

A last plea? A last wish? A last miracle? No, it was nothing pretty or pitiful like that.

[color=B0C4DE]"I can't stop myself, and I can't help myself, cause I don't think I'm worth all that effort."[/color]

Just a final truth, by a boy without a family.

[color=B0C4DE]"If you're going to help me, you're gonna have to force me."[/color]

And that predatorial smirk became too painful to hold any longer.

[color=B0C4DE]"So come on, Harker. Show me your [i]fangs[/i]."[/color]

[hider=And it all falls in place]She didn't know what broke, something did. Hers? His? The words cut, but not as much as the name. [i]Harker.[/i] Each time Brent said it, the brand pressed deeper, searing until it left its mark, made her [i]remember[/i] what she wasn't anymore. Siena Harker, Siena Santana. Somewhere, far beyond the haze of heat, a quiet voice wondered how long it had been since anyone had called her [i]Harker[/i]. A quiet voice wondered where Roless was. 

[i]Where are you now?[/i]

He wasn't wrong, but he wasn't right. There were too many things in between for him to be either, but that didn't stop it from rending into her. Finally, past the outside, and this was what the payoff was, said the proper girl. [i]Finally, something out of him,[/i] said the fire that reached with outstretched fingers, ravenous for more kindling. It wasn't the same kind of feeling when her need to [i]know[/i] ate at her. 

But all those words, and none managed to sink into her flesh like the last.

[i][color=f7976a]Show me your fangs.[/color][/i]

[i]He stepped too close, pushed her back with a hard motion that made her stagger, tore her eyes up from the floor where they had been for too many minutes, a tranquil anger in his expression, a hard edge on his words. Siena looked up, met emerald eyes and an expression she hadn't seen before. So many faces, but she'd never seen him angry. 

"[color=f7976a]If someone pushes you around, you fight back, damn it![/color]"

She was pushed back another few steps, her back hitting the wall, the eyes boring further in. Past Santana, past Harker.[/i]

[b][color=f7976a]Show me your fangs.[/color][/b]

Siena rose to her feet, eyes still grey, but blinded by something that wasn't just the inferno that lingered. The stack of books toppled with the abrupt motion, fell in a haphazard heap onto the table like a broken tower, and then went unnoticed by the brunette. Too close. Too much. She grit her teeth, felt the ocean boil over and scald every part of her it touched. Too far gone, too close to home. He wanted fangs? [i]Fine[/i].

A quick motion, practiced and trained--[i]once, she had landed it badly. Had to wrap her fingers together and felt as though she'd disappointed him[/i]--but the fist wasn't angled to where she [i]should[/i] have aimed it. Not to the jaw--too much for too little payoff in showing her fangs. Just a bit higher, a controlled attack that spoke for more than her words could.

A burst of light, a flash of pain, and his head snapped back, two steps taken, retreating from the force of the blow. There was a grace there, a fluidity that didn't make sense for someone who was just a sheltered bookworm...but that wasn't what Harker was, was it? He wanted to taste that, and he did, the sharpness of the initial strike turned into a dull burn that throbbed and throbbed.

It'd been a while since he took such a hit.

[color=000000]You're sick.[/color]

His own fists clenched, the nostalgia and the disgust fusing together. The boy's jaw clicked. Not enough yet. He didn't go this far just for half-measures and warning shots.

[color=B0C4DE]"That the best you got?! Angelic hits harder than that with her words alone!"[/color]

One heavy kick drove his foot into the edge of the table, flipping it forwards and upwards. A part of him didn't want to break anything, but another part knew that this wasn't going to end without breaking things.

[i]'[color=ff57ff]He's stronger than you.[/color]'[/i] Siena didn't have to let the thought complete to know that. She had given up any chance of that kind of raw strength when she chose to accept herself as Santana. Her body was moving as soon as the table started shifting its position, the sound of a heavy blow not entirely registering as Siena pushed back, her chair hitting the floor, the sound of her sanctuary falling apart, books falling like debris to the ground. 

She couldn't clear it before it rose to greet her.

The table hit with an unsurprising amount of force, enough to push her back, enough to have her feet catch in the legs of the fallen chair and send her for the floor--or it would have, if her muscles hadn't remembered how to manage. She shifted her weight, redirected the momentum into a roll that had her hitting another set of chairs, but the girl was back on her feet just a split second faster with the roll, and the barrier that had separated the two was overturned. A dull ache spread where the table had managed to make contact--probably enough to bruise--but it only drew the faintest trace of a cool smile that didn't match with the fire. [i]Real.[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]No place for [i]words[/i] here, right?[/color]" [i]Are you satisfied, little Harker?[/i] Forward she went, closing the distance, teeth clenched and a low kick aimed, again, just off the mark.

She rolled with it. Of course she did. If Harker fell over after something as useless as that, then he'd really have just been fighting Santana all along. Only a few seconds in, and the library was already a mess, chairs strewn on the floor while books laid in disarray. The sharper, more rational part of him told him he should move this outside, that he was just being a brat, but it didn't matter all that much at all.

Brent was just a boy, in the end.

[color=B0C4DE]"Hella right,"[/color] he replied, closing the distance as she did. His amethyst eyes, wide and wild, caught the shift in her front leg as it blurred into a low kick, and Brent bent it in response, leg muscles becoming taut. Another dull pain, bursting out into his calf, caused his own knuckles to tighten until they were bone-white, a full force left straight cannonballing into Siena's chest. Was she still taking this easy? Was it that hard to aim for his knee?

[i]C'mon, you can't stop anyone with just that much determination.[/i]

[i]Fuck.[/i]

A hollow sound accompanied the impact of Brent's fist, the force sending Siena staggering back. The ache wasn't sharp, a bruising pain that spread before prickling out into a static-like numbness. [i]He's not holding back.[/i] [i]'[color=ff57ff]No shit.[/color]'[/i] She coughed, more to clear what breath had caught at the surprise of impact, and the fire burned hotter. It wasn't the worst hit she'd ever taken, but it wasn't one that she could expect to take a second time at full force. 

[i]Fuck, don't just stand there.[/i]

But she needed the moment to breathe, to regain herself, and her body refused to fully listen. A distant throb reminded her. [i]Real[/i].

[color=B0C4DE]"Fuck, don't just stand there," [/color]Brent grimaced, shaking out his hand, [color=B0C4DE]"What the hell are you made of, Harker, sugar and feather down?"[/color]

A grimace when movement reignited the pain, something else behind the grimace that reared its ugly head. [i]Real.[/i] That was how she remembered, wasn't it? 

"[color=ff57ff]Ngh...don't wanna hear that from someone who can't throw a proper punch.[/color]" But [i]shit[/i], that had hurt more than she'd expected. Another breath was all it took for her to remember how to move again, once again closing the distance, pushing to get closer than before, the motion to attack starting too late for a real punch.

[i]Well, it wasn't one.[/i]

Her arm drew up, thumb tucked to the chest, the sharp point of an elbow exposed for an instant before she struck, the movement prepared to drive through to the solar plexus.

Another jab? Or a haymaker this time? A kick, even?

[color=B0C4DE]"Don't say that when you g-"[/color]

It was neither. An elbow strike, performed with the rotation of the hip, so that the sharpest, boniest point could smash into the center of his chest. Couldn't counterpunch this. Didn't understand in time to block. Oh shit!

An instinctive jerk caused it to strike the left side of his chest instead, a heavy impact almost knocking him flat on his ass. He had traded a crippling blow for a devastating one, every instinct in his body telling him to fold over and gasp for air. But he had built himself up stronger than that, and expecting Harker to be kind enough to not follow-through was sheer idiocy. The same idiocy that drove his blood to boiling, the same that had caused him to egg her on to begin with.

His heart pounded in his ribs, as he dropped himself into a tackle, lunging forward with arms raised upfront.

Resilient bastard. Brent was quick to react, had turned away from something that would have kept any normal person down, and was quick to react. If Siena hadn't been struggling with her own breath, she might have been able to redistribute her weight in time to step back for a counter, but her body demanded [i]air[/i] before it would move like she wanted it to, and only one leg managed to step back, barely managed to twist her elbow to try and keep some distance.

It didn't work--like trying to stop a damn boulder from getting too close, even with every technique in the book to ground her. 

[i]'[color=ff57ff]Oh, shi--[/color]'[/i] She tried to reach to crank the neck up and away, force the body to listen, but her hands didn't find purchase, didn't even manage to reach [i]hair[/i] before the stomach twisting sensation of [i]falling[/i] took over. [i]Bad[/i]. Her body twisted, hit the ground with a shoulder instead of her head, but that didn't stop the impact from making her vision swing out of focus for an instant. [i]Bad...![/i] 

Down didn't mean [i]out[/i]. 

She grit her teeth, tried to swing for the side of Brent's head. Jaw, behind the ear, [i]anything[/i] that might daze the boy.

Even Brent was surprised at how far he drove her before the two of them tumbled onto the ground. Light. She was so light. Despite all her fury, despite all her technique, despite all her surprises, Siena Santana, Siena Harker, whoever she was at the moment was too...light. But the two of them were on the ground once more, bodies pressed against each other, the warmth, the heat, blazing and beating like asphalt on a summer day. There was something there. Something that didn't belong. Something that wasn't his. Something different from the dream that pulled him down that path.

Their physical differences was almost insurmountable, but she fought back regardless, and he responded regardless.

Harker was dangerous now.

Left forearm out, cutting the path of the swing short, decisively swatting it away.

Right fist clenched, a jab right to the nose.

Disorientate. Debilitate. Decimate.

Early mornings with Angelic flowed back in, drills and exercises turned to destructive force as he continued on. This wasn't DC. She wouldn't be nearly as easy as the crusher mage and their gelatinous companion.

Stars exploded in her vision, little more than blots of vibrant color that flashed in wavering stability. Eyes watering, the pinprick sensation shooting through her skull, a thousand lances that caught the back of her throat. [i]Fuckfuckfuck![/i] Siena couldn't keep herself from flinching at the impact, didn't taste copper--at least she didn't bleed. The second hit didn't jar as badly as the first, but it was more than enough for instinct to kick into gear. Logically, the fight might as well have been over. Logically, she would have drawn the parallel to countless failed attempts to escape the same scenario--[i]in case you need it[/i]--but logic couldn't win when she [i]couldn't give up[/i].

A blurred movement through the mist of pain, and Siena was in action again. 

[i]'[color=f7976a]Nullify potential attacks before you try a reversal this time.[/color]'[/i]

[i]Chest hurts.[/i]

She tried to push herself up, head turned toward the incoming jab--[i]'[color=f7976a]Makes them hit wide of the target.[/color]'[/i]--arms moving to try and wrap around. Pull the attacker close, try to remember all the moving parts to make the flip. Siena wasn't sure she could. 

[i]You're gonna have to force me.[/i]

She had to [i]try[/i]. Hook, overhook, buck and push--something seemed to give with the extra leverage. [i]It worked?[/i] It had never worked before, but the thought didn't have time to clear before a louder one screamed at the top of its lungs. [i]GET UP.[/i] She couldn't hold that position, but everything felt so heavy. The fire kept burning, but her breath was running out. [i]Shit.[/i]

Fast and fluid. A technique he had not had the pleasure of being on the other side of, executed quickly enough that Brent's mind couldn't keep up with the physics involved until their positions were reversed, Harker on top, her gray eyes a storm that was...

...weakening.

He wasn't blind. She was too light, too tired, and never, ever nourished enough for this. It had only been two days since DC, and compared to him, she had used her power much more than he had. By all accounts, Brent was more or less cheating, picking on someone so much smaller than him while they still hadn't had the chance to recover fully from a previous trial. By all accounts, winning like this would leave only a bad taste in his mouth.

But she was still burning. But he was still burning.

[color=B0C4DE]"C'mon Harker, aren't you more than this?"[/color] Her body pushing against his, he could feel it clearly, how light she was. Unfair. But he swung with all his might anyways, an unfocused, wild right hook. Blocked, but the force alone was still enough to push her off.

[color=B0C4DE]"You're more than some sheltered bitch that never got to live!"[/color]

He pushed himself up as she did, rushing forward into a bodyslam.

The floor again--she was getting sick of being down. Pushing herself to her feet was the easy part, but easy was only relative to the effort of having to move again after. Siena could feel herself slowing down, knew that she couldn't [i]afford[/i] to slow down when Brent was there, rushing at her. Taking the hit wasn't an option, she'd tried and failed once already, and that hadn't been all the weight available. 

Move.

[i]He's faster than you.[/i] No shit, but that didn't mean to stand there and take the damn hit. She felt her body try to move for any space that was open, anywhere to try and squeeze past without breaking his momentum by taking the impact. Too slow. All that managed to alleviate was the barest fraction of force. Nothing in the big picture. Her feet left the ground, again the sensation of falling, again, she steeled herself.

Another impact that was too light, too soft as he slammed into Harker, the woman tumbling onto the library floor once more. Another tinge of pity, of sympathy, squashed by the heat that burned inside, the recognition that she was still [i]alive[/i].

[color=B0C4DE]"You're more than some wallflower bookworm that never got to breathe!"[/color]

No mercy. Only push and push and push! Thundering steps brought Brent in range for a great leap, past the scattered books and toppled chairs, two feet ready to stomp down on the woman who was down, but not, definitely not, out.

[i]That will kill you.[/i]

No [i]shit[/i].

Siena felt herself rolling out of the way, moving for a recovery, making it to her feet faster than ever in the stark moment of [i]knowing[/i] how dangerously close that was. Head spinning, vision only clearing where she focused, but the Arbiter tried to let the last vestiges of adrenaline fuel the fire. [i]Burn, damn it.[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]This isn't about [i]me[/i], goddamn it![/color]" She threw another punch, couldn't focus her aim enough to trust anything smaller than center mass. 

It struck dead centre, a blow that could have been blocked, dodged, countered, but wasn't. She was burning out while he was still at full force, but even running on mere fumes, there was a weight beyond that, greater than her weight and strength.

Admirable. Shit, whoever she thought she was, Brent couldn't help but be impressed.

[color=B0C4DE]"For me, it is,"[/color] Brent replied, that razor sharp intensity in his eyes once again, [color=B0C4DE]"Doesn't matter whether you're Harker, Santana, or any other identity you've scrounged together. You're 1000% greater than them combined!"[/color]

A left straight followed, the same that crumpled her previously, filled with an unnatural ferocity and an unspoken hope.

It came again, but she didn't flinch. Moved into it, grimaced at the impact, but didn't [i]feel[/i] it quite so much. A whirlwhind, a storm, a fire--she couldn't identify it quickly enough. Only that it was overwhelming as she reached for something, [i]anything[/i] for purchase. 

"[color=ff57ff]What good is that if [i]I can't help you[/i]?![/color]" Ferocity. No, not that. Something beyond that, but she couldn't tell. Harker burned out, reduced Santana to crackling ash, left something that she couldn't recognize through the heavy breaths and the aches that reminded her over and over again with each pulse. [i]Real.[/i] 

She hadn't even flinched this time, standing there even as exhausted as she should have been after taking so much punishment. Hadn't flinched, and remained steadfast in the face of all of this.

Such bullheaded stubbornness. If he had aimed a blow to the face, she probably would have head butted his fist.

But he couldn't figure out how to answer that question. Even after laying bare the ugliest parts of themselves, it's not like they got anywhere. Just a bunch of idiots pretending to be smart while bashing their heads against each other's walls. Brent shook his head, chuckling in spite of the fact his jaw throbbed when he did. Pulling up a toppled chair, he slid it over to Siena before grabbing one of his own, plopping down.[/hider]

[color=B0C4DE]"We're both hella messed up, huh?"[/color]

If she could have been more graceful than all but collapsing into the chair, she would have, but that was too much to ask when everything hurt and all the kindling she had to offer burned itself out. If Siena could have laughed, she might have. The best she could manage was a few breaths that might have passed. [i]Fuck, that hurt.[/i] 

"[color=ff57ff]I think that might be an understatement.[/color]" A grimace as she breathed too deep and the fresh bruises screamed in protest. Shouldn't have taken so many hits, but the girl managed a restrained fascimile of a laugh on her second attempt. "[color=ff57ff]A'least we've--ow--got each other.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Hah,"[/color] Brent wheezed, a lopsided grin forming, [color=B0C4DE]"An aficionado of buddy films too?"[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]Ugh...[/color]" The laugh still hurt, the returned smile despite the words easier to manage. "[color=ff57ff]I should punch you again for that.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"And break your hand against my jaw?"[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]Ouch, consider my pride wounded,[/color]" Siena claimed while pushing her bangs out of her face, fingers catching in newly formed tangles as she did so. Her pride and about every other part of her, really. The girl pushed herself upright, the throbbing reminding her with more vigor than before. [i]Real[/i]. Something else stirred, uncomfortable and familiar, but there was no Santana to trample it underfoot. No Harker to vehemently deny it, just Siena left behind, unable to justify it. [i]You're not supposed to care.[/i] She grinned, mischief lightly coating the action like a fine powder. "[color=ff57ff]I think I can break my hand on something a little better than that.[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Don't worry,"[/color] Brent laughed, reaching for a drink that wasn't there,[color=B0C4DE] "Pretty sure you can take down any other guy with those moves. That reversal was sorta mindblowing."[/color]

He coughed a couple more times, smacking a hand against his chest to get that lump out. A 'harrumph' cleared his throat handily, right in time for him to sputter again at Siena's...joke? What? Temporarily bamboozled at how terrible of a 'joke' that was, Brent arced an eyebrow, replying, [color=B0C4DE]"What would that be? A block of gold? I'll have you know my jaw's pretty high value."[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]High value?[/color]" The brunette gave a cheeky grin before struggling to her feet. Just about every part of her found a reason to hate the action. [i]Everything tastes like ouch.[/i] Could be worse. "[color=ff57ff]You appraise that yourself or something?[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Naturally,"[/color] he stated, [color=B0C4DE]"But if you doubt my appraisal, go ahead."[/color]

"[color=ff57ff]Inviting a rich girl for appraisal...awfully confident.[/color]" Still, it wasn't as if there wasn't something to be gained from it. Carefully, with the same delicacy she would have approached a book on the verge of crumbling to dust, the girl reached toward his right side, where she'd initially struck. A cautious, featherlight touch where she remembered knuckles meeting flesh, eyes trained more for signs that it would bruise than any actual judgement. 

[i]'[color=ff57ff]Well, it's sturdy.[/color]'[/i] Even if her punch had landed just a bit wide of real impact, it didn't seem like it had taken any exceptional damage. Surprising. 

[i]Not exactly the most striking feature there though, right?[/i] Hard to compare something as mundane as a jawline to a striking eye color--or maybe it was the look? She didn't quite know. Only knew that she hid her own because she didn't like when others could see that her eyes weren't the ones watching. 

"[color=ff57ff]Well, I guess a bruise is supposed to be manly.[/color]"

Wait, was she actu-

[color=B0C4DE]"Doesn't that mean you're manlier than me now?" [/color]he teased, burying surprise and embarrassment with wit, [color=B0C4DE]"Bet there's gonna be a whole tapestry in the morning. Still..."[/color]

His gaze left hers, sweeping across the library that had been trashed during their little tussle.

[color=B0C4DE]"...how's that honesty thing feel?"[/color]

Satisfied with what little evaluation she could make on the most visible injury, Siena withdrew her hand as her attention followed where Brent's had gone. It was quite a mess to clean up.

"[color=ff57ff]Like getting punched. A lot.[/color]" A little more literal than most answers, but it certainly wasn't [i]wrong[/i]. "[color=ff57ff]Surprisingly, not that bad.[/color]"

A pause as she lightly scratched her cheek with one hand, taking in the overturned furniture and scattered books. 

"[color=ff57ff]It does cause a bit of a mess though...[/color]"

[color=B0C4DE]"Might be an understatement here,"[/color] he chuckled, [color=B0C4DE]"But sounds about right."[/color]

A pause. A recollection. What was he here for again? Right, confirmation.

[color=B0C4DE]"Can I trust you, 'ena?"[/color]

Trusting her. It sounded so foreign to her ears, sounded strange to even consider. Santana, Harker, whatever remnant they left behind when both were burned away.

But it had remained, a fearless confirmation beyond the doubts she'd carried. [i]What good is that if I can't help you?[/i] It had remained after everything else had been reduced to ash. 

She turned her gaze back to Brent, grey eyes settling on the boy. Grey eyes. [i]Her[/i] eyes.

"[color=ff57ff]Yeah, you can.[/color]"[/hider]
[hider=Sacrifice][center]
[h1]Sacrifice[/h1]

[img]http://i.imgur.com/XZCyPaz.png[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/EqVwCQa.png[/img]

[h2][color=33ec06]Marcus Howell[/color] | [color=ff57ff]Siena Santana[/color][/h2]
[img]http:// i.imgur.com/3R5vYYi.png?2[/img] 
[color=silver]𝕊𝕖𝕡𝕥. 𝟚𝟚 // 𝔹𝕒𝕝𝕕 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕀𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕 // ℤ𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘'𝕤 𝔼𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕖 // ~𝟚𝟙𝟘𝟘[/color]
[sub]Collab with...[@Chasers115][/sub][/center]

[i][color=f7976a]Call me. Now.[/color][/i]

Siena had debated on the message for hours after replacing the battery in her phone, her mind a tempest that threatened to drown her. The words didn't bring comfort, nor did they really elicit a reaction that Siena knew how to categorize. She knew better than to ignore the message though, knew better than to let it sit for as long as it already had. Knew better than to keep the sender waiting. The girl brushed her hair out of her eyes, stared at her phone for a moment longer. She had to call him, said the part of her that knew she'd delayed for long enough. It had been days since the message was sent, and who knew how many hours since she'd seen it. Settling at the entrance of her room, Siena wondered briefly if she should find somewhere more isolated, but she sincerely doubted that anywhere was going to be much safer. 

At least with the door open just a crack, there would be a quick way out to find somewhere, [i]anywhere[/i], to get away if she had to. 

Her fingers tapped the call icon and listened to the rings, each one making a vice grow tighter around her chest until she felt like she might suffocate from the pressure. She wanted to cancel the call, to [i]hang up[/i] before anyone could answer, but she waited, as though frozen in place. She felt her breath come short, and she held it when one ring was finally cut short. [i]Please.[/i]

The plea was not answered. 

"[color=f7976a]Siena.[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]You...you asked me to call...?[/color]"

"[color=f7976a]I see you've made some appearances on the news.[/color]" The deep voice was cool and calm. Something familiar and altogether unsettling fell over her shoulders like a heavy drape. This wasn't the voice she knew. This wasn't what she was used to hearing. Siena felt her breath catch in her throat for an instant as she took a soft breath, hopefully quiet enough so that it wouldn't be noticed. "[color=f7976a]Quite the show, diving through a building. What was it they called you? Sylph?[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]I...yes, sir.[/color]" She still didn't know how to react. 

"[color=f7976a]Don't do anything that pathetic again. Subnatural or not, you're a Santana.[/color]" Siena flinched at the words. Subnatural and Santana. Not Siena. "[color=f7976a]But I suppose I have to applaud you for finding a use for yourself.[/color]"

Something was wrong here. The image that settled in her head and the voice that was speaking in her ear didn't coincide despite coming from the same person. Siena furrowed her brow, felt heat rising through her chest, up to her throat until she didn't trust herself to speak. Something didn't match up, and she wasn't sure which memory was [i]wrong[/i]. Siena didn't know if she wanted to know, but something scalded her like heated metal up against her neck when she considered trying to find out. There was one she [i]wanted[/i] to be right, and if it was wrong...

"[color=ff57ff]A use...?[/color]" Barely audible, but Siena didn't have herself falter. "[color=ff57ff]What is that supposed to mean?[/color]"

"[color=f7976a]You're a subnatural. A leg in the door, so to speak.[/color]" As though he could sense the impending question, the man continued speaking, allowing no time for Siena to recover from the statement. A leg in the door? "[color=f7976a]Prove yourself useful on the field. If [i]you[/i] can make a name for yourself, we'll benefit from it too.[/color]"

It stung deep, but she knew the answer.

"[color=ff57ff]I understand.[/color]" A pause as she hesitated. "[color=ff57ff]Papa...?[/color]"

"[color=f7976a]Siena.[/color]" Unforgiving. She was wrong. 

"[color=ff57ff]...father. Forgive me.[/color]" With a single word, the memories fell back into place, the hazy ones of a father that cared slipping through her fingers, no longer a reality that she clung to, but a memory that was [i]wrong[/i] again. Like Emily--[i]was that even the name that the sister had taken? Or was it Elizabeth? Emma? Elaine?[/i]--was just an event to fit the emotions she could no longer discern. Hers? A mark's? Did she really think it mattered? "[color=ff57ff]You were hoping to have a subnatural in your family?[/color]"

"[color=f7976a]Not exactly, but having a monster in the bloodline will do wonders for the Santanas.[/color]" 

"[color=ff57ff]I-I...I see. It would...be a strong move. You don't need to publically accept a subnatural, but you can still demonstrate control over it.[/color]" The rationality was blindingly obvious. It hurt her less than it should have. "[color=ff57ff]If you can control a monstrosity that [i]looks[/i] human, then people will flock to your company in droves.[/color]"

That was the line that caused Marcus to stop in his tracks. There were a few things nowadays that immediately caught his attention when they were said, if only for his own self-preservation. The words 'subnatural' and 'control' utilized in the same sentance was one of those triggers, irregardless of the speaker. It was a sad truth, but after everything that had happened in D.C, Marcus was running a little low on trust...for anybody.

The plaque that shown on the door was a name he wished had been any other; Siena. The girl who he'd betrayed back in the ruins, sending her into a full-fledged meltdown because it had been what he thought was [i]right[/i]. He felt guilt, and he felt remorse, but none of that had changed his justification - a theme that hung over the incident as a whole.

He didn't know her resources. He didn't know her background. Only that she was rich and not super willing to talk about it. He certainly didn't know how much he could trust her, or how much she trusted him.

And, as he waited outside the door listening intently, he learned that she probably trusted him too much.

"[color=f7976a]Good,[/color]" said the head of the Santana family. Siena could practically see the sickly sweet smile spread over his face, though the features were starkly out of place on the image she created in her head. Features she didn't quite know how to age, or maybe it was the rest that she hadn't aged properly. "[color=f7976a]So Maya [i]did[/i] manage to teach you something.[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]But I belong to USARILN now. I--[/color]"

"[color=f7976a]Surrendered yourself, correct? I heard from Maya. Needless to say, if the public asks, we will tell them it was at our command.[/color]" Another spire in her chest. She couldn't breathe. It was not merely a statement, it was a demand. One that Siena couldn't bring herself to turn down despite everything saying that she should. "[color=f7976a]Do good work out there, Siena. There may be a use for you yet.[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]Yes, father.[/color]" 

Marcus's heart twisted in his stomach. The forceful tone and wording, as if someone was talking to a [i]pet[/i]. That much made him angry enough to want to kick the door down, and tell the man on the other end exactly where he could shove his commands. Even if they weren't on speaking (or even trusting) terms, he still cared about his classmates. If there was one thing he'd proven in D.C, it was that he wasn't afraid to defend them.

Siena's reply twisted his emotions completely. Rage simmered down to cloying pity so fast, it nearly left Marcus in a state of perplexed confusion. 'Father'. Someone who was supposed to be a role model - a hero. To be such a...[i]scummy prick[/i]. He was physically [i]sad[/i] for the poor girl.

"[color=f7976a]Oh, and...do [i]try[/i] to be a little more dignified if you're going to be caught on camera. Your mother was sorely disappointed in your appearance.[/color]" Siena flinched at the mention of her mother. Were those more memories that didn't align properly? She remembered two versions of her mother. One that was warm, like the image she'd created of her father, and one that was...cold. Relentless. Part of the mage wondered if they were simply the same person with different masks on, but everything was unstable. She was too afraid to push further, too afraid to lose what little footing she could still muster. 

"[color=ff57ff]Father...?[/color]" A silence that begged the completion of the sentence. She wasn't worth the words. "[color=ff57ff]How did you get my contact information?[/color]"

"[color=f7976a]Simple.[/color]" She could imagine that predatory smile again, like a cat toying with its prey. "[color=f7976a]I only had to ask that cur you call a butler for it.[/color]"

No. No, that was a [i]lie[/i]. Siena felt her heart sieze, as though it had forgotten how to beat. Gerwulf? An icy feeling pierced through her, a thousand needles that made her nerves sing with devastation. A sharp, cutting agony that she couldn't recognize as anything but betrayal. She'd felt it plenty of times in the past few days...and her father, someone whose mastery of people ran well beyond what Maya was capable of, knew in an instant. 

"[color=f7976a]Don't forget, he was there because I had him placed there.[/color]" Right...it was so easy to forget when both Maya and Gerwulf had been constant presences in her life. The only ones she could really speak of. "[color=f7976a]And he knows that while you may not be expendable yet, he certainly is.[/color]" A pause to let everything sink in, to permeate Siena's mind with doubts. "[color=f7976a]Good night, Siena.[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]Good night, fa--![/color]"

He didn't wait for a response before he hung up, and Siena slowly brought the phone away from her face, staring at a message screen devoid of anything but a single order and a call notification. Her fingers hovered over the buttons that would take her from that conversation to another. One where she could get [i]answers[/i] and...

...she needed air.

Quietly, Siena dragged herself from her position, the shift not significant given her decision to linger near the door. A few strides, a quick motion to open the door, and--

[i]'[color=ff57ff]Wh-What?[/color]'[/i] 

Someone was at her door, [i]someone was at her door[/i]! Alarms raised as Siena took an attempt at a half step back, her vision seeking anything recognizeable. It took a moment for the features to match to a face. "[color=ff57ff]Marcus?![/color]" That was certainly him looking equally startled, like he might bolt at any second. How long had he been standing there? Grey eyes narrowed, darted from her phone and back to the boy. "[color=ff57ff]What are you...?[/color]"

"[color 33ec06]Si-Siena![/color]" Marcus stammered with surprised, one million volts of panic having immediately surged to his heart when the door swung open. "[color 33ec06]I-I-I was just...exploring the place! Big place! Lots of things around![/color]"

Marcus was a very bad liar when he was startled.

"[color 33ec06]And...I...wanted to come check up on you! See how you were settling in right now! Because, hey; this must be like home to you![/color]"

Oh no. Oh shit. Bad topic. Literally anything but that.

[i][color 33ec06]WHY ARE YOU SO DUUUUUMMMB!?[/color][/i].

About nine different red flags rose while twelve different alarms started going off in Siena's head. Marcus was lying--why? And he'd been outside her door, and why was he so startled about--

[i]Like home...?[/i]

Siena couldn't hold back the flinch, recoiling faintly away from Marcus, her feet taking her a few inches back. Home. It was to some extent, but it wasn't the home that she wanted to remember. It was filled with servants, filled with [i]people[/i], and run by an absent authority. Like the home that she was reminded of. The brunette found herself at a loss for words briefly. 

"[color=ff57ff]S-sort of...[/color]" Her voice came out weak, barely above a whisper, and Siena could hardly believe it was coming from her mouth. She tried to correct it with the next phrase, then cursed herself when the words trembled, as though on the brink of breaking. "[color=ff57ff]It's familiar.[/color]"

"[color 33ec06]Shit- no...Siena...[/color]" Marcus said, his body forcing him a half step closer to her as she recoiled. "[color 33ec06]I...I-[/color]" he searched for the words, but there was nothing to find. Nothing in his repitoire to help this situation. His role as Morale Guardian had been completely blown out the water around the time he'd gotten Savannah killed, and now there was nothing to take it's place.

"[color 33ec06]I-I'm sorry...[/color]" he said faintly.

Why was he apologizing? The question was rhetorical because she knew. He'd heard something, maybe everything. She didn't know. Her eyes shot up at the close proximity, memories of having her phone in hand one moment and the screen going dark the next bearing down like a landslide. Despite her best efforts, the brunette felt herself instinctively trying to step back. She didn't manage to stop herself before the first inch, her position steadying itself after a moment. 

"[color=ff57ff]How....how much did you hear?[/color]" The mask didn't even have a chance to form, grey eyes only meeting her roommate's gaze for an instant before immediately darting away for [i]anythig[/i] else to focus on. 

"[color 33ec06]I-I didn't hear anything. I only just got to your door.[/color]" Marcus stammered after a slight pause.

"[color=ff57ff]You're really not a very good liar, Marcus.[/color]" Words that lacked any real intonation. As if she as stating a fact , reciting it from a book of observations. She didn't make a move to look the boy in the eye. "[color=ff57ff]So please don't lie about this.[/color]"

Marcus sighed. He knew that. Yet, he still attempted to do it as if he'd eventually find someone dumb enough to take everything he said at face value. 

"[color 33ec06]Something about controlling a subnatural. But I didn't even know it was you and I was just worried that Zhang or someone was plotting behind closed doors...[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]Oh.[/color]" Somehow, the word felt hollow. "[color=ff57ff]It's...[/color]" Siena hesitated. The brunette felt her hand going to her arm, nails digging into the skin, scarlet marks blooming underneath. "It's not like that." That was a total lie, and even she couldn't deny the words that had come out of her mouth. "[color=ff57ff]...complicated.[/color]" She didn't know if she could set the mask this time, so Siena didn't bother. Only kept her eyes turned down, away. Did he know who she was talking to? Of course he did, that was what caused the reaction to begin with. 

"[color=ff57ff]Or maybe it's not. I don't know.[/color]"

"[color 33ec06]I gathered...[/color]" Marcus said bluntly, sheepishly rubbing the back of his head. He desperately wanted to just leave, and his eyes dared to glance up at Siena for a brief second. A quick scan to see if there was anything in her face that said he could make his excuses and run off now, rather than sitting here like an animal caught in a trap.

The glance, Siena didn't notice for a moment. Not until she adjusted her gaze, to see what there was to read, only to see he was doing the same thing. A defensive instinct reared its head, and Siena immediately tore her eyes away, set her features into a neutral expression to hide what she wanted read despite knowing it was probably too late. It would have been easier to let him go. Let him pretend that nothing was wrong, that he hadn't heard anything. 

But again the cold, sharp edge of betrayal bit into her flesh, this time eliciting a thorny self-defense mechanism. 

"[color=ff57ff]Don't...don't tell anyone.[/color]" Just enough pain in her voice to elicit the image of a vulnerable girl. "[color=ff57ff]About this. About what happened back at DC.[/color]"

'What happened back at DC'. There were plenty of things that had happened back at DC, most of which he desperately hoped he never have to tell anybody. If he was telling people about some of the things that happened it wouldn't be a story; it'd be a confession. Of course, he knew exactly what it was she was referring to: the breakdown. Her apparent weakness being loss of material. 

As much as he wanted to say that she needed to talk to somebody about that, he knew it was only hypocracy. Why should he pressure other people to fix their flaws and staunchly refuse to fix his own? Flaws and fears that had done more than leave him hyperventilating on the ground.

His eyes dared to search her face one more time, to judge how much damage he'd done. "[color 33ec06]Of course.[/color]"

[i][color=f7976a]Eyes up, Siena.[/color][/i]

She did so, caught the observant gaze, made [i]sure[/i] that Marcus caught the motion, and quickly constructed the layers necessary. First, a flash of hurt--not pain. [i]Hurt[/i]. Hurt was harder to justify. Hurt was harder to shrug off. Hurt meant that there was someone to [i]blame[/i]. It didn't smooth out like she usually forced it to, instead leaving its mark behind on the next mask, the one that she made obvious was exactly that. A mask. A moment where she hesitated, made sure that said hesitation was broadcast. 

[i]But maybe her observations were wrong.[/i]

No. She doubted it. 

One hand on the door, a quiet gaze sent to her phone. A perfectly painted look of conflict, as though contemplating on whether she'd made the right choice. Whether she [i]should[/i] close the door--a faint motion, as though she was going to. A pause as she stopped. Another flash of uncertainty. The message Siena created should have been clear:

[i]I don't know who to talk to.[/i]

Except she did, and she knew where this road would lead, but the hurt and betrayals had cut too deep, and all she wanted was for someone to get it, for someone to feel the same way she did, even if it was for just a second...or maybe it was just some petty feeling of wanting to lash out. To hurt someone because she had been hurt.

Just like a damn animal. 

"[color=ff57ff]Um...th...anks...[/color]"

A lot. A lot of damage had been done. As many times as he played the scene over in his head, he always came back to the same statement: he sent Siena - the one person on this whole team who seemed like had some semblance of 'having it together', into a full-blown panic attack. He'd used his power on someone he cared about for [i]offensive[/i] purposes, even if he was trying to keep them from hurting themselves.

He didn't know Siena at all. He didn't know her thought process or her ideas, or anything she had ever been through - and he made a decision based on what he thought he knew.

And here she was, in the aftermath of it all. Hurt. Betrayed. Probably even more after the discussion with her father. And he'd done nothing to make it better. If anything he'd made it worse.

The least he could do was offer a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on.

"[color 33ec06]Siena...do you want to talk? Maybe clear your head a little?[/color]" he asked, prefacing the sentance with an inward sigh.

So she wasn't wrong. Something between shame and satisfaction rose, but Siena smothered it behind a seamless act. Be vulnerable, be timid, be [i]exactly[/i] what he expected to see. [i]This isn't fair to him.[/i] The thought was formed with absolute clarity, and Siena didn't deny it. This [i]wasn't[/i] fair. 

"[color=ff57ff]I...[/color]" Show the perfect amount of hesitation. The perfect amount of uncertainty. She could practically hear Maya's voice murmuring in her ear, the woman's hands gently prodding her along the path. "[color=ff57ff]...don't know.[/color]" Breathe, hold the breath. Look away. He'd heard something from her father, so this would be easier to sell. [i]You sound like Maya.[/i] A twinge of guilt that she genuinely felt, but didn't let show.  "[color=ff57ff]I never really...um...[/color]" Let him finish the thought, chided the soft voice in her head. So she did. Glanced away like she was lost. 

"[color 33ec06]Never really talked about this kind of stuff?[/color]" Marcus said, filling in what he believed was the hanging end to Siena's statement. "[color 33ec06]That's fine - say as much or as little as you need to. Just to get it off your chest.[/color]"

[color=f7976a][i]Careful how you step now, Siena.[/i][/color] The voice was little more than a whisper, but it was enough. The brunette bit her lip for a moment, as though trying to figure out exactly [i]how[/i] to start. A cruel, bitter part of her wondered exactly how much truth she could give before one or the other would break. It was a mild, warm curiosity that only helped to bolster her resolve. [color=f7976a][i]Such a temper. You really should work on that.[/i][/color] A careful, deep breath that she restrained only to make it seem as though she was trying to hide it prefaced the next words. 

"[color=ff57ff]It's not...I don't...[/color]" She paired the words with an expression that wasn't entirely fabricated, lost and confused. She bit her lip again, furrowed her brow as though trying with more effort than it should have taken to word the next claims. The words came slowly, deliberately, as though she had to carefully select them from a mass of other ones. "[color=ff57ff]I wouldn't know where to start.[/color]" 

"[color 33ec06]Just start from the beginning of whichever part is on your mind. Or start from the part you're the most comfortable talking about.[/color]" Marcus said, trying to make his voice sound as reassuring as possible, despite the slight shake that plagued his words.

She should have felt worse. 

"[color=ff57ff]...a-alright...[/color]" Siena hesitated, her eyes still turned to the floor. A moment of silence before the mage took a breath, as though to steel herself. It was necessary, she knew. Not only to sell the part, but also to [i]tell the truth.[/i] She felt another throb of guilt, but convinced herself it was just a means to an end. "[color=ff57ff]Um...I guess you'd probably find out eventually from Emma anyways.[/color]" Words that marked she was stalling. Words that she didn't believe because she didn't doubt that Emma would have made some excuse unless--well...perhaps she wouldn't have bothered at that point. "[color=ff57ff]I um...back at the--I mean...[/color]" 

Another deep breath, another look of uncertainty, and then words spoken quietly with an averted gaze. 

"[color=ff57ff]I guess it's easier to start by explaining wh-what--[/color]" She corrected herself. Quieted her voice more. "[color=ff57ff]Sorry. [i]Why[/i].[/color]"

Marcus stood silently, awaiting the rest of Siena's speech. The back of his mind noted the mention of Emma, and how she'd apparently known...something? Did she know about Siena's panic attacks too? Why wouldn't she have mentioned something as mission critical as that if she did know abou-

Well, the answer was obvious. She made the same promise he did.

He was listening. Good.

[i]Isn't this a bit cruel?[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]...um...[/color]" Another breath, this one followed by a soft curse as though she didn't know exactly [i]what[/i] she was going to say. "[color=ff57ff]When I...um...[/color]" The realization settled in too late. She [i]didn't[/i] really know how to explain. To Emma, it had been easy. Why she didn't want to be around others [i]after[/i] the fact, but that wasn't the same thing. "[color=ff57ff]Actually, that's not a good way to start.[/color]" 

A pause as she regathered her thoughts. 

"[color=ff57ff]Right, so um...I guess just...for a second, just try and remember the most extreme emotions you've ever felt. A few of them. Doesn't matter which ones.[/color]" Her fingers tightened around her phone for an instant, as though it was a security blanket--Siena didn't entirely notice the action. "[color=ff57ff]What caused them, what they did to your perception, anything and everything you can about them.[/color]"

Marcus shifted uncomfortably, the feeling of an old wound seemingly throbbing, just to remind him it was there as Siena spoke. He was familiar with [i]extreme[/i] emotions, and as much as she was trying to get him to think about them, he had always been trying to repress them. He remembered, he would always remember, but it wasn't any easier when they were brought up.

That was the lesson, then, wasn't it?

"[color 33ec06]A-alright.[/color]" he said, hesitiation in his voice.

Cruel. Siena couldn't deny that what she was doing was anything but cruel, but there was a small, bitter part of her that didn't seem to care. Worse, it pushed her forward, whispered that it was [i]necessary[/i] if she wanted to protect herself. That if she didn't want a repeat of the situation, then she had to make them [i]understand[/i], or at least make them hurt. 

But it was still cruel. 

"[color=ff57ff]Now imagine feeling most of them at the same time. For all those reasons.[/color]" The Arbiter lowered her voice, as though it was the easiest way to keep it steady enough to be heard. She waited for a moment, to let Marcus attempt--or maybe he wouldn't, it didn't entirely matter--to do as she had asked. Waited a moment longer after, as though to convince herself that she could spit the rest of the words out. "[color=ff57ff]I feel like that [i]every[/i] time I use my power.[/color]" Not entirely true. She'd discovered already that she could cut the time in return for stability, but when in the heat of the moment, when losing a name a fraction of a second too early could mean certain doom, Siena hadn't been able to justify it.

There was a moment of pause, clearly meant for him to try imagining the hellscape she'd laid before him. He wasn't going to do it, obviously - he'd already done it more times than he was comfortable with. Still, he sat there, following along intently as she spoke. A look of mild horror and slight concern crossed his face as she described the harsh price of her power, followed quickly by a slight hint of confusion.

"[color 33ec06]Wait...aren't you...[/color]" he said, his voice soft and cut off abruptly.

[i][color 33ec06]An arbiter?[/color][/i]

That would have been the ending to that sentance if he'd let it finish. They were arbiters, they didn't have a price to pay for their powers; not as far as he was aware at least. Apparently, he wasn't aware of a whole lot.

"[color 33ec06]I'm...I'm sorry Siena. That's [i]awful[/i][/color]"

A parade of emotions flickered across Marcus's face, and Siena felt a small whisper of satisfaction spark to life then dim out in the sea. She could tell without having to dig what the rest of the question would have been. An Arbiter. A white mark. A subnatural that didn't [i]pay[/i] to have an ability. He was right on two counts, at least. She glanced away. 

"[color=ff57ff]When I focus on something else, it's not.[/color]" There was no real accusation, nothing that was meant to put up a guard, but she kept her gaze elsewhere. "[color=ff57ff]But that only lasts as long as there's something for me to focus on.[/color]"

"[color 33ec06]Ah.[/color]" A sound of understanding. That was the part where he had goofed. "[color 33ec06]Your phone.[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]Sort of. It...helps.[/color]" Not just the phone. [i]Doing[/i] things was what kept her moving forward, and she couldn't do much without her phone. [i]Not the point, Siena.[/i] She refocused herself, stared at her phone. "[color=ff57ff]Anything with words helps.[/color]"

"[color 33ec06]And you didn't exactly have anything else in that barren wasteland of rubble, did you?[/color]" he added, putting together the pieces. "[color 33ec06]So that's what triggered...[/color]" He stopped himself for a second, trying to find a more...[i]delicate[/i] way of phrasing things.

"[color 33ec06]So that's why you were upset when I took the battery. I get it.[/color]"

Hesitation, then a quiet, hurt look. Siena took a quiet breath. She'd said it back at the building. It was exactly the last kick she needed. 

"[color=ff57ff]Part of it.[/color]" Grey eyes lingered for a moment longer on the phone before finally turning to Marcus, this time settling instead of turning away. "[color=ff57ff]I said it back at the building, and I...[/color]" Hesitation. She visibly braced herself, made herself seem like she was steeling herself before releasing a quiet sigh. "[color=ff57ff]Not having a source when I'm out there, out [i]anywhere[/i], is like sending someone into a busy street with a blindfold.[/color]" 

A pause. [i]Don't look away.[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]So, no, I don't think you really get it.[/color]"

The sudden shift in tone nearly made the hairs on the back of Marcus's neck stand up, and his body tensed slightly at the open hostility. Or at least, a statement Marcus interpreted as open hostility. Not to say he didn't deserve it after all - he had earned everything that was coming his way, and probably a fair bit more.

"[color 33ec06]Okay. So maybe I don't [i]get it[/i], exactly. But I'm sorry. I didn't realize that it would have that kind of effect, and...I was just worried you were going to hurt yourself. I made a bad call, and I apologize.[/color]"

[i]You chose to do this. You knew where it would lead.[/i]

She knew. 

"[color=ff57ff]You know, honestly, that probably won't be the last time [i]that[/i] happens. I'll get better from a panic attack. I'll probably feel worse ones just using my power.[/color]" Her gaze didn't falter, but didn't rise to look Marcus in the eye. Still couldn't help but want to keep her own eyes hidden because she couldn't fake the color. "[color=ff57ff]But we had a job to do. You [i]know[/i] what I'm capable of, you [i]knew[/i]. Anything, as long as I had a source, and you really think you were worried I was going to hurt myself?[/color]" [i]Whoa there, Harker. Down...dial it back a notch.[/i] "[color=ff57ff]I didn't warn you about my issues, that's on me, but I...[/color]"

Frustrated, tired, still hurt. 

"[color=ff57ff]I figured you, of everyone there, would have known that I spent my entire life not being trusted to do anything on my own. I told you I had a plan, and you didn't trust that I did.[/color]" She kept her gaze, couldn't let herself falter. Siena didn't have to say out loud how deep it cut, how much more than a simple betrayal it was if he had heard more than he claimed. "[color=ff57ff]I could have helped someone else. That was what we were [i]supposed[/i] to do.[/color]" Too much emotion in the word, Siena scolded herself. That was too personal for her own shortcomings. [i]Pull back.[/i] Taking a breath to calm herself, Siena allowed herself, at long last, to tear her gaze away before giving a resigned sigh.

"[color=ff57ff]But you know what? Maybe you were right. I guess I [i]can't[/i] be trusted.[/color]" One more push. "[color=ff57ff]Haven't made myself useful enough to be yet.[/color]"

Marcus winced slightly, as if the words had lashed themselves across his back as they came out of Siena's mouth. It wasn't that he didn't trust her...it was that...well, maybe it was that he didn't trust her. He didn't trust her to not get herself killed by accident, or even on purpose. That was the whole crux of the issue.

"[color 33ec06]Siena...[/color]" Marcus started, his voice almost pleading as he tried to worm out an explanation. "[color=33ec06]...you had said it yourself, you were fine with hurting yourself, you lost the teleporter faster than you thought you would, it's just one more subnatural that happened to die in the process. Nobody would care.'[/color]"

He tried to give her a stern look in his counter-argument, but he caught her eyes and immediately dropped his own.

[i]You knew where it would lead.[/i] 

[i]guiltblameregrethurtbreakcry[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]None of those statements were wrong.[/color]" And they were true, unlike most of what Siena presented, but she kept that silent. "[color=ff57ff]I'm not afraid of getting hurt, I'm [i]fine[/i] with hurting myself.[/color]" Beause pain grounded her when it was physical. Took her away from the blended mess of everyone and everything else. She didn't let those words come. They weren't necessary. "[color=ff57ff]And I [i]would[/i] have been just one more subnatural. Nobody would miss me, nobody would care. That's just what happens when you're a subnatural.[/color]"

Well, someone might have cared enough to celebrate, but that was beside the point. 

"[color=ff57ff]If I make a bad call and get myself hurt, then it's just me. A subnatural that happens to be cuffed and at work, nothing out of the usual.[/color]" A pause. "[color=ff57ff]But when [i]you[/i] make a bad call, Marcus, when you end up hurting your teammates, or when you get regulars hurt or killed, that's a different story. You don't get to stand for just yourself anymore, you lost that privilege when you became Time Scar.[/color]" [i]When you became our face.[/i] Again, she told herself to step back from the mounting emotions. Calm down, little Harker. "[color=ff57ff]And it sucks, but unless someone else can step in and fill that spot, you're the one that has to know who's a better sacrifice: a subnatural that can and [i]has[/i] hurt people, or a family of four in a crumbling building.[/color]"

A pause as she glanced away, the fire in her chest dimming, a light of remorse and guilt cutting through her moment of bravery. 

"[color=ff57ff]Even if that means you don't get to feel human anymore.[/color]"

He stayed silent. Let the words crash over him like waves of boiling water. Already his mind was whirring in defense, trying to think of something to aid him in this battle of wits.

He might have chuckled there, at that thought. Arguing with Siena certainly felt like a battle. A battle that he was losing, if the way he felt was any indication. Still, he opened his mouth again to defend himself, despite the tidal wave of backlash and remorse he knew that would bring crashing down on his head.

"[color 33ec06]First of all...[/color]" he started quietly, clearing his throat and starting again, a little more forceful this time. "[color 33ec06]First of all, none of us are [i]just[/i] subnaturals. We're classmates. Teammates. Most of us are friends.[/color]" those words came out of his mouth like a jagged edge. He wasn't sure where he sat on Siena's friendship scale anymore, but he tried to think the best.

"[color 33ec06]And yes. I'm Time Scar. The face of the operation. Apparently. I have to keep [i]everyone's[/i] best interests at heart. And I know who the better sacrifice is, between a subnatural or a random family of four regulars.[/color]"

His voice was slightly more firm now. Not shouting, but resolute in his speech.

"[color 33ec06]And yes, that makes me feel like less of a human.[/color]"

He paused again, swallowing his fervor and returning to his calmer voice.

"[color 33ec06]I made a bad call. I never said I made the [i]wrong[/i] call.[/color]"

[i]'[color=ff57ff]There, that's what you needed. That's enough,[/color]'[/i] thought the voice that knew it was for the better. It was the one that drove her forward--[i]plenty of monsters can play at being human[/i]--when she knew how the road would end. But Siena knew better than to let show that she'd gotten what she wanted from the exchange.

[i]Wouldn't father be proud? How easily she could turn someone in her hands?[/i]

Classmates. Teammates. Friends. Somehow she didn't feel like the words sank in like they were supposed to. 

[i][b]That[/b] is what he would have been proud of.[/i]

She steeled herself internally, knew where this road would lead. Knew that she probably wouldn't be able to regain what she was sacrificing, but that was...that was [i]fine[/i]. 

"[color=ff57ff]You're free to hold that belief.[/color]" Her voice was quiet. Too quiet. [i]Where are you now?[/i] "[color=ff57ff]And maybe you're right. We are classmates, we are teammates, but we are still subnaturals.[/color]" Would she regret it? Undoubtedly. "[color=ff57ff]So you can tell yourself that we aren't [i]just[/i] subnaturals. That's fine. You can believe whatever call you want as the [i]right[/i] one. I can't stop you from thinking that. Hell, I would [i]love[/i] to believe that too.[/color]" 

[i]Stronger. You can't back down right now.[/i]

"[color=ff57ff]But the next time you have to choose between [i]me[/i] and a regular, you choose the regular.[/color]" It wasn't a request. She willed herself to make it more than that. "[color=ff57ff]At least then, it's a choice between a monster and a person.[/color]" It hurt to say out loud, but Siena covered the pain. She'd have plenty of time to regret it later, when it was too late to change anything. A pause. 

"[color=ff57ff]Right now, you're just an operation face, but if what we've been doing becomes what we [i]will[/i] be doing, you...[/color]" Hesitation. A soft breath, a quiet, resigned sigh. "[color=ff57ff]You won't be Marcus, the subnatural or Time Scar, the poster child. You'll be a movement more than a man, and what choices you make won't just be for a team.[/color]" A fate worse than that of a monster's, but Siena didn't voice that opinion. "[color=ff57ff]So if a sacrifice needs to be made, at least you can pick the one that won't fit with the rest of that movement.[/color]"

[color 33ec06]Siena...I...[/color]"

Another long pause. He knew what he wanted to say, but he had no way of saying that would paint him as the good person in this situation. Why was he even hesitating? He'd shown that he was more than willing to be the bad guy, especially when it had proven to be more effective than asking nicely. Where kind words and relief efforts had failed, a gunshot and an armored semi-truck had prevailed. Those had been his choices.

"[color 33ec06]Do you wonder why Zhang keeps people like Sander around?[/color]" he finally asked, not waiting for a reply. "[color 33ec06]If you're asking me to make choices with zero emotional attachments, to destroy a monster in favor of a person...a monster who is [i]trying their damnedest[/i] to help. I'm still going to choose the monster.[/color]"

"[color 33ec06]DC has taught us that monsters are stronger than men. USARILN has taught us that when a piece doesn't fit, you use it in a different puzzle. So no; I can't make that promise.[/color]"

"[color=ff57ff]Then you are severely underestimating the type of monster I can be.[/color]" A hollow feeling that wrenched at her, tore at something she thought she could remove more easily. "[color=ff57ff]And for what little it's worth, I am grateful that you are still human enough to hold those beliefs.[/color]" At least close enough to human. [i]Plenty of humans are monstrous.[/i] "[color=ff57ff]But I'm not looking for a promise. I'm not making a [i]request[/i].[/color]" She watched him now, tired, but still standing. "[color=ff57ff]I am telling you to make that sacrifice if the need comes, because if you [i]won't[/i], then I assure you, I will make sure that someone else [i]will[/i], and I'm certain that the world won't think twice about accepting it as a small price to pay.[/color]"

Silence again. A weary resignation that seemed to cross Marcus's face, and then transform into some other amalgamation of emotions. Anger? Sadness? Displeasure? They all seemed to cycle at least once, before Marcus finally spoke.

"[color 33ec06]Let's hope that the need never presents itself then, shall we?[/color]"

[i]You knew where this would lead.[/i]

But it was so hard to make a friend, Siena couldn't help but feel pain for forcing herself to lose one. 

"[color=ff57ff]...hopefully we do enough good that this conversation will have been pointless.[/color]" And for a moment, Siena felt how [i]tired[/i] she really was. Felt it press down on her shoulders, cut across her features. This was the choice she made...wasn't it? A sacrifice that [i]she[/i] had decided to make, and not some desperate child trying to live up to being a Santana. 

...wasn't it?[/hider]