[center][h1]Doctor's Orders[/h1]


[img]http://i.imgur.com/n1b6iEd.png[/img]     [img]http://i.imgur.com/XZCyPaz.png[/img]
[h2][color 00ffbb]  Lawrence[/color]  |  [color 33ec06]Marcus[/color][/h2]

[color=9e0039][img]http://i.imgur.com/3R5vYYi.png?2[/img][hr][color=silver]𝔽𝕣𝕚: 𝕆𝕔𝕥. 𝟙, 𝟚𝟘𝟚𝟘   / /   𝔹𝕒𝕝𝕕 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕 𝕀𝕤𝕝𝕒𝕟𝕕   / /   ℤ𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘'𝕤 𝔼𝕤𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕖   / /  ~𝟚𝟘𝟘𝟘[/color][hr][/color]
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[hider Doctor's Orders]
[i]Knock. Knock. Knock. Knock.[/i]

It was a very deliberate sound, with purpose. This was not the first time Lawrence had stopped by Marcus' room today, nor the second, nor the third. At this point he wasn't expecting it to be the last time either. At his side, Lizzy sniffed the air tentatively, picking up a familiar scent. She had not been around for the previous visits, but now it was evening and the dog had since finished its daily wandering. Besides, Lawrence figured a dog would help to cut some of the tension from the meeting- some therapists used them for that reason, didn't they?

He wasn't exactly sure, he'd never exactly studied psychology in spite of how people used him at USARILN East.

Either way, there were certain people on the team he couldn't avoid talking to, and near the top of the list was the person occupying this room. A funny guy, supposedly, although Lawrence didn't really think they shared the same sense of humor. Really he didn't know much about Marcus at all aside from the fact that the guy was dating Emma, his roommate back at USARILN. A fact which altogether didn't tell him a whole lot. 

Still, what he did know was what had happened since Wisford, and knowing nothing else about the guy that gave him a very good reason to be here. 

Four knocks on his door roused Marcus from his thoughts. He certainly hadn't had many visitors while they'd been here at the Estate; it seemed like everyone he knew he just ran into or he was the one seeking them out. He stood from his chair, making his way cautiously to the door. With his luck, it was Zhang here to execute him for his crimes.

He swung the door open quickly, eyes falling on Lawrence. Certainly not one of the people he had been expecting, and not exactly one of the people he was hoping to see. It was possible that he might have been actively avoiding Lawrence, if only so he didn't have to talk about Wisford anymore. Looked like he really had no choice in the matter now, though.

He eyes dropped from Lawrence to the creature standing beside him. [i]Dog. Large dog.[/i]

The reaction was immediate, his entire body tensed and froze as he assessed the situation. This one didn't seem to be hostile. Of course not. Why would Lawrence bring an angry dog to his room? [i]Why would Lawrence bring any dog to his room[/i]? Between his slight panic and the active suppression of his 'flight' instinct, it didn't occur to him that this was the dog that probably saved his life back at USARILN. Still, the dog didn't seem to be making any movements, and he followed suit, though his eyes flicked back and forth between Lawrence and Lizzy.

"[color 33ec06]Oh...h-hey Lawrence.[/color]" Marcus said, taking a moment to settle himself and try and silence the tremors in his voice. "[color 33ec06]Wasn't expecting to see you at my doorstep. What's up?[/color]" There, that was a little more casual.

[i][color=00ffbb]I don't really think I'm that intimidating.[/color][/i]

Just what had Marcus been doing in here that he was so nervous right off the bat? Drugs? Porn? It really wasn't his business either way, but it was still curious if nothing else. Lizzy, for her part, walked right past the younger Arbiter and began sniffing around the room for any snacks she could take as repayment for her earlier good deeds at USARILN East. Lawrence kept an eye on the dog in case she made herself too much at home in the other guy's room, but let her do her thing.

“[color=00ffbb]I wanted to see how you're doing- and I'm not exactly talking about your health here Marcus. Can I come in?[/color]”

"[color 33ec06]Sure...yeah. C'mon in, take a seat.[/color]" Marcus said, already having scooted to the side to allow Lizzy easy entrance. He gave a slight wave of his hand in invitation to Lawrence, still standing to the side to allow him in as well. As much as Marcus wanted to just slam the door in Lawrence's face, he was at a bit of an impasse here; he strongly doubted Lawrence wouldn't just kick the door back open, and the dog had already wandered in - and he wasn't going to tell her to get out.

"[color 33ec06]First though, how are you doing? And I am talking about your health here.[/color]" he said, leaning against the dresser. "[color 33ec06]You took some hits in Wisford and DC.[/color]"

“[color=00ffbb]Thanks.[/color]”

With that Lawrence entered and took a seat on the room's couch, content to let Marcus control the conversation for the moment. It's not like he would forget the entire reason he was here after a little redirection, and it wouldn't exactly be productive to try and force his topic through immediately. Lizzy, with her search complete, trotted back over to the Arbiter and sat down at his feet, receiving a scratch behind her ears in response with his free hand. The other having slipped into his shirt at the mention of Wisford.

“[color=00ffbb]Healthy as can be, all things considered. Not even any scarring. Magic sure beats science in the 'Not dying' department. I have you all to thank for getting me out of that mess, I do appreciate it.[/color]”

"[color 33ec06]I can agree with you on that department. Way better than the beds and nurses of the old days.[/color]" Marcus said, giving a slight but nervous chuckle. It was good to hear Lawrence's thanks at least, despite the fact that...

'[i][color 33ec06]He has all of us to thank for getting him [b]into[/b] that mess as well.[/color][/i]'

...well, yes. That.

Marcus sighed, as though he was mentally preparing himself for what was about to come out of Lawrence's mouth. He was a man on a mission, that much was clear at least, and he had a few ideas of what that mission would be - none of which he was particularly excited to go over.

"[color 33ec06]Alright, shoot. I asked my question.[/color]" Marcus said, the emotion in his voice a calm mixture of many others even he couldn't identify.

“[color=00ffbb]I already asked mine, Marcus. [i]How are you[/i]. Since Savannah, since pulling that trigger.[/color]”

It was half the reason Lawrence was here, anyway. Marcus was an Arbiter, but as it stood if they were deployed tomorrow Lawrence would be able to predict his mental state about as well as an Aberration. Maybe the guy was somehow taking everything well, and 'Doc' would have nothing to worry about, but he seriously doubted that. Quite frankly, he trusted nobody on this team to deal with stress in any way that resembled a healthy manner.

Marcus looked to the ground, speaking softly, almost to himself. "[color 33ec06]You really don't beat around the bush, do you?[/color]" he said, giving a light scoff.

He raised his head to look Lawrence in the eye while he spoke. There was no hiding anything from him; he had been there on the APC, he knew the events as they had happened. He'd had as much time to ruminate on the events as Marcus had, though he seriously doubted that they'd spent the same amount of time thinking about them.

"[color 33ec06]I've certainly been better. But I'm sure most of us have.[/color]" Marcus said, giving a weak smile. "[color 33ec06]Got two people killed, one by accident and another on purpose. I'm not really sure how exactly I'm supposed to come back from that one.[/color]"

He gave another slight chuckle, at a thought only he could hear. "[color 33ec06]I'll be honest; I thought I would feel way worse about the shooting than I do. Guess that's about all you need to know about that, huh?[/color]"

“[color=00ffbb]I'd consider all the not-talking about it we've been doing beating around the bush enough.[/color]”

Still, it was almost the exact opposite of what Lawrence was hoping to hear. Grief could be easy enough to work through once one found out how they handled it best. Indifference though... or at least as close to it as Marcus claimed to be was worrying. With a sigh he removed the hand from inside of his shirt and ran it through his hair, trying to think of how to best approach the subject now.

“[color=00ffbb]It's not really about coming back. Savannah was... unfortunate, most of all for her, but I know I at least can hardly blame you for that. Not every decision we make is going to be the right one, especially on the battlefield.[/color]”

He of course had hardly known the girl, and even if Lawrence was sympathetic, she was far from the first life he'd seen taken away, even one so young. It was clear that he, at least, wasn't dwelling on that specific loss.

“[color=00ffbb]That man you shot though- you have powers Marcus. That could have been taken care of in a number of ways that didn't result in killing an unarmed man. If you're not feeling '[i]way worse[/i]' about that then we have a problem- because it hurts all of us if civilians see 'subnaturals' murdering people in the street. They're [i]not[/i] going to take the context of what was happening to Emma into account.[/color]” 

"[color 33ec06]I think I'd feel better if I knew more people were blaming me for Savannah...everyone else seems to think it's their faults in some way or another...[/color]" Marcus muttered to himself.

"[color 33ec06]And I know. That incident was a shitshow for us. Especially with me being there and what I did. I know.[/color]" he continued, his voice starting to grow more despondant. "[color 33ec06]And I've tried to convince myself that I should be sick to my stomach with guilt, I should be tearing my hair out over killing that guy...but it doesn't happen. I feel terrible; there were so many things that I could have done...[/color]" Marcus was starting to ramble now, his voice growing faster as he progressed through his own thoughts.

"[color 33ec06]But honestly...that was as much a battlefield as Wisford. That man was a hostile. I tried to stop him and he turned on me, and I saw it. He was going to beat me to death, and then finish beating Emma to death. And god knows what would have happened if he took my gun off my lynched corpse...[/color]"

"[color 33ec06]Knowing that...I made a bad choice, but I'm having a hard time telling myself that I should feel guilty for my actions.[/color]"

“[color=00ffbb]I don't know if you're telling yourself that so you can sleep easier, or you really are that callous- but it doesn't matter either way Marcus.[/color]”

And now it was time for the real reason Lawrence had stopped by. It was pointless, in his opinion, to bring up problems without offering solutions, or trying to help the other person work through them. There was a [i]definite[/i] problem here, and not just for some abstract reason like morality, but a rather objective one in Lawrence's view.

“[color=00ffbb]Look, if you're so comfortable with killing civilians as anything but a last resort in a situation it's a problem Marcus. It's a problem that [i]hurts the team[/i]. Whether you think killing that man was justified or not, civilians and the media can spin that into anti 'subnatural' propaganda so hard they really [i]will[/i] become our enemies. Then you can multiply what happened with that man and Emma by a thousand and kiss the team goodbye. You don't have an 'X' on your throat, and if you can't control that trigger I don't think you should deploy with a gun next time.[/color]”

If Marcus was being honest, he wasn't sure if he was telling himself that to help him sleep better either. Hardly mattered though, like Lawrence said. However, the way Lawrence was describing it painted him as the bad person, something he'd actively been trying to justify away. It wasn't that he was comfortable killing civilians, not by a long shot. He just...was able to make reason enough for it in his case. After all, if that man was a hostile, then he wasn't a [i]murderer[/i], he was acting in the best interests of the team.

[color 33ec06][i]Murderer.

[b]No.[/b][/i][/color]

His thoughts took him away from defending himself, only being brought to rest with Lawrence's last point. He wanted him to deploy without a gun. No defense if things went wrong. All the other words seemed to trickle past; he was worried about his own well-being first. Even thinking about it...his heart was already starting to race. Another bout of 'what if' scenarios. What if he hadn't had a gun when the squirrels were charging them during their very first combat encounter?

But it had done little good elsewhere. In Wisford the most he'd done was with a flare gun, not even an actual pistol. But it had range...if they got caught by another mage with crowd control powers...

"[color 33ec06]I...don't think that's a good idea. There's too many unknowns around. And even if you give me a melee weapon...what if it's not enough?[/color]" Marcus said, internally trying to ease his worried mind.

“[color=00ffbb]There's a million 'what-if's out there Marcus. What if you kill another civilian who doesn't have a weapon and it deepens the rift between civilians and subnaturals even further? The point is firearms carry with them a certain level of responsibility, if you can't handle it then we need to work on finding other solutions to your self defense problems.[/color]”

Christ, it wasn't as if Lawrence was trying to get the guy killed, quite the opposite. He was trying to get as many people to [i]live[/i] as possible. It wasn't as if guns were extremely useful in most situations that they were deployed into anyway- as experience had taught him well. Their last few deployments had been a painful reminder that he was the [i]only[/i] one in this group with experience, and it was beginning to become a pain in the ass.

“[color=00ffbb]You were giving orders after my incapacitation, right? If you want to be a leader for this group you need to start keeping a broader picture of what it means to protect this squad in mind. Your personal safety- and everyone else's- are only one factor that's going to lead to a half decent future for everyone. It sucks but PR is important too, or USARILN might decide we're not worth the trouble. What do you think happens then?[/color]”

'What if' this, 'what if' that. Lawrence was correct in that sense, and Marcus was acutely aware of it; there were too many what-if's floating around. He'd spent far too much of his life living in them to not understand that. But he wanted to be prepared for them, to be ready if some of the more likely 'what-if's reared their head. 

But...maybe Lawrence was right in the rest of it too; even if he saw the situation from the angle of 'people trying to kill helpless subnaturals', that's not what the majority would see it as. He needed to focus bigger - making sacrifices for the good of the team and all. It was his responsibility as the face; to make sure that they were seen in a good light, despite the dangers and brutality of their condition.

"[color 33ec06]I don't [i]want[/i] to be the leader...[/color]" He didn't deserve that responsibility. He'd made nothing but terrible calls, one after the other. "[color 33ec06]...but it always seems like nobody else is willing to take it.[/color]"

He sighed, looking to the floor, eyes searching as a few thoughts crossed his mind. "[color 33ec06]What were you thinking? Self-defense wise?[/color]"

“[color=00ffbb]I'll do what I can to give some direction to everybody, but we were both there in Wisford. I don't have the kind of power the rest of you do- chances are I'm going to die sooner rather than later. May as well be you taking up the mantle- would probably be better than one of the X's.[/color]”

Lawrence didn't intend to die of course, especially after his experience in Wisford, but it would be stupid to deny the strong possibility. Still, he hadn't exactly expected to be asked what Marcus should do as an alternative. He didn't really know what exactly the guy was capable of with his powers, his observations during the last two incidents being understandably hazy. Giving Lizzy a quick rubdown for a few seconds while he tried to think, the Arbiter finally answered;

“[color=00ffbb]Not sure there quite frankly, I don't really know your abilities intimately enough to be able to come up with a plan for them. Why don't we try to get together for a training session and see what we can come up with? Somehow I don't think you'd be the least capable person here in that department.[/color]”

"[color 33ec06]Alright....[/color]" Marcus said, still a little bit uneasy about the agreement. There was still the shaking feeling that Marcus was agreeing to something that could only go poorly for him, but he was at least willing to compromise. 

"[color 33ec06]If-[/color]" He stopped suddenly, correcting himself before continuing. "[color 33ec06][i]When[/i] we get back to USARILN, we can do a training session. Might be good to have a second opinion anyway...lord knows I've probably not thought of everything I can do with these powers.[/color]" There was a sullen uneasiness to his statement, as if Lawrence had forced the agreement out of him, rather than persuading.

With a nod to finalize the agreement Lawrence stood from the couch and stretched. He had honestly expected the encounter to go far worse- but then again he had far more experience dealing with Abes than Arbs. Lizzy stood as well, and trotted over to the door, pointedly ignoring the person who still hadn't payed her back for the rescue a couple weeks ago. With a hand on the younger guy's shoulder as he passed, Lawrence quickly followed after her, ready to get on with the rest of his day now that one of the main issues that had been bothering since his recovery had seemingly been dealt with.

“[color=00ffbb]Thanks for hearing me out Marcus, we'll find a solution in all this. Right now though I think we just need more... stability than power. I'm hoping you can help offer that- even if it's not genuine.[/color]”

With that Lawrence opened the door and slipped out, Lizzy falling into place beside him, and offering a wave with the back of his hand as he did so. He didn't really expect a drastic change to stem from the conversation, but one step in the right direction was still a step better than before.

If only he could get a couple good leaps out of the group before it ended up being too late.
[/hider]