[@superservo27]
Some constructive crit:
	1) Several times throughout your post, you shift perspective. From "He did" to "They did" to "I mean." Might wanna work on that.
	2) Dialogue. One person's dialogue is in ONE paragraph, period. There should never be two people's dialogue in a single paragraph. Your last post had your character speaking, then an NPC speaking, in one paragraph. That's a no-no