Before we talk about magic, I have some things that need to be mentioned and addressed. I'll leave the magic up to Dervs and Schaft.
[quote=@Dervish]
[h3]HI GUYS, WE FINALLY READ OVER ALL THE SHEETS![/h3]

Zevran by That1guy

[hider=Zevran]
*So, what’s his family name? Even farmers and smiths had family names. - Schaft

*I’d like to see his relationship with his family fleshed out more, what reason did he have to just stop concerning himself with them? What was his family’s reaction? - Schaft

*From the sound of it, he’s given himself a rough time over not being the typical Breton mage due to his birthsign. How did this affect his childhood and his relationships with friends/family? - Schaft

*He spent three years wandering, what were some of the things he encountered? Furthermore, I’d like it to be expanded upon just how he managed to defeat the Necromancer with seemingly no practical application of his magic thus far.

*The personality section is a little bare-bones, I’m only able to extrapolate that he is a bit of an introvert, likes honey and ‘gets by with a little help from his friends.’ He also doesn’t like small talk, but what are some deeper things about him? Fears, wants, goals, ambitions. I’d like for the player to think harder about what the character likes and dislikes and why he likes and dislikes them.

*Silver is a really weak and malleable metal, which is really only suitable for ghosts in TES. You may wish to substitute for steel or something similar. - Dervs 

*It’s worth noting that Dwemer weren’t known for being mages, it was incredibly rare for them and they focused primarily on technological endeavors. 

*You’ve got a great mind for character creation, Zevran is a character with a huge potential, I’d love to see what he becomes after some fleshing out! - Foxey
[/hider]

[/quote]

[quote=@That1Guy]
[Hider= Zevran the Enchanter and Igor the owl ]


[B]Name:[/B] Zevran Penaire 
[B]Race:[/B] Breton
[B]Sex:[/B] Male
[B]Age:[/B] 20
[b]Birthsign:[/b] The Atronach 
[B]Family Origins:[/B] His family seemed to crop up out of nowhere, rising on the success of a grandfather now lost to time. With enough influence on trade to gain riches, but not enough to become anything of true importance, they were stuck in a safe zone somewhere in the middle. As long as nobody did anything stupid nobody had problems with them, they had little effect on anything but the caravans and such they controlled, and floated healthily on the profit that came from it.

[B]Family and Associations:[/B]
[u]Father:[/u] Quiet and stone hearted, Dunard Penaire runs the business almost entirely alone, leaving him secluded from his wife and four children. Needless to say Zevran has his own opinions about his father, but nevertheless respects his devotion to his work. Dunard rarely has anything to do with his own children other than his eldest, and even then treats them more like associates or coworkers rather than children. 

[u]Mother:[/u] Lysabyth Penaire takes care of the family, though with three children studying magic and one shut away preparing to take over the family business, she is often also left alone for great amounts of time, but can always count on her youngest son Zevran to cheer her up. An optimistic woman that seems to run off the energy of others. Zevran sometimes wonders why she married his father, as they seem to have completely opposite personalities. Lysabyth is terrified for her son, but puts her complete trust in him that he will one day return to her. She has always supported anything he chose to do, and was the one who led him to his former teachers.

[u]Oldest brother:[/u] Agrane Penaire is 25 and sometimes works with his father, but often works alone as well, studying everything from trade, to the many cultures that he would be dealing with when he takes his father's position. He pushes his siblings to work and do their best, though it can often come across as crude, as he rarely sugar coats anything when it comes to family matters. Zevran avoids his older brother as much as possible, both to stay out of the way, and avoid the constant rants he starts whenever Zevran is around. Agrane thinks little of Zevran and his desire for adventure, and thinks his studies abroad a waste of time and resources.

[u]The Twins:[/u] Lysolda and Lysona Penaire are curious young women, almost never separating from each other even from birth, and now with them both at the ages of 17 and studying magic, they act even stranger. Rarely studying and instead going along on their natural talent, the twin mages often tease their older brother Zevran, both for his birth sign and anything else they can happen to think of. The Twins are the definition of troublemakers. They could care less about their brother's adventures until something profitable and fun comes of it that they could take advantage of. 

[i]The Teacher:[/i] Agrus Erviie is an old man, officially a magic teacher, but unofficially retired. He was skeptical at first when Lysabyth Penaire brought her son to him, but quickly grew impressed with the young man's determination if nothing else. He did his best, doing what he could for Zevran and teaching him what he could before the young man decided to learn elsewhere, suddenly disappearing from his hometown without saying goodbye.


[B]Appearance:[/B]
[img]https://i.pinimg.com/736x/eb/da/39/ebda399cce3b5a721585d3b45fffbe55--character-concept-character-ideas.jpg[/img]
Just under avrage height for a Breton, with fair and soft unblemished skin. His hair is short and often styled, the color a plantinum blonde. His eyes a striking blue. Never seen without his layered blue robes or his snow owl Igor.

Igor is the perfect example of a snow owl who has been overly spoiled. Perfect white feathers always where they should be, an almost snooty look in it's always observing eyes and a small metal collar hanging around it's neck that gently glitters with a minor detect life enchantment.

[B]Equipment:[/B] Steel shortsword, elven dagger, thin iron chainmail shirt.
[B]Misc. Possessions:[/B] Enough preserved food for two days consisting mostly of dried fruits and meats, thee water skins, Preserved rodent meat ( for the owl ) Basic enchanting supplies, very basic alchemy supplies. A sizable jar of honey to fuel his addiction.
[B]Favoured Skill[u][/u]s:[/B] 
[i]Highly proficient:[/i] Enchanting / Alchemy 
[i]Somewhat proficient:[/i]Destruction / Alteration / Mysticism 
[Indent][B]Spell List:[/B][/Indent]
[i]Mysticism[/i]: Major life detection / Remote manipulation / Soul Trap / Dispel Other
[i]Alteration:[/i] Oakflesh
[i]Destruction:[/i] Hail Flare ( oblivion apprentice spell, 15 pts fire dmg 10 pts frost dmg ) 
Magika Drain (oblivion spell, drain 30 pts magika on touch )
[B]History:[/B] 

Born to a fairly well off family, he never took to the normal mage life or even the normality of everyday. He instead enjoyed learning about magic and experimenting where he could, this is where his love of enchanting came from. When he was 10 he began taking lessons from the nearby mages guild. His lessons spanned multiple schools of magic, but his favorite by far was enchanting due to the freedom it gave him.

Him being under the sign of the atronach indeed made things difficult for him, influencing mood and often making bad moods worse. He came to fix this problem though alchemy, using magika potions as pick me ups, and using drain magika spells whenever he could, especially in combat when he could rely on getting close to his targets, or not worry about his allies running out of, or needing magika.


For years he learned, distancing himself from everybody In his family save his mother, until eventually one day he disappeared entirely, stealing gold and several needed supplies from home, including his father's elven dagger. He travelled for a good time, picking up a trick or two where he could and immersing himself in the libraries of any mage college he could wriggle his way into, only spending a month or two at the most in any college he came across.

As his 20th birthday approached, he travelled skyrim, following rumors and tales of a necromancer hidden away near a dwemer ruin, studying a mixture of the nearby animals and the dwemer automatons, possibly in hopes of applying such technology in some way to his experiments. The meeting went poorly, Zevran only surviving due to his skill with remote manipulation spells, unlocking a cage from a distance and watching the mage get torn apart by one of the animals he had been experimenting on. This is where he met Igor, when the owl never stopped following him. Zevran could only imagine the bird had been the pet of a previous adventurer who had come across the rouge mage, and had not been quite as lucky as he. 

Igor quickly became inseperable, keeping Zevran company and even proving her intelligence by delivering letters and other small objects, remembering faces and proving an invaluable night guard, especially with the enchanted collar that Zevran worked weeks on perfecting, or at least putting into working order. Nothing escapes Igor's hawklike gaze, especially Zevran, who she protects as if he were her own.

Eventually he heard of an archeological expedition, he quickly became obsessed with learning about these dwemer, everything from their culture to how they created their automatons and fueled their cities. He hopes to make himself useful however he can, even if combat is not his strongpoint.
[B]Personality:[/B]

A decently studied young man, if a bit naïve and starry eyed and still learning when it comes to life. His optimism and hope for the future guide his every step, and his past experiences guard them. Outwardly he interacts little with others, hating large groups and instead putting his trust into a select few. To those people that he gets along with he is easily exited, and does his best to keep them happy much the way he did for his mother. 

Sometimes he seems to have issues with depression and overthinking things, and will regularly fall into slumps where he has little inspiration and will to do much of anything. He tries to choose his words carefully, but will often get carried away, sometimes saying things he does not intend and afterward locking himself away or worrying himself to death what others think of him. His only consolation during these moments are Igor, who keeps closer than normal during these times, and always stays with him until he works things out.

Outwardly and in social situations, he tries to keep a clean expression and study his surroundings, he can often be seen studying every tiny detail in any new room he arrives in, as if already planning an escape from something. A surprising amount of things make him happy, honey and sweets being the main object of his love aside from Igor.
People who listen to him, or at the very least deal with him with a bit of patience, often can expect him to try to repay their kindness with gifts, anything from potions to offers for enchantments, if they can supply him with the things needed that is. 
[/hider]

Alright, try #2 [@Dervish]
[/quote]

Good job on elaborating on his personality, and giving him a family name.

[quote][B]Family Origins:[/B] His family seemed to crop up out of nowhere, rising on the success of a grandfather now lost to time. With enough influence on trade to gain riches, but not enough to become anything of true importance, they were stuck in a safe zone somewhere in the middle. As long as nobody did anything stupid nobody had problems with them, they had little effect on anything but the caravans and such they controlled, and floated healthily on the profit that came from it.[/quote]

This entire block of text should be moved to the History section. The Family Origins section should really only contain where he was born and lived, i.e, Imperial City, Cyrodiil, or Windhelm, Skyrim for example.

I personally feel as if you didn't really answer or elaborate on anything that we asked you to in the first place, if anything, now I have more questions pertaining to his background.

We have mentioned several times in the OOC that the Mages Guild no longer exists.

[quote]I’d like to see his relationship with his family fleshed out more, what reason did he have to just stop concerning himself with them? What was his family’s reaction? - Schaft[/quote] 

I saw that you expanded on the Family and Associations section, but I feel that while you explained their relations to him, there is no explanation or elaboration of them in the History section, you left that out entirely. You mention that there is a family business, but you didn't say what kind? 

[quote]For years he learned, distancing himself from everybody In his family save his mother, until eventually one day he disappeared entirely, stealing gold and several needed supplies from home, including his father's elven dagger. He travelled for a good time, picking up a trick or two where he could and immersing himself in the libraries of any mage college he could wriggle his way into, only spending a month or two at the most in any college he came across.
[/quote]
[quote]He spent three years wandering, what were some of the things he encountered?[/quote]
There's a lot here, what age was he when he left home? Why did he steal gold and supplies, along with the his father's dagger? "He travelled for a good time," what is a good time exactly? You mention him immersing himself in the libraries of any mage college he could get into, but you don't state [i]where[/i] he went, or what he learned. Also, during this period of travel, there’s not much on his experiences. Did he ever get lost, or sick? Did he ever get robbed by bandits? How did he handle interacting with people and the environment once he left home?

 As of right now, I'm concerned that you're going to have a hard time writing similar quality pieces when this game launches. Your CS in general, even with the changes you've made, still isn't meeting the same hard effort everyone else has put into their applications so far. If you can do a sheet that excels by Monday, great!