[hider=Davy DePietro][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/bpAaceF.jpg[/img]
[color=Crimson][h1][b]David "Davy" DePietro III[/b][/h1][/color]

[color=crimson][h3]What's your name?[/h3][/color]

[i]David, but my friends call me Davy. David's my father, you know? And his father's name, except he was actually named Davide. Changed it when he came to Ellis Island on account of all those World War II service records, you know? Besides, I always thought Davy sounded pretty cool, like Davy Jones, or Davy Crockett. Pretty much the only good examples though. Oh, except on the fields of Aznagor, I'm Davidus the Druid. You probably don't know about Aznagor, or what a Druid is, but it's like a game where you talk out what you do, with dice. Some people say only losers like to hang out roleplaying, but I think they just don't exactly know what it is, and that makes them sort of upset, you know?[/i]

[color=crimson][h3]How old are you?[/h3][/color]

[i]Thirteen next week. My mom's so Catholic, she clenched together for three hours to make sure I wasn't born on Halloween. November First ain't a bad birthday, though, even if it was at 12:05 in the morning. My mom likes to wake me up at that time on my birthday, every birthday, which was a fun tradition the first five times. Now, knowing the surprise that's coming just keeps me up all night. I still pretend to be sleeping for her, you know? Some parents forget their kids' birthdays, letting my mom blow a kazoo in my ear is the least I could do.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]What do you look like?[/h3][/color]

[i]Are you with the Army? I know I said I'm turning thirteen, but I think I'm too young for you to draft me. For real, though, I look like this. Real ladykiller. My mom says I look like Roy Orbison, and Roy Orbison got chicks, man. Sometimes she says I look like Conway Twitty. Not much of a compliment, but Twitty totally got around too. Some kids at school pick on me and call me fat, which I hate more than the actual fat kids, because I just have strong bone density. I'm not even husky, I'm just stocky. Sicilians are mountain people, we're stocky. Nothing wrong with being stocky, you know? Sometimes I wish I wasn't, though. I'd like to look like Michael Jackson, even though it sounds crazy. A white Michael Jackson, right? That would be bananas, I bet chicks would line up for white MJ.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]Do you have any hobbies?[/h3][/color]

[i]Too many! My biggest is ventriloquism. My mom got me a dummy for my sixth birthday because I was a tubby only child with no friends, and I've gotten super good at it since. I bring him to the talent show every year. We're not as cool as those breakdancing twins from China, but I like to think we've got a cult following amongst the English teachers. His name's Crunch, because the roof of his jaw and his mouth are actually meant to make him a functional nutcracker, so they look a little bit like one of those meat mallets, only wider. Sometimes people complain that it looks like teeth, but I wouldn't trade him in for the world. Plus, I can't do that joke where he eats all my sandwich unless he could mush it up, you know? Also, you ever make braciole without whacking the steak first? It's like a log. I offered to use Crunch to help with making braciole one night, my mom didn't think it was funny. She's the one who got him for me, but Crunch freaks her out the most.

I also have an aquarium. Most people have fish tanks, but theirs are just depressing empty tanks with some gravel, but I have a [b]real[/b] aquarium, with a waterfall and pond stuff like you see in the zoo. No biggie. Well, my mom has a real aquarium, but Froggina is mine. She's a Surinam Underwater Toad. She used to have a husband, Froggy, who we got first, but he died last month because he jumped out of the tank and Sprinkles ate him. My grandma found him in the morning, she nearly jumped out of her wheelchair, hah. Don't tell my mom I said that, though. That'd result in what she calls "[i]The Guinea Reset Button[/i]". You wanna know where it is? The back of my head.

I like comic books and cartoons and the usual stuff you'd think I like. My favorite comic is Superman. Most people hate Supes because he's overpowered, but that's not the point of Superman. You already know he can kick the villain's nuts into his mouth, but you don't know if he can save the day in the process, you know? The audience might always know what Superman's gonna do, but that's because Superman always does the right thing. Isn't that the point of a superhero anyway? Oh, and I like movies, I've seen every Star Wars three times. Have you ever seen Return of The Jedi? That's the newest one, so don't start with it. I really like the animated Hobbit movie too. You ever see that one? I think it was in the 70's. That's more your time than mine, haha.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]What are some things that you especially dislike?[/h3][/color]

[i]Bullies. I've never been one of the cool kids, and it seems like the cool kids are just the meanest kids who hang out together and shit on everyone else. Then, everyone else calls them the popular kids because they're the ones who won't let people sit with them, as if it makes a difference. I hate my curfew, too. My mom wigs out if I don't get home on time. In fact, the Wiscasset police station had to formally ask her to stop filing early missing child reports without waiting the proper amount of time. I get that we're all we've got, but sometimes she feels a little suffocating, you know? Maybe it has to do with Carlo. I love my mom, but she's a really anxious lady. I hate parrots too. Most birds, now that I think of it. They don't blink enough. Even Crunch blinks. That's actually a little secret to ventriloquism I'll let you in on. If your model can't blink, kids will start crying about five minutes in, when your dummy stares into their souls like the one from Magic.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]What are your goals for the future? Both immediate and long-term.[/h3][/color]

[i]Immediately, I'd like to get into Strong Vincent Academy. Afterwards, I don't really know. I'd like to be the first touring ventriloquist, and tell dirty jokes at nightclubs and the Tonight Show with Crunch, but my mom says comedians all develop cocaine addictions and their parents all die of neglect eating cat food in an apartment, so I guess a puppeteer newscaster would be a compromise. My mom says that's not real, though.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]What's your home life like? Specifically, what is your relationship like with your parents?[/h3][/color]

[i]Oh, you're not in the Army, you're child services. That makes sense. My mom's fine. She hovers over my shoulder, but someone who's had her life has every right to, I guess. She's always got food on the table, even if she has an obsession with spaghetti and lasagna. My nona cooks too, but she fears seasoning like dracula fears garlic. Other than that, my nona mostly just watches TV, hangs out with Sprinkles, and sleeps on the couch. Other than that, it's just Sprinkles and Froggina, who are a cat and a frog.

My dad? He lives in Boulder, I think he's an accountant for a nightclub or something. I forget. I don't see him, but he sends my mom a monthly check and she doesn't take him to court for child support, so we're all even steven. I don't dislike him or anything, I don't think he wanted to be a dad in the first place, but my parents got divorced when I was one, so I guess he could've taken longer to figure it out, y'know?[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]What's your favorite animal, and why?[/h3][/color]

[i]Frogs, because of Froggy. He taught me a lot about love, laughter, and life, until Sprinkles turned him into cat food. I brought Froggy to school once, everybody loved him. Since then, Andrew Pooley says I look like a frog, and you know what I say? Andrew Pooley kissed his sister on the lips in the third grade, so screw that sister-fucker and his opinions. Roy Orbison didn't look like a frog. Aside from Froggy, I think frogs are cool because of their ribbits. It's a cool noise for a thing to make. Plus, they literally evolve in their lifespan. When people are born -- when most things are born, really -- they just look like a smaller, pinker, less hairy version of the thing they are. Frogs have a whole tadpole stage where they look like boogers, and then they grow little nubs, and then those nubs get fingers and get a little longer, and then they lose their tails.
Boom. You've got a frog, my friend.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]How about your favorite color?[/h3][/color]

[i]Red. Who doesn't like red? The best things are all red. Kool-Aid, cars, popsicles, you name it. I mean, imagine getting up early, running down the stairs, ripping off the wrapping paper and unboxing a little [i]green[/i] wagon on Christmas. Plus, I always pick red for my school picture background. My mom says it accentuates my eyes.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]What are your grades like?[/h3][/color]

[i]Nothing too bad, nothing too great. I'm good at English because I like to read and reading gets us extra credit, but I suck at math. Doesn't everybody kind of suck at math, though? I wish instead of math, I could just take extra science. All we really do in science is basic math anyway. I hate gym, too. You'd think it's the fun class, but all we do is run laps and take free throws, and I suck at both of those. Coach Laheigh is getting up there, so nowadays he usually doesn't notice when I take a breather under the bleachers.[/i]

[color=Crimson][h3]Do you believe in magic?[/h3][/color]

[i]Uh, no?[/i][/center][/hider]