[quote=@Sep] [@Letter Bee] [hider=Analysis] 1) If medical tests have shown he's clean, why is he imprisoned? Why is he handed over to the mining Guild? 2) Was* a student, no? 3) I await the rest of your skills to be explained in your history. 4) So he's weak, and meak. What else is his flaw? Is he scared of the dark? A good balance in RP is Strengths = Weaknesses, in number. [hider=History] 1) How is one well off but not well off? Couldn't you say just 'Middle Class' or even 'Lower Middle' or 'Upper Lower'? Or simply... lower class? Lowerclass =/= Working Class. 2) How did she protect him from bullies? Was she attractive? Fierce? Brutal? Manipulative? Powerful? 3) Of course his studies continued? He was a kid? 4) Where'd the Optimism come from? 5) Why was he accepted to University at 15?/One from a differing clan when clans were still a little wary with eachother at this point. 6) How did somewhere on the planet avoid the CIS, when the CIS [i]occupied the planet?[/i] 7) Did he not have access to news outlet? Other people talking? A Window? How did he not see that his planet was being occupied by a hostile force? 8) Why was he unable to speak about his sisters unfaithful boyfriend? 9) Why did he choose Colin? 10) Why did Colin choose just [i]now[/i] to speak up against her boyfriends activities? It seems contrived. 11) I thought he had left University? I'm a little confused, I thought post CIS he went back to his family? 12) So how was he framed? How did Campus Police end up with him being turned over to the Empire? [/hider] [/hider] [/quote] Edited the CS.