Alright I'm no longer dying so: [@Kalleth] For Saber, please add in Class Skill descriptions before I do a proper look-over. I'm also assuming you're changing some stuff based on what you said in the Discord. For Nick, why did this tutor go out of their way to find some kid with mediocre circuits and teach them? Were they just weird like that? Also, as an aside, the General Fundamentals course takes five years to complete, and that was for a guy who was hailed as a prodigy. Very unlikely he'd be able to do it in less, all the more so when you've got all his other stuff. Keep in mind that the fist wraps will only let you plunder Od, which is very small in how much energy there is compared to mana. Also, I will be blunt in warning you that if you punch a Servant with those on, there is a very decent probability you will explode. The gloves don't really work the way you want them to as far as the positive feedback loop goes, since the amount of prana you get from punching someone isn't going to be very much at all. If you punch someone, you'll only be getting a few units of prana from them per punch, so you can maybe make the subsequent punch a bit stronger, but the second punch won't be any stronger than the third, and won't be much stronger than the first. [hr] [quote=@Turboshitter] [@ADamnFiddle] [@Over Illusion] What do you think would be appropriate prep time for the hut and the horsemen? I was thinking the hut could maybe be built over the course of a couple days, and imbuing all four horsemen with E-Rank Servant power would take maybe a week. [/quote] Two days for the hut is fine. Recall what I said about Servant-tier familiars. Avicebron's, which require 800 year old materials and additional prep, aren't at that level at all, and even Paracelsus's Elementals which require making a philosopher's stone as [i]step one[/i] aren't. If you want the horsemen to reach the level of Servants, it'll take more time than the Grail War will last for. I recommend scaling them down so you can make creating them more feasible within the time constraints of the Grail's activity. [hr] [quote=@Gummy1295] Decided to drop Agüeybana and replacing her with a newer, more well-known Servant of the same class. So, let's make this Swift and deadly. Presenting another Rule 63'd warrior who fights with a pointy stick: Meet Longinus, better known as that one "guy" who pierced Jesus Christ's waist with his Lance to make sure he was dead. [hider=Longinus] True Name: Longinus Class: Lancer Alignment: Lawful Neutral Appearance: [img] https://i.pinimg.com/736x/79/b2/87/79b2871e3d925dbf76abbbcb50a70323--fire-emblem-characters-designs.jpg[/img] Parameters: STR: B CON: B AGI: C MGI: E LCK: E Bio: In most interpretations of the Christian Bible, Longinus is the name of the Roman centurion soldier who pierced the waist of Jesus Christ during his crucifixion, causing the last of the Five Holy Wounds on Jesus's body. After the events following the death of Christ, Longinus converted to Christianity and was eventually canonized as a Saint by the Vatican many years after his death. Class Skills: Magic Resistance: B ~ While Lancer-Class Servants don't usually sport a rank higher than C in this skill, Lancer's direct involvement with the son of God justifies a boost in this skill. At this level, Lancer is completely resistant to most types of modern Magecraft, bar spells at the level of High Thaumaturgy. Personal Skills: Saint: A ~ Lancer's acceptance into the Vatican's catalog of saints grants her a sizable boost to her Magic Resistance and increase her Luck parameter threefold (essentially changing her rank in the parameter to E++ or C while she possesses this skill. Any type of mental interference nullifies this skill, lowering her Magic Resistance to D and reverting her Luck parameter to E rank until the effects of the mental interference fade out. Charisma: C ~ Before she impaled the son of God, Lancer was a high-ranking Commander in the Roman Army. As a result of her experience leading armies, she is adequately skilled at controlling a large group of people. Noble Phantasm: Name: Spear of Destiny ~ Holy Lance of Longinus Rank: C Type: Anti-Army Range: 1-30 Maximum number of targets: 1-50 A spear tainted with the blood of Christ. When used as a melee weapon, the spear causes bonus True damage to Servants with an Evil alignment. The spear's true power manifests itself as a beam of Holy-elemental energy that emerges from the spear's head and travels in a straight line in the direction it was thrust, causing Holy-elemental damage to any opponent that comes into contact with it. [/hider] So, how about it? [/quote] Change the description for Saint to one more in line with the canon one. I'm not sure what "Holy-elemental damage" is for the NP's purposes. STR to C, CON to C, AGI to B. While this isn't technically a problem, the lance is kind of a big deal in canon, so you could raise it above C rank if you're so inclined. [hr] [quote=@Italicized] I made an Archer who focused on skills more due to what his legend provided so hopefully he is fine. I believe he is up for review~ [hider=Servant] [h3][sup][color=SteelBlue][b][u]SERVANT [/u][/b][/color][/sup][/h3][indent] [color=DarkCyan][b]Name:[/b][/color] Ekalayva, the Forsaken Student [color=DarkCyan][b]Class:[/b][/color] Archer [color=DarkCyan][b]Gender:[/b][/color] Male [color=DarkCyan][b]Appearance:[/b][/color] [center][img]https://i.pinimg.com/originals/82/75/fd/8275fd3140758dff4ecf19655f0ce504.jpg[/img][/center][color=DarkCyan][b]Alignment:[/b][/color] Chaotic Good[/indent][h3][sup][color=SteelBlue][b][u]BIO [/u][/b][/color][/sup][/h3][indent] [color=DarkCyan][b]Personality & History[/b][/color] [url=https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ekalavya]Ekalavya[/url] Heir to the Nisadha tribe and by the time he ascended the throne as their last king, he was also their greatest hunter at the same time. Lost in the wilderness, Archer was taken in where he was raised by the tribe and taught their ways were he learned their ways of archery and hunter exceptionally fast. At the young age of eighteen, the chieftain of the tribe had sent him to learn from the greater masters so that he could learn from the best of the best. Learn the traditional archery form known as Danurveda taught by the on and Guru Drona, it would be the rocky start of his journey that would lead him on his path. Upon being summoned into the Grail War, he has no opinions about the thing itself as the only Archer-class Servant there is no competition for the title of being the best archer. Being a fairly competitive person, he likes playing the game and feeling the rush of combat which will be suitable enough for joining the Grail War at the very least unless another motive encourages him. While not a bloodthirsty individual, he likes to see if these so-called 'Servants' have the skill to back themselves up and prove that they have the mettle of being summoned. He only hopes his Master is as capable of proving themselves to him and if not then he does not have to give much value on their opinion. Despite his firm beliefs, he is not a boring stoic but likes to have his own fun and entertainment to pass the time. Not telling the truth but neither lying, he likes to tell dance around the question and give vague answers that would lead to nowhere. Along with his behavior eventually, ends up with him being sarcastic and playful despite sometimes it not being proper during the moment at times. If he is the one giving advice, it often is brushed aside as a snide comment that his previous behavior had built an expectation of what to receive from him until they learn the mistake themselves. In the end, whether he wins or loses the War doesn't matter to him so long the trip between start and finish was enjoyable then it was worth it. Despite some exaggeration in his legends, his relative anonymity leaves him remaining true to who he was truly in life. Being a simply extremely skilled archer but never was granted the honor of wielding the Divine Construct, Pashupata, or ever managing to defeat the god Krishna in his lifetime. All he was in his story was a simple little cog, collateral, something that was needed to be tended to as the gods set the stage for their chosen heroes. He during his life time had the potential to become a exceptional heroic spirit on the level of his pantheon's choices like Arjuna or Karna but this is where he popped up in the end. [color=DarkCyan][b]Weapon:[/b][/color] His Bow primarily [/indent][h3][sup][color=SteelBlue][b][u]PARAMETERS [/u][/b][/color][/sup][/h3][indent] [color=DarkCyan][b]STR:[/b][/color] B [color=DarkCyan][b]CON:[/b][/color] C [color=DarkCyan][b]AGI:[/b][/color] A [color=DarkCyan][b]MGI:[/b][/color] C [color=DarkCyan][b]LCK:[/b][/color] E[/indent][h3][sup][color=SteelBlue][b][u]CLASS SKILLS [/u][/b][/color][/sup][/h3][indent] [color=DarkCyan][b]• Independent Action A:[/b][/color] Ekalavya is a hunter who can prowl and wait for hours until the perfect moment presents itself. Using great Noble Phantasm would indeed increase energy consumption and require assistance from his the reserves of his Master, but outside of that, he can take action without them. With Rank A Independent Action, it is possible for him to stay in the world for around a week without an anchor into this world. [color=DarkCyan][b]• Magic Resistance C:[/b][/color] While born in an age before the decline of mystery, he never dealt with magic in his legend. With this rank, he is able to cancel spells with chants below two verses but cannot defend against magecraft on the level of High-Thaumaturgy and Greater Rituals. [/indent][h3][sup][color=SteelBlue][b][u]PERSONAL SKILLS [/u][/b][/color][/sup][/h3][indent] [color=DarkCyan][b]• Instinct B++:[/b][/color] A refined sixth sense that developed during his life as part of being the matchless hunter in his clan that allowed him to follow his prey. It is more suited for tracking rather than use in combat, allowing Archer to predict the movement of his opponents without penalties to his vision or sight at its full potential. Given that he is pursuing a target this skill is gets a plus modifier along with another plus modifier is given when that target is unaware as well. After the first round of entering combat, this skill loses all modifiers to it but is still capable of reducing penalties to his sight and hearing by half. [color=DarkCyan][b]• Vitrification B:[/b][/color] A skill that is an intrinsic requirement into being a hunter of any kind and more for a great hunter to have. It allows Archer to blend into his surrounding, reflecting his ability to stalk and approach various kind of game and fell them before they knew the bow was drawn. It is an ability that can emulate Presence Concealment to a degree at [ C Rank ] and more effective the farther away the target is from Archer. If no hunter could disguise their intentions, all the sensitive animals of the land would flee from the intruders on their homes. [color=DarkCyan][b]• Clairvoyance C+:[/b][/color] At this rank, Archer is able to see at far distances and track fast moving objects without a problem so long it is within sight. With the combination of the Instinct Skill, Archer is able to obtain a plus modifier when trailing his target with his eyes that can pierce through invisibility if he sees them transitioning or signs of their presence. Within reason, mundane obstruction such as shrubbery and vegetation are treated as if they didn't count in hiding a tracked target or partially negated. It is an ability that hunters have with their eyes that can follow game into the wilderness while in the chase of game. [/indent][h3][sup][color=SteelBlue][b][u]NOBLE PHANTASMS [/u][/b][/color][/sup][/h3][indent] [color=DarkCyan][b]Name:[/b][/color] Danurveda [color=DarkCyan][b]Title:[/b][/color] Stolen Lessons of Knowledge [color=DarkCyan][b]Rank:[/b][/color] B [color=DarkCyan][b]NP Type:[/b][/color] Anti-Unit (Support) [color=DarkCyan][b]Range:[/b][/color] - [color=DarkCyan][b]Maximum Number of Targets:[/b][/color] 1 [color=DarkCyan][b]Description:[/b][/color] Despite rejection from his preferred teacher Guru Drona, Archer took it upon himself to continue in teaching himself and self-improvement. Beginning a disciplined program of self-study over many years that honed his skills under the watch of interested Gods. With time, he became an archer of exceptional prowess, greater than Drona's own student Arjuna in what was settled in a contest. After his victory, he was accepted as a student for many years which is this Noble Phantasm crystallized as his skill and dedication. His achievement gave him the skill 'Uncrowned Eternal Arms Mastership' at [ A Rank ], as the representation of the self-taught way that Archer learned his skills. To those who do not know the true identity of Archer perceives his parameters are seen as one rank lower and his skills are seen two ranks lower than what they actually are. With the self-teaching that he placed himself under, he pushed himself to be the best student even if his teacher did not recognize him officially and from that dedication, he received the skill of 'Wisdom of the Guru (False)' where he learned all the techniques of his teacher's advance military arts at [ C Rank ]. [color=DarkCyan][b]Name:[/b][/color] Dakshina [color=DarkCyan][b]Title:[/b][/color] The God's Sundering Renewal [color=DarkCyan][b]Rank:[/b][/color] A [color=DarkCyan][b]NP Type:[/b][/color] Anti-Unit (Support) [color=DarkCyan][b]Range:[/b][/color] - [color=DarkCyan][b]Maximum Number of Targets:[/b][/color] 1 [color=DarkCyan][b]Description:[/b][/color] A testament to Archer's dedication to not only his teacher but the craft of archery, even if he would be opposed to reaching his full potential. After the defeat of Arjuna, his teacher Drona asked for his thumb, a request that would destroy his form of archery if he meant it. He did and thus Archer gave his thumb to Drona who received the idea from the Goddess Krishna who wanted to decrease Ekalavya's strength and making him a weaker opponent not only after he defeated the Goddess' favored Arjuna but for the future that could come from him. The opportunity only served to strengthen Archer and grew from such a setback, being a person who enjoyed the journey rather than the destination. After his offering to his teacher, he relearned how to wield the bow both hands and once more properly that bestowed him the skill [ Eternal Arms Mastership (Bows) ] at [ A-rank ]. Crystallizing the growth that bloomed despite the spite placed upon him that pushed him forward to making himself even greater. His skill in Archery allowed him to perform extraordinary feats that wouldn't be possible, defying what logic would dictate as impossible or difficult such as bending around corners or arcing in directions simply from his own skill. As a side effect though, his Luck Stat has been decreased significantly through the divine intervention within his life negatively. [/indent][h3][sup][color=SteelBlue][b][u]NOTES [/u][/b][/color][/sup][/h3] [hr] [/hider] Hopefully Archer isn't too over the top, if anything needs to be changed, just shoot me the areas that need revisions to them~ [/quote] Instinct isn't seeing the future, it's feeling the future. I recommend removing it and sticking with Clairvoyance. Vitrification isn't blending into the environment so much as just mental interference protection by being so calm; the emulation of PC is more akin to something that arises from the plus modifier in not!Kojiro's case, so remove that bit. The first NP doesn't feel justified in being an NP given that you're basically using an NP slot to get two extra Personal Skill slots. I'd recommend removing Instinct, redoing Clairvoyance accordingly, and subbing in Uncrowned to the then-open slot. I don't really see the point of the second Noble Phantasm, since Eternal Arms Mastership just prevents mental interference from messing with your fighting skills, but Vitrification blocks out mental interference already, so it feels very redundant. Also the same issue as above applies in that this is basically just using an NP slot as a skill slot. As an aside, even EMIYA can make his arrows into curveballs, so something like that is fairly standard for Archers. [hr] [quote=@ManyThings] I've been busy recently, so I've missed some things, but looking back it seems like a few people are quite against Achilles. Maybe I'll switch him for another hero. [/quote] Don't feel obligated to by any means; neither Fiddle nor myself have any objections with him from a balancing perspective. If you would like to then you're welcome to, but yeah listen to your heart. [hr] [quote=@Kuroyomihime] I expect to have my Master application done soon. I've ran into a few issues, but I guess that everything shall be alright by this weekend. [/quote] Neat.