Juuuust a little something to brighten yer day.

Happy New Year, guys.


[hider=Just some nonsense...]

[center][h1][color=indianred][u]MEANWHILE, AT CASTLE KASIMIR...[/u][/color][/h1][/center]

[color=IndianRed]“Alright,”[/color] Zoey rubbed her hands against her face, obviously agitated and on edge. It didn’t help that red was splashed across her cheeks, and spread out over the living room were various teaching aids - including diagrams. [color=IndianRed]“I know you haven’t had… much classroom time. And you’re getting at that age, where…”[/color]

She gestured helplessly to Malcolm.

[color=IndianRed]“... Where you start to get changes in your body. And feelings.”[/color]

There was a moment of silence at that, as the boy just stared up at Zoey with wide, glowing eyes.

[color=orangered]”Oh God, are we actually doing this?”[/color] Malcolm stated wearily more than asked [color=orangered]”Zoey, I have a front-row seat to the insides of everyone I see, whether I want to or not. [i]We really don’t need to do this...[/i]”[/color] 

[color=IndianRed]“Yes we do!”[/color] The older woman snapped immediately, almost bristling in indignation. [color=IndianRed]“Look, I don’t like it either, but even seeing … all that, isn’t a substitute for everything you need to know. There’s safe sex, and the changes your body is going to go through, not to mention the hormones. Dear god, the hormones.”[/color] Zoey gave a full body shudder, but quickly busied herself with putting a diagram onto the wall, the silhouette of a man.

[color=indianred]“Now, to start off, you’re either going to get incredibly hairy all over, or only be able to grow a pencil stache. Except, er … down … beneath the belt. It’s pretty much guaranteed… plus the armpits… maybe the chest… Don’t cut your nipples shaving, Malcolm.”[/color]

Mal, for his part, just continued to stare up at Zoey with a wide-eyed, but blank expression. Very clearly mildly disturbed by Zoey’s adamance about having this talk.

[color=orangered]”Zoey. We [i]don’t have to do this.[/i] I can literally figure this out by-”[/color]

[color=indianred]“What’s the safest contraception, Malcolm?”[/color]

[color=orangered]”Putting that weird rubber thing over your dong so ya don’t spray those weird tadpole things up the tube-y bit with the egg in it?”[/color] Malcolm answered quickly, just trying to get this over with as soon as possible. [color=orangered]”...Or maybe, y’know, [i]pulling out?[/i]”[/color]

Zoey’s eyebrow twitched.

[color=indianred]“...Pulling out is one of the least effective contraceptions! For one, there’s literally no protection against STDs! Hold on, I have diagrams for STDs too - it’s a slideshow, actually.”[/color]

As Zoey began pulling out yet another series of pictures to place on her wall, she continued talking. [color=IndianRed]“Second of all, you can’t even name them! That’s important! Are you going to walk into a store asking for rubber bits for your bits? … They’re condoms, by the way. Very safe. Can sometimes break though. Best for your future partner to be on the birth control pill as well if they’re female. If they’re male the pill obviously isn’t needed - nothing wrong with having a male partner, Malcolm. Or both, if you’re into that, and they’re into that. Or two females, or two males… really as long as there’s consent anything is fine. Everything is fine. With consent.”[/color]

Malcolm just pinched the bridge of his nose at that, eyes tightly wound shut as he accepted that he wasn’t escaping this conversation.

[color=orangered]”...So why do so many people wear gags then?”[/color] He finally started after a solid minute of silence [color=orangered]”And what’s the deal with all the leather, and the whips and I’m pretty sure I saw a [i]midget on a tricycle[/i] at some point, and-”[/color]

[color=indianred]“I am painting every single house in this city with lead-based paint by tomorrow.”[/color]

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