[u][h3][color=fff200]Alaira Taenn[/color][/h3][/u] 

Alaira was silent as the instructor took her hand. No point protesting, she had to see what the damage was, didn't she? Repairing her flesh wouldn't be much of a challenge, but putting it back in a manner that wasn't arguably just as ugly as it was now would be a difficult task. Child's play for Lidda, but beyond the ken of most students she could intimidate into silence. [b][color=fff200]"I understand."[/color][/b] She said quietly. It was a sentiment she agreed with, of course. She was happy she had lived of course, but she was more upset with herself. She wouldn't be in this mess if she'd just swallowed her stupid pride earlier.

A wave of anger rose in her at Lidda's words. Not at the Vitamancer, more a general rage, kept bottled and silent. [b][color=fff200]"Th-these... These are [i]not[/i] proud scars."[/color][/b] she said, simmering fury plain in her voice as she glared at her hand. She took a deep breath when she'd realized her temper was getting out of control, but it could still be heard. [b][color=fff200]"I got these scars mewling as I was flayed and drowned in my own melting lungs."[/color][/b] She was shaking as she covered her eyes, trying not to lose herself to the memory. [b][color=fff200]"I didn't have to jump into the thing. I could have shot it with a bolt or two and it would have died, I was told. These scars? Stupidity and failure."[/color][/b]

She sighed, stepping back and more or less falling into one of the chairs before her desk. [b][color=fff200]"I... I don't know you. I don't pretend to, I don't pretend that I have it worse than everyone. I'm pretty sure you went through a lot before you got where you are, but... have you ever felt like a monster? A beast?"[/color][/b] She asked quietly, averting her gaze. [b][color=fff200]"And not just looked like one. Been one. I hurt people. It's all I really do."[/color][/b] Her tone was even, flat. [b][color=fff200]"My bloodlust doesn't just hurt me anymore. It hurts everyone around me. People I care about almost died because I just had to set fires and start fights. After it happened, I... I realized that I looked like one too. So I tried to hide it with the bandages. As ugly on the outside as the inside. but..."[/color][/b] She gingerly stroked at her own cheek with her uncovered hand, eyes closed. [b][color=fff200]"Not my face. My face was healed up fine. But it taunts me. Is that what I should be? Or is it just a lie that covers up what I am, like the bandages?..."[/color][/b]

She groaned and shook her her head. [b][color=fff200]"Sorry, listening to my problems isn't your job. I just... I want to change."[/color][/b] There was a sort of choking sound, as if she was forcing herself to speak. [b][color=fff200]"I-I... I want to be better. I need to be, I can't just be a sadistic thug anymore. It's just... easier to start with the outside."[/color][/b] She finally admitted. [I][color=fff200]"Besides... who could want me like this anyway?"[/color][/I] She muttered right after, extremely quietly. She probably wasn't aware she'd said it out loud at all. Her answers to the other questions were far more succinct, at least. [b][color=fff200]"I don't remember, I'm sure there was something I got given, but I was braindead for a few months after they patched me up."[/color][/b] She clicked her tongue at the offer, a look of apprehension crossing her face as well as a somewhat amusing blush. She'd never seen her with a look like that, that's for sure. [b][color=fff200]"I... uh... Do you... want anything else? I could... hurt myself and let them practice?
 I can backfire my lightning and burn myself if I want to..."[/color][/b] Alaira seemed much more concerned with her image than expected.