He wiped his brow of imagined nervous sweat, laughing gently as she sidled next to him.
"And I thought I was going to be in for a verbal thrashing." A boulder of a lump formed in his throat as she told him about her own inner conflict, protesting that she was the cause of their divide. This irked the Champion, who knew all too well that his secrecy was what had caused it. She wouldn't have HAD these feelings if he had just opened up to her, told that he would need some time to process. That was it, wasn't it? Just communicate and she wouldn't be beating herself up for a perceived slight against their relationship. He chided himself even more when she reached out and took his hand, telling him that she would be more than happy to discuss whatever was bothering him on his timeline and all she wanted was assurances. 
"That makes sense, you know. Wanting assurances." He paused, shaking his head with an apologetic chortle. 
"I was finishing my line of thought aloud again. That's going to be a habit that I'll have to break sometime." Clearing his throat, he continued, all the while leaving his hand in hers: 
"You've been patient with me this week and I really, REALLY appreciate it. Voss was...well, not just Voss, but what Manus did was more far-reaching than I thought. I should've shared this with you last week. I know I should've. Especially considering that most of your life, secrecy was used almost like a weapon. Concealed motivations, agendas, backstabbings...and to think I conjured up those feelings in you again is reprehensible. I'm sorry. I promise you that will not happen again." He planted a kiss on the side of her head, drawing her closer by placing an arm around her shoulders. He didn't speak for a few moments, enjoying the moments of quiet solitude that were growing fewer in number as the months went by. Yerbol quietly promised to fix that, affirming the resolution in his mind with solemnity before proceeding:
"It started RIGHT after the vision with the Mystics. I woke up in a daze and I just never felt like I've recovered from the sheer exhaust that accompanied our exit from the trance. The exhaust, though, is symptomatic of something....weird inside of me." He shook his head.
"Bad phrasing. Not weird. Just...empty. Like I was wounded somehow and can't find where exactly the injury is, so it's just kind of bleeding all over the place. Which is morbidly amusing considering that the injury has made me feel numb." He was quick to clarify:
"Not numb physically or emotionally, but...with the Force. Like there's a disconnect between my 'energy' and the larger scheme of the Force as a whole. I mean, I can still USE the Force, but using it doesn't...fulfill me." He looked down at her with a grimace. 
"I've been doing reading, researching as much as I can and I've come up with nothing, which is all the more frustrating. All I can do right now is chalk it up to how much loss we've experienced. Not just with Manus, but..." His gaze drifted to the floor. 
"But ever since we've been fighting together. Just the sheer volume of loss that we've seen, we've contributed to...do you think that might be destabilizing my connection to the Force somehow? That by fighting for the Qyaari ideal of balance that we've become imbalanced? I know that Manus alluded to that a few times when we met with him, but I shrugged it off as trying to unnerve us. Was he right?" His lips pursed together in thought for a moment or two before continuing: 
"Maybe this was why the Sith didn't work. Renso talked about infighting that eventually led to that total imbalance of the Force. I hope for all our sakes that we don't go down the same road. I don't think the galaxy could afford to witness yet another collapse of an order dedicated to the Force." A sigh escaped, leaning the side of his head against hers. 
"But look at me, being so morbid the evening before Voldon's funeral. I think if I told him all this, he would tell me in no uncertain terms that I needed to be stronger and look past the failings of history, to 'seize the present with all of your might' in order to create a better future." That particular saying quoted by the Champion was often heard when Voldon delivered special lectures on Jedi history, attempting to convey to the students listening that while they may be studying the past, it was what they did with their time now that was of utmost importance. 
"What do you think? Am I being a little too reflective?"