[hider=Old Maids]
Valentines Day was textbook modernizing authoritarianism - a holiday that, bereft of other resources or interesting events in human history, was repurposed hastily by the arcane forces of capitalism to represent love. It was all stupid. It was all bullshit. 

It happened to be one of the few things that would ever get Veronique Pressman to make common cause with Viv, though.  Against the two-ton idealistic tandem of Iris Fouquet and Evangeline Sparr, their united healthy skepticism would be necessary for survival. Pressman was already counting on herself to do most of the work on the cynicism front today, anyway; Viv would profess her disgust for the concept of putting a saccharine face on your relationship for a day, no doubt, but as soon as Sparr started her Valentines Day crunches, the indomitable Godhead of Mistral would be drooling over Evan like an emperor-sized chocolate bar. 

Pressman had no such romantic entanglements. 

She had no time for boys who were born without the good grace to seek a girl out and thank her for cruise tickets.

Veronique sat up in bed, pushing her blood red hair out of her eyes and into bushy tufts that hung frazzled around her forehead. The room had gotten hot overnight. The thin pullover hoodie she'd donned for sleepwear was clinging to her skin; she rolled up the sleeves, and they inverted as they climbed up to her elbows. She looked around for any hint of her two degenerate teammates, but thankfully it was Iris - the normal one, or as "normal" as one could get as a seventeen year old, 6'7 mountaineer - that was awake, hoarding a small pile of gifts like a dragon at the bottom of a large whiteboard she'd dragged into the room and scrlbbled on. She could see four block letters spelling out the name of their ragtag unit: VIVE.

But not much else.

[color=662d91]"What are you doing,"[/color] Veronique asked, voice heavy with sleep as she rubbed her eyes, [color=662d91]"or what have you already done." [/color]

Iris turned and beamed, her wide, sunny smile threatening to blind the simmering Veronique. It was good she had her hands before her face; too much contact with the girl from the moutnains would leave her grinning like an idiot too. 

[color=6ecff6]"Ah, good morning, Pressman!"[/color] she exclaimed. [color=6ecff6]"And a Happy Valen--"[/color]

[color=662d91][i]"No."[/i][/color]

[color=6ecff6]"--tines to you too, small fry!"[/color] she finished affectionately, undeterred by the grouchiness of her journalist teammate. [color=6ecff6]"I have big plans for you today! But first you need coffee. Viv is on her way with our orders."[/color]

[color=662d91]"I don't believe in patterns. They get journalists killed."[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"I'm sure if someone wanted to kill you, they'd just get you while you were distracted by all the wonders of college broadband, eh, small fry?"[/color] Iris needled. [color=6ecff6]"Enough pouting, enough pouting! I'm only messing with you, Pressman! We have big plans today!"[/color]

[color=662d91]"I heard the first time. Trust me."[/color] Iris had a voice to match her stature. Honestly...she was a good friend to have. She had a golden heart, pure and gentle, but that gentility went hand in hand with her being a giant too. She was even cute, with bright blue eyes, spiky blonde hair, and a grin that inspired good cheer if you caught it full on, but it was hard enough to get guys interested in a girl who outstacked them in height by half a foot. Getting them to overlook a foghorn voice with a Mistralian accent made it even more complicated.

They really needed to just grab her a date.

[color=662d91]"So, that's Evan in the bathroom..."[/color] Veronique mused, looking towards the sounds of the shower running in the adjacent room. A tank top and shorts were haphazardly tossed against the open door, and before Pressman could even pull herself out from the muggy space underneath her covers, Iris had already crossed the room - when you had legs like telephone poles, walking across the dorm was no big deal - and picked up each article of clothing gingerly with two fingers. They landed atop a mountain of similar garments in the red-colored laundry basket by the door, mere footsteps away from where Sparr had tossed them on her way into the restroom. Three other baskets were arranged in a larger square, like some geometry project - green, then blue, then black.

[color=662d91]"And where's Scarface?"[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"You be nice, she's five days clean,"[/color] Iris admonished. [color=6ecff6]"Viv was kind enough to go out and grab everyone some drinks to start the day! You just wait, we have big--"[/color]

[color=662d91]"Big plans,"[/color] Veronique said in unison with another girl. The other girl finished the sentence, just as snappy as Pressman herself would have been: 

[color=00a651]"How does someone as damned giant as you still have no room for secrets, Iris?"[/color]

Iris laughed that off, waving cheerfully at their returning team leader.

[color=ed1c24]"Viv? Viv, you back yet?"[/color]

The sounds of water running from the other room noticeably stopped.

Vivianne Laurent was indeed back, in all her statuesque glory. She was shorter than Iris by a wide margin, as most human beings were, yet the authority still rolled off her in waves. The February breeze outside had made a mess of her coal-black hair, and she had recently cut it short (she was really inching closer to that closet door by the day, Pressman noted with a wry grin), so her short bangs stuck up in spikes like a quiff. Of course, it still looked perfect. Viv hadn't needed braces and a healthy smattering of freckles to look easy on the eyes. 

Not that it even mattered. Ever since the disappearance of that idiotic southerner, Viv had withdrawn from the attentions of men, preferring to split her time inside a blanket fort with Evan watching movies, the way they insisted they'd done since they were young children.

It had to be a sin against God to commit who-knew-what kind of lesbian debauchery inside a child's blanket fort at the age of seventeen, but Veronique was far beyond questioning her disgusting teammates, and Iris was way too supportive of them to care.

Viv unfurled her leather jacket and produced a wrapped chocolate croissant. They were Sparr's favorites, and no doubt Evan would have been ecstatic to learn where Vivianne had been keeping it warm for the winter. Christ, Pressman was rapidly considering a murder-suicide by defenestration.

[color=662d91][i]Cuffing Season! Budding Huntress Arrested, Called 'Public Menace' After Attempted Valentines Day Massacre![/i][/color]

[color=00a651]"For Evan, we have a venti mocha with whipped cream and a chocolate croissant,"[/color] Viv called out. [color=00a651]"Get them while they're hot!"[/color]

Evangeline Sparr acceded to that demand happily, bursting out of the bathroom wrapped up in two towels, one around her body and one disguising her trademark purple hair. One of those towels had to belong to one of her teammates, and it wasn't a reach to guess who. Disgusting. Pressman clicked one of the colors on her Dust-powered fountain pen, wondering whether the sensation she got from ramming it through her own skull would be the same one that Viv experienced. 

[color=ed1c24]"Happy Valentines Day, Viv!"[/color] Evan said adoringly, towel butting into the side of Viv's head.

[color=00a651]"Uh-huh,"[/color] their team leader replied listlessly. [color=00a651]"For Pressman, we have a vanilla bean-whipped cream blend frappuccino with chocolate syrup and a blueberry scone."[/color]

[color=662d91]"...[i]Merci,[/i]"[/color] she said begrudgingly, reaching out for the foods.

[color=00a651]"Extra-large strawberry-banana smoothie, no food, for Iris..."[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"It's how I start my day with a smile!"[/color] Iris exclaimed, grinning widely. None of them bothered to point out that she hadn't taken a sip yet.

[color=00a651]"--and a cafe au lait with a Mistralian yogurt,"[/color] Viv finished, taking a sip of the only drink she hadn't dispensed to her team. [color=00a651]"It's disgusting in the coffee house this morning. Hearts and cupids everywhere. The barista drew my name with a heart over the [i]i.[/i] Dullard."[/color]

[color=662d91]"Wow, yeah, fuck him, huh?"[/color] Veronique grumbled sardonically. Hearing hot girls complain about attention was one of the many things that she hated this holiday for. You didn't hear weathermen bitching when they chose not to bring umbrellas to work on rainy days, did you? 

Vivianne fixed her glare on Pressman and rolled her hazel eyes dismissively. 

[color=00a651]"I'll take your opinions on my attitude into account when you crawl out of bed, Pressman. I paid for your disgusting fake coffee, too, by the way. If you're going to [i]be[/i] a leech you could at least try not lying around like one." [/color]

[color=6ecff6]"Hey, I just finished getting her to be nice!"[/color] Iris complained. [color=6ecff6]"You be nice too! We all have b--"[/color]

[color=6ecff6][i][b]"Big plans,"[/b][/i][/color] the rest of the girls repeated in unison. Only Evan looked remotely enthused - but Iris made up for the general malaise of the team, motioning to her dry-erase board flamboyantly.

[color=6ecff6]"I'm glad you girls brought that up!"[/color] she said cheekily, waving one arm at the board and displaying their team acronym to all the girls present. Pressman finally followed Viv's instructions and pulled herself out of bed, resting her bare feet on the floor and enjoying the touch of the cool wood. Evan was staring at the board curiously, as if she was trying to guess what the acronym could possibly spell out.

Like they hadn't already been through this song and dance before. Like they didn't already know what the hell they had signed up for just by virtue of being Iris' friends.

[color=6ecff6]"Ladies, as you know, we're all still single this year--"[/color]

[color=00a651]"Oh, my fucking God..."[/color] Viv groaned under her breath. Evan nodded at Iris sympathetically, but not before giving Viv the side-eye of an entire epoch. For her part, Pressman just hissed through her teeth; it was the closest thing she could do that wasn't a sigh.

She sat right behind him in Dust Apps and he never even turned around. She'd done all but light that damn hair strand on fire.

[color=6ecff6]"--so, in that spirit, it's time to embrace the [i]real[/i] meaning of Valentines Day--"[/color] [color=662d91][i](capitalism??? Iris never struck me as a class traitor...)[/i][/color] [color=6ecff6]"--and embrace our love for each other, as a team and as sisters! Ladies, welcome to our 5th Annual..."[/color]

Iris put her hand on the top of the dry erase board and spun it hard; the board flipped close to two dozen times before finally landing with its other face directed at the team, who could now see that the acronym stood for exactly what they thought.

[color=6ecff6]"...Very Inclusive Valentines Eventapalooza!"[/color]

[color=662d91]"You know, Iris, every year it's pretty fucking pathetic,"[/color] Pressman mused aloud, [color=662d91]"but I think counting the years makes it even more soul crushing. Is that just me?"[/color]

[color=ed1c24]"Nope."[/color]

[color=00a651]"No."[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"No, small fry, but let's put that aside and have some fun today anyway, okay?"[/color] Iris trying to pump them all up was par for the course, but this year she seemed to have something else up her sleeve. She was still standing in front of that mound of heart-shaped boxes, trying to hide them from view; maybe it worked on Vivianne and Evangeline, but Veronique was still positioned near the beds, and could see them from behind Iris' legs.

[color=6ecff6]"Now, this year is a special one for the Eventapalooza! As we all know, Veronique's in love this year, isn't that right, Veronique? Congrats!"[/color]

Iris directed an innocent look at the other half of their team, who seemed to catch the message.

[color=f7941d]"Congratulations, Veronique,"[/color] they droned in unison, though only Evan looked enthused about it. She gave Vera a thumbs up and winked cheerfully at the glowering, freckled redhead.

[color=ed1c24]"It's not so bad, Pressman!"[/color] she said encouragingly. It didn't help.

[color=6ecff6]"But more than that, we've all been friends [i]five years.[/i] Five years! Isn't that crazy?"[/color]

[color=662d91]"It's also horseshit,"[/color] Pressman interjected bitterly. [color=662d91]"We've all been friends maybe [i]one[/i] year, tops. Viv bullied me all through Sanctum for my braces, and Evan stood there and watched."[/color]

[color=00a651]"You looked like a Battlebot,"[/color] Viv said defensively. [color=00a651]"It was all in good fun."[/color]

[color=662d91]"I tried committing suicide."[/color]

[color=00a651]"Oh, please, don't be dramatic. It was like an eight foot drop. You tumbled off the bleachers [i]sideways.[/i]"[/color]

Iris' stare was hardening as she looked at Viv; the team leader looked at the big girl sullenly and rolled her eyes.

[color=00a651]"She [i]fell,[/i] anyway! She had those ridiculous Chuck Taylors with the long laces and tried--"[/color]

Viv seemed to realize that the eyes of her entire team had now fallen upon her, and that there was no arguing her way out of this one.

[color=00a651]"Fine, fuck it,"[/color] she grumbled. [color=00a651]"We've been friends for five years."[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"Uh huh,"[/color] Iris drawled, still looking at Vivianne skeptically. [color=6ecff6]"Anyway, so in commemoration of a half decade as sisters in arms, I decided that a little gift giving was in order. Since no one wanted to bite on my Secret Santa idea at Christmas, I decided to take the liberty of setting up a Clandestine Cupid for Valentines Day. And, just to make sure there was no wriggling out like at Christmas, I contacted all your parents. Since, I'm sure you all know, they were all teammates, they thought it was a great idea to strengthen our team dynamic! That made it easier for me to convince them to transfer money out of your trust funds for use on presents this year."[/color]

[color=00a651]"Wait, [i]what?[/i]"[/color] Viv snapped. Evan's eyes just widened. 

[color=6ecff6]"Don't worry, Pressman, I paid for yours,"[/color] Iris added with a sweet grin and a wink. 

Pressman was quiet for a second before shrugging. She was the only girl who wasn't making out like a bandit through her parents in some fashion or another, so she wasn't vexed by the idea of someone embezzling funds from the spoiled princesses she shared a team with.

[color=662d91]"Works for me,"[/color] she said simply. [color=662d91]"But wait, none of us made wish lists."[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"Yup! I saved all of ours from Christmas and bought a bunch of gifts from there at random. Everyone has to go through the pile, pick out a box that has your name in the "from" section, and then gift it to the person you chose. You can pick one gift this morning and one gift tonight, and then everything else is getting donated to the less fortunate! Isn't that great?"[/color]

[color=662d91]"Works for me,"[/color] repeated the less fortunate, raising her hand impishly as if to ask an instructor a question. [color=662d91]"Does that mean I can get all the ones marked 'to Pressman?'"[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"Don't overdo it, small fry, we all know about your cousin the social media magnate."[/color]

Veronique's hand dropped slowly as her pout grew more pronounced. 

[color=6ecff6]"Okay, we all got it?"[/color] Iris asked cheerfully, rubbing her hands together for a couple seconds before clapping loudly enough that she could have caused an avalanche had she been mountaineering. [color=6ecff6]"Aaaaand go pick your presents!"[/color]

The two teammates that scrambled for presents were exactly the ones that one would expect; Iris picked hers with abandon, only stopping once to focus on Evan and tell her that she couldn't pick more than one present for Viv. Sparr sulked back to her perch beside Viv, and Pressman heard some faint whispering from Viv that sounded suspiciously like something to do with putting on something besides her towels. From the way that Sparr's lip had almost puffed out to her chin, Veronique was willing to bet she'd heard correctly. Then Veronique herself broke the standstill between herself and Viv, getting down onto her knees to pick out a few presents for each of her teammates. Viv went last, reluctantly, with a baleful glare up at Iris as she lowered herself to the ground. 

When all the girls were perched on their beds with gifts, Iris the Ruler-class took command of the gift exchange again.

[color=6ecff6]"Okay, so how this is gonna work is each girl will take a turn picking one of the presents she chose to gift randomly,"[/color] explained the tall blonde. [color=6ecff6]"One person gets one gift per rotation - so Viv gifts to me, I gift to Evan, Evan gifts to Veronique, Veronique can gift to Viv, for example. And when they open it, we have to tell that person why we want them to be happy in the year ahead! Everybody got that? Good! I'll kick it off. This one goes to...Veronique Pressman!"[/color]

Instead of tossing the gift, Iris leaned over with one tanned arm outstretched and dropped a large, thick, red-and-pink-wrapped rectangular prism onto Pressman's legs. Vera looked up at Iris suspiciously, fully expecting to unwrap this and be met with a dirty bomb on a ten-second timer, and began to slowly open the present. When she did, though, she felt instantly guilty for doubting the generosity of her teammate.

[color=662d91]"Iris, I..."[/color]

[color=6ecff6]"Blu-rays!"[/color] exclaimed their referee. [color=6ecff6]"I was thinking of ways you could impress a Shiroyaman, and I figured that you could brush up on a little anime knowledge! I know that you don't exactly develop crushes easily, so...I really want to do anything I can to make this one work out for you, you know? There should be three or four series in there, I uh, didn't really know what to pick..."[/color]

[color=662d91]"No, this is..." [/color]

Veronique's voice was caught in her throat a little. She felt absurd for being emotional about something like this, especially since she was the one who was reacting first; that said, she was glad that now everyone else wouldn't be tiptoeing around getting her something, or that one of her moments of gratitude would be the grand finale of this first rotation.

[color=662d91]"Thank you, my friend,"[/color] she mumbled gratefully. A bashful smile crept up on her face. [color=662d91]"These are great. They'll work great."[/color]

Maybe it would be worth giving that dumb boy a shot again. She could dazzle him with her patrician taste...

Unless he was seasonal trash...

[color=ed1c24]"To Iris Fouquet! Iris, you're one of my best friends, and you've always been there whenever I needed to vent a little. I hope you like my Valentine!"[/color] Evangeline exclaimed, breaking her out of her thoughts. [color=ed1c24]"Wait, Iris, did you choose your own gifts too? You know what I'm giving you already?"[/color]

The big girl giggled innocently, dropping her present onto her lap and tearing into the box with none of the grace that Veronique had. She popped open the box to cries of revulsion from the rest of the team.

[color=662d91]"Cheater!"[/color]

[color=ed1c24]"Wow, unfair!"[/color]

[color=00a651]"Disgusting."[/color]

Iris giggled louder as she untied the ribbon that connected her [i]two[/i] gifts, a large box of gold-label milk chocolates falling to the bed as Iris inspected the climbing axes that had been the larger of the two presents.

[color=6ecff6]"I can't wait to hit a summit somewhere with these...thanks, Evan,"[/color] she said cheekily. Evan had her arms crossed and was trying to look serious, but there was a giggle that was already winning the fight with Sparr's serious face. [color=6ecff6]"Next up, to Vivianne Laurent! Viv, you're a hard girl to love, but when you get there, it's one of the most rewarding experiences of a lifetime. You're cool, charismatic, fearless, and there's no one else I would trust to lead us in the years ahead. Be my Valentine?"[/color]

[color=662d91][i]Iris has all the advantage here,[/i][/color] Veronique realized. [color=662d91][i]She's the only one who knows what each and every present is. She's just playing around with us.[/i] [/color]

Viv's Valentines Day present was large and soft-looking; their team leader's long, elegant fingers were pressing into the gift through the wrapping. She unwrapped it and took a second to stare at the pillow that fell out, unamused, before spinning it to face the rest of the team:

[b][color=00a651][i]CRACK IS WHACK[/i][/color][/b]

[color=00a651]"Ha ha,"[/color] Viv intoned emotionlessly, even as Iris and Sparr burst into giggles and even Pressman cracked a wide grin and a small chuckle. [color=00a651]"And last, and less than fucking least...Evangeline Sparr. Here's where I come forth and admit that I cheated, too."[/color]

Evan froze in mid-laugh and turned to face Viv. She had developed a thick skin over the years from Viv's insults, and had stopped learning to take any of them personally when it became obvious Viv meant none of them. Still, she was curious to see what Viv had to say. So was the rest of the team, if they were being honest with themselves.

[color=00a651]"I slipped a gift in while Iris was in the shower,"[/color] she explained, a contrite look on her face. [color=00a651]"I looked at the board and guessed how this entire tacky affair was going to go down, and I had been meaning to give this to you anyway. If it meant getting through with this sooner, all the better." [/color]

Viv produced a book-shaped present from her Valentines stash and tossed it, underhand, onto Evangeline's bed.

[color=ed1c24]"You..."[/color]

Their fearless leader broke off, watching Evan's fingers trace the front of the present and slowly start to unwrap it.

[color=00a651]"You are my only friend, but that doesn't mean I have to be happy about it,"[/color] she said candidly. [color=00a651]"You are a drooling, incoherent, emotional mess. You're a danger to society. You still can't really do basic geometry or algebra. You're so rich you've never learned to balance a checkbook. I've had to sit back and be subject to a quarter of a lifetime of you fucking up and dragging me down with you...and I hope for three quarters more. Enjoy your present, my Valentine."[/color]

Evan looked at Vivianne for a long moment and then unwrapped the present. It was, indeed, a book. Viv mumbled some quip about Evan not even needing to learn to read, but no one was listening.

Sparr's eyes were growing misty as she flicked through the pages. Each one was plastered with pictures - pictures of two girls, distinctive in their beauty and the unchanging, dual nature of their expressions. One was always smiling; the other was always cold. But the pictures spanned the course of twelve years, and the sheer number of them spanned dozens of pages."

[color=00a651]"I had child labour make that scrapbook,"[/color] Vivianne said hastily, in a voice only slightly louder than her hushed insult. [color=00a651]"I didn't put in the effort myself or anyth--"[/color]

Evan tried to stifle a sniff, and she did it poorly. In the next second, she had launched herself over the space between her bed and Viv's, hugging her best friend tightly and burying her towel-shrouded head into the collar of Viv's expensive leather jacket. Viv opened her mouth to complain about the possibility of tears getting into the material...and then closed it, smiling up faintly at her subordinate and pushing a loose strand of wet hair back underneath the towel.

It was a sweet moment, and one which had left Iris and Pressman almost entirely forgotten. Neither of them seemed to mind.

[color=662d91][i]Loose strands of hair...[/i][/color]

It was turning out to be the least intolerable Valentines Day of Veronique Pressman's teen years, at the very least. She might try and make something of it later on. They could watch Blu-rays together if she didn't binge all of them in one go.

Or, she decided, watching Viv pull Evangeline down into a tight hug, she could do something about Luke Schwarz tomorrow, and just spend today with her friends.

There were a lot of presents left to get to.
[/hider]