[h2]March 14th, 2XXX[/h2]
As the next morning rolled around, each fighter awoke- or remained awake, if it mattered- to find that they’d each been left a message on the nearest phone. Whether that was their cell phone, or a landline, it transpired that whoever picked it up was inevitably the intended recipient. Consequently, they were privy to the following texts and/or voice messages:

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[h3]The Murderous Three[/h3] [@Old Amsterdam][@Lady Selune][@TheRedWatcher]
Tch... looks like I’ve been... stuck with you......
Guess I’ll have to teach you all “the ropes”................
Don’t cry if you can’t handle it.......... The “assassin’s life” isn’t for everyone......... but you all have the “money” you need for your first “fight” at your level... and only your first...
“The Heretic”... your rank is 124... and your next target is... “Asterisk Hash”... or one of the guys above her... “Redbone”, or “Maria Slant”... so pick “Asterisk’s building”... or the “subway” to the “graveyard”... or “Destroy Stadium”...
“Kraken”, you have a “rank” of 143... and your next target is... “The Maiden of Bones”... but you could also pick “Iron Lobster”... or “Heckfire”... go to the “Necro Lab”... or “West Santa Destroy”, or “Area 51”........
“Chroma”, your next target is... “Ruby Dragon”... tech... looks like you don’t get a “choice” here.............. Go to “Destroy University” to fight her... if you see “The Savile Fist”... well... don’t...
You are all....... VERY likely to die... but as the CEO says... “Trust” your “Force”... only the strong die old...
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[h3]The Witching Hour[/h3] [@Gardevoiran][@AngelofOctober][@Regitnui]
Well, aren’t you guys unfortunate? Not only do two of you have members of The Murderous Three breathing down your necks right off the bat, but one of you only holds to the name of the team ironically! Admittedly, that one was a deliberate crack on my part, but whatever.
Anyway, you’ve all been given enough funds to get to your next fight, though after this, you’ll need to earn your keep honest-like. Maiden, you’re at rank 142; assuming Kraken doesn’t decide she wants to try and kill you immediately, you’ve got a choice of either The Iron Lobster or Heckfire to go after - assuming you get to your choice before she does. You’ll want West Santa Destroy for the crustacean, or Area 51 for the fireball.
Silver Prowler, you’re the lucky one here! Not only do you have the highest rank out of everybody, 112, but you’re about safe from The Murderous Three for now too! That also means you don’t get a choice in who you fight next, though: your target is Shippidge Cuddles, and you’re gonna need to fly out to the so-called “Cuddle-Puddle Bitch Hole”, formerly Smiling Souls Correctional Facility in New York state, to catch up with him. The private jet’s been set up at Santa Destroy airport. Have fun with that.
And as for you, Hash... your rank is 123. If the Heretic doesn’t decide to take you out early - oh, and I hope she does - you’ve got either Redbone or Maria Slant as your target. Pick one, preferably not the one Heretic picks, and go either take the subway to the local graveyard, or head to Destroy Stadium.
And to be clear, if Kraken or Heretic decide to try and off one of you guys? Yeah, we’ll tell you.
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[h3]The United Force[/h3] [@Dogematix][@A Lowly Wretch][@Irredeemable]
A fake ghost, a Victorian brawler, and a drug addict. A less united force I could not conceive of myself. Heh.

You’ve been wired the money necessary for your next fight, so you’re aware. After this, you’ll have to pay your own way into each battle.

Savile Fist, you’re rank 199. The lowest in the experiment, for reference. Speaking of experiments, look for The Scientist in the cryo lab of Destroy University. You may encounter Chroma at the university too; if you do, ignore him.

Omnivore, you’re at rank 130. You’ll find Rainbow Stakes in the Bow and Arrow Theatre.

Whiteout, you’re rank 146. Maxi Million is in one of the skyscrapers in the Destroy Central Plaza; you’ll get more info on which one precisely when you get there.

Trust your Force, and head for the Garden of Madness.
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Anyone checking their bank balances after this would find that they were an appropriate amount of LB$ richer than they had been before, just enough to pay for entrance into their first official ranked match - save Blitzen, who had earned extra to the sum of a single LB dollar after slaying the lower-ranked assassin without being asked. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that such a sum, whilst technically a lot of money, was also a pittance compared to how much she or anyone else would earn by actually trying to rank up.