[quote=@PsyKick] [b][hider=Shadow Craft][img]https://78.media.tumblr.com/7e28b050efa0ab78cfad13b2d9b86574/tumblr_n85wtzLRlx1sgx5dto1_500.jpg [/img][/hider][/b] Vaega can draw power and create from his shadow's essence, this is the art developed and practiced intensely by his ancestors. The art of Shadow Craft allows the individual to be independent, creative, and above all, holy. A true master of this art is considered an, Ethereal. The Ethereal Mysar are holy in the sense that they are one with both their light and their shadow essence. [b]Restriction:[/b] [i][u]Mental/Physical Exhaustion[/u][/i] [/quote] While you gave more details, not enough for me to get a clear picture of what this ability does. For example, you stated he can draw power and create from his shadow's essence, but that just makes more questions. -Does he create life? I will note creating life is a big thing and I don’t think I would approve it without a long, detailed ritual. Which for combat, is not advised and considering the limitations in control… not likely best. -Is it a form of construct magic that uses his shadow as a base? [indent] If so: -What can it make and not make? Can it make simple things like walls or weapons, like spears or armor? Or are there more complicated things it can make things like guns, living golems, etc? What things can it just not achieve on its own? [/indent] -How solid are these things? [indent] -Are they solid to the touch or more shadow like? [/indent] -Does he change in this form? I mean his physical being, is it more like a shadow or still solid? -What does this do to his host as a long term thing or does it do nothing at all? [indent] -If he is, is he more affected by magic in this form? [/indent] [quote=@PsyKick] Mental/Physical Exhaustion[/quote] -How much does this affect him after he uses it? Does it put him into a coma for a few hours, does he just crumble unable to think or defend himself? -How long does it last before these effects kick in? Keep in mind, most conflicts happen for anywhere between a few seconds to under half an hour depending on the type. A minute would easily keep him safe and give you several posts (most which I guess to be about 6 seconds on average in a fight scene, give or take depending on the scene and intentions of it) for a combative scene. This is actually something I forget often myself when I was first getting into pbp roleplaying, but remembering it helps and gives me a base for how long I want an ability to last without trapping myself in a crappy situation. It can also alter over the course of the rp, with milestones in the IC and conversation with the GMs. [quote=@PsyKick] [b]Telekinesis:[/b] Vaega may expand his mental consciousness and focus it toward an object, giving him the ability to control it. There are limits to how much and what he can lift, and how long. [b]Restriction:[/b][i][u]Mental/Physical Exhaustion Limitations, Medium Proximity, Weight.[/u][/i] [/quote] -How much weight at max? There’s got to be a limit over all. Can he lift a car with it or anything lighter than a draft horse? Can he lift a 200 pound prized bull or only as little as a poodle? Be specific, please, it helps me know what he can lift and allows me to detail this in posts for hints toward things he can interact with without literally telling it OC or auto fail your attempts, disrupting flow of the scene. If I feel it’s too much, I will likely ask for it to be tailored back a bit then suggest a range. -How far exactly? Medium proximity isn’t much to go on considering I can imagine medium proxity being the size of a football field compared to whale length being farthest or mediuming being say 16 m compared to a olympic pool size (50 m total). Think in distance for his limits. How far can his ‘mind’ reach? [quote=@PsyKick] [b]Transmutation:[/b] Vaega can create objects out of necessary materials that are equivalent to the desired creation’s specifications. This can only be utilized if the materials are available, and if there is sufficient time to generate the object.[b] Restriction:[/b] [u][i]Charge, Situation Dependent[/i][/u][/quote] [indent] -Is this limited to any item or what? This is complicated because I feel his essence couldn’t affect any magical items. So I’m going to go ahead and judge this magic only works on normal, everyday items. I might suggest you give examples how he uses it, like does he turn lead into gold? Does he shape a pin into a needle or what. -How does mass affect this? I’m also going to ask you to consider mass/weight in this spell because I rather you didn’t turn say a needle into a car. I would suggest that you when turn an item (or things) into another thing, they have to be of pretty close mass/weight for balancing purposes. This makes it doable but also more challenging so he’s literally not changing something like Loom’s land into a sea. -How much time does it take? Hours, minutes, or what? Specific time helps a lot. I might suggest you have the larger the object, the more time it takes it. Something like a car, if you can get that much weight/mass in one place, takes nearly an hour or two to fully complete. Feel free to rephrase this into your CS, even elaborate based on what I told you. -Can he still multi-task while doing this or does it leave him helpless? Is it used in combat, or best outside of it? Not all abilities need to be combative able, Holly herself has most of her ‘magic/abilities’ non combative but still able to be used in the rp. Considering this and determine if it would be best as a combative or none for your purposes. [/indent] [quote=@PsyKick] [b]Invisibility:[/b] Bael can dissolve Vaega’s presence when he desires to, but can only do so for a few minutes. Eventually, because of Bael's limitations within the metaphysical plane of existence and sharing a body versus gaining complete control over it, he will need to give up his focus or he runs the risk of disrupting his connection with Vaega. [b]Restriction:[/b] [i][u]Short Duration, Charge.[/u][/i][/quote] -When he moves, does it cause a wrap in light like Predator does? See Youtube vid below if you don't know Predator for example. [youtube]https://youtu.be/Xr2Mq_aAYB0[/youtube] -How short of a duration? Recall what I said about combat lasting short periods of time usually, and use that to determine the best duration time. -How long or number of posts for it to charge? Again, specifics. [quote=@PsyKick] [b]One Organism, Two Spirits:[/b] Now that Bael’s spirit inhabits Vaega’s body, his reflexes, strength, speed, visual acuity, and overall control of the independent muscles in his body have increased dramatically. [b]Disadvantage:[/b] [u][i]Psychological; one organism has a difficult time holding two spirits, unless they can harmonize.[/i][/u][/quote] -How much have they increased? Human x1.5, x2, x10, or what? If you’re not fully sure the exact number, give examples of exactly how much he can lift, how fast he can run, how fast is his reflexes, etc. Do some research over various speeds of things you think he might as fast, strong, etc over then use them as a base for numbers. -Psychological: I don’t really honestly understand this one. Are you telling me that the two are completing for the body’s control, and if so… what happens? How does it become a disadvantage? The main issues I have with your abilities is that you’re not being specific, rather you’re just adding more vague things on top of already vague descriptions. It leaves me with more questions than answers. I don’t know if you’re worried the GMs will mess with your limits enough to screw you over in the IC, because that’s not our intention. Our aims isn’t to kill your Character when we approach these limits. It’s more to force your character to depend on others or seek out others when they otherwise might not or prevent them from affecting key plot stuff if we need to. First I want to see your ideal max limits, see your own specific ideas for limits for these things, before making any changes if I need to. [quote][u][b]Notable Belongings:[/b] [/u] [b]Mysar Jeweled Onyx Necklace - “Gate Key” (1 of 9):[/b] The Gate Key or Gate Key(s) are jeweled and stoned pieces, each imbued with various essences of the original Mysar. It is said to be the Key to the Gate of all Mysar knowledge, it is also said to protect those who wear for they are reinforced by all essences of the Mysar. I suggest you insert the explanation for this from the chat into your CS. Mostly so we can locate it easier and most the important information is in one area. [/quote] [@Virani] I assume her abilities are human, olympic level? Aka, peak for her. If so, accepted on my end. Syn still needs to check it over, but you’re halfway there. [quote=@The Narrator] [b]Glamour:[/b] Glamour is the ability of the Fae to make one thing seem like another. These things do not only look another way, in a crude way they almost are. A Fae like Redwood that hides behind glamour does not only seem smaller, he is.[/quote] -Does this work on everything, or just non-living things? -Does he have to focus to retain it or cast once, then it wears off over time? -How long can he do that? -Does Iron negate it? [quote=@The Narrator] [b]Contracts:[/b] The Fae cannot create. This is an ability withheld for beings of divine heritage. Fae can only change things, their power comes from words and stories. This is most obvious with their ability to use contracts. A Fae use ancient contracts made with the natural by long gone Fae to make nature do their bidding. A Hedge could be asked to grow into terrible form or the ground to open up and shallow someone.[/quote] -First sentence confused me, do you mean they can’t create things? I ask this because creating and establishing contracts is obviously creating something. :P -How does a contract work? -How is done? -What is needed for it? -Is it a ritual or simple handshake? -Do both parties need to be in agreement? -What creatures do these extend to? Just plants and animals, or does it extend to humans, Angels and other Demons as well? -If it’s just explaining how he can control nature, are there limits based on the contracts of old? What are some of the things he can’t ask of the ‘Hedge’ to do? More clarity with this ability would be helpful for me to understand it. -What happens when a contract is broken? [quote=@The Narrator][b]Pledges:[/b] Like in the Fairytales of old a Fae can use language and words as their weapons. Accepting a deal with a Fae is binding by their strange laws. [/quote] Alright, this description can be read in various ways. Either his words actually can hurt someone (like him learning and using your name to cause pain) or he can use his words similar to Skyrim’s words of power, which means casting various types of spells. See youtube video below for one example if you’re not familiar with the reference. (I’ve so wanted to do that to Lydia a few times… trust me when I said it was hard not to.) [youtube]https://youtu.be/0yv4BFfWoro[/youtube] Could you go into a bit more detail? This would help me limit down the questions I will ask next in my second review. [quote=@The Narrator] WIP [center][i][color=1a7b30]"Redtree, Redtree By your name he will bind you Redtree, Redtree in his world none will find you" [/color][/i][/center] [/quote] Should likely finish this before I can accept this. :P [quote=@Naril] [b]History:[/b][/quote] As I’ve mentioned before, I’m curious about her history. Namely her childhood, who made her, and why Maddy was chosen out of any possible choices. If you rather not reveal that publically, a small summary in a pm to the GMs would be nice. Mostly so we can possibly develop a NPC from her creator or other possibilities. Creating life is hard and takes a lot to do so. This means we also need to account for how he did it and make sure it doesn’t ruin the Lore established for Essence, which I can think of a few ways that wouldn’t hurt your story at all. [quote=@Naril] - You're A Wizard, Zee: Zafira has an intimate connection with the currents and movements of magic through the worlds, a result of being conjured from raw magic by Maddy's prophetic destiny. Her command over that power extends largely into the realms of channeling power for defensive magic (shields and wards) along with lightning-flavored evocations. With time and effort, she's also capable of making various enchanted gewgaws, but that process is very time and labor intensive. Though she is considerably skilled in the Art, the more power Zee channels into any particular working, the more physically and mentally taxing it is on her. She is entirely capable of blacking out from this exertion.[/quote] -I’ve never seen the word gewgaws until now. I had to look it up… it’s good, lol. -So would continually tossing magic exhaust her? I understand she’s a powerful mage from this ability, but I’m also trying to see what type of fighter she is and what might bring her limits close to surfacing. -What happens when she starts to reach her limits? Does she get weak and wobbly or does the blackout start? -How much power could her shields hold up against? Even a guess would be helpful -With the lightning evocations, I assume she just shoots lightning from her palm or does it take on other forms, yet still classed like lightning? Like example… can she taser someone without killing them? Can she use impure water to shock someone? Can she produce enough lightning to recharge say a car battery? Can she control where it goes or does it just shoot straight? [quote=@Naril] - Hard to Kill: She isn't stronger than a run of the mill human, and she isn't faster, but Zee is absolutely tougher than it seems like she ought to be. Not that she'll be shrugging off broken bones and bullet wounds, but the machinery of her body is harder to damage than even an exceptional human. She also heals from injuries more quickly, and more completely, than her neighbors, but that's cold comfort when she's still waiting for a broken arm to knit back together.[/quote] -Define how much faster than a human? Is is like x1.5, x2, x5 or x10, or could you use examples like it could take her a week, half a month or three weeks to heal a broken bone while it would take an average human a whole month or more to heal the same bone. Also, how more durable? I imagine she can’t literally take a car at full speed to the gut, but can she be sent through a brick wall and merely just have bruised or sprain wrist/ankle? Some examples of past injuries and their effects might help me understand her limits with this so I can give your Character some challenges without nearly killing her. [quote=@Naril]- Someone to Watch Over Me: Zee still is a guardian angel, and has found she can attune that to other people at will. That connection becomes more significant with time, but gives her a subconscious awareness of an increasing number of things about the person's life. That includes things like knowing whether someone (or something) wants to hurt them, where they might have left their keys, or whether the family curse is real. She also can take no action to harm that person, and is compelled to actively defend them if they are in genuine danger. Over a long enough span of time (years), fate will [i]ensure[/i] she's in a position to help. This connection is voluntary, and Zee can terminate it when she wants to (for example, at the end of an engagement with a client).[/quote] -How does she active her attunement? -Can she attune to more than one? -You might want to define how fate will [i]ensure[/i] she’s in a position to help, like a few examples so we can get a sense of things for plot related reasons. It might also help other players figure out how to draw your character into their own plots in the future or presently. [quote=@Naril] - Fashion Swordward: Swords aren't exactly common fashion in the 21st century, and Zee usually doesn't actually carry hers. Instead, she summons it to her hand with a thought - provided she hasn't been caught in a magic circle, is under the effect of a drug or alcohol, or the ring she's made for this specific purpose isn't sitting on her dresser. The sword itself is similar to a European hand-and-a-half sword with a wire-wrapped hilt, balanced perfectly for her size and build. The entire weapon is adorned with bright silver design work, which is [i]mostly[/i] decorative. It can be taken by others (Zee can only dismiss it if she's holding it), destroyed, and damaged, and is not normally a holy weapon.[/quote] -You mentioned mostly decorative. This caught my eyes and if you’ve got secrets you don’t want to reveal on the public CS, please pm them on the site to the GMs. This way we can be aware of them and players can’t accuse you of adding something to your CS, that wasn’t there originally. I originally assumed the non decorative are why she can teleport it into her hands, but I could be wrong. This is why I mentioned the bits above. [quote=@Naril]- Foci: Some of Zee's jewelry are also potent foci for the kind of magic she's most proficient at. This includes charms to make shields easier to project, a complicated bracelet on her right wrist and palm for guiding lightning bolts from her hands, in addition to a pair of earrings that help not leave her concussed and deaf from the thunderclap. She can still do magic without them, but it's much, much more taxing. These objects were specially created by her over a period of weeks or months, and she does not have spares.[/quote] How many does she have exactly? I have ideas with this… >3 [hr] Alright, Syn still needs to look through the CS for one last skim through. However, I covered the heavy stuff on my end and should help you with edits. IF you’re confused or need more information, don’t be afraid ask questions, for information, etc. I’ll help the best I can.