[@SleepingSilence]

[hider=response]Waif is actually absolutely the word to be used there, but there's background to it that the reader doesn't have, so fair enough.  It's a nickname, drawn from when Amune was an orphaned child, but since it comes at the start of the sentence, you can't see the capitalization properly.  You've caught a number of careless goofs (oops).  And yeah, we did go over the limit -- though I specifically asked about it.

I actually was playing with doing dialogue naturally.  In narration I try to be a bit tighter, but I've been working on making spoken (or thought) words less formal and more natural.  Unfortunately it's bled into my narrative voice as well, since I tend to write from the perspective of a character and use their voice even if they're not actually speaking.  Still, I'm thrilled to hear that you liked the dialogue from both [@NEvix] and myself.  Makes me feel good to hear something I've been working on is improving.  ^.^

I was not entirely happy with the ending, but we procrastinated -- and a lot of it was trying to cut it down to 7k, which was never going to happen (I think I managed 9kxx or so before I got through to Frizan and got the go ahead to just post whatever).  Given that there are a number of /very/ close bonds in the story -- Leia and Illy; Leia and Edric; Edric and Duncan; and then the two men and Amune -- it was the goal to explore those relationships, and some of the problems that occur when a person is caught between two different ones.  My personal conclusion, and what I hope was taken away from it, was that sometimes there's not a good answer that wraps everything up neatly.

Thanks for your feedback.  <3
[/hider]

[@Kalleth] and [@Zelosse]
[hider=details]I agree with Silence that you guys have the best range and most interesting vocabulary of the entries here.  I think the world you're showing a glimpse of is the most interesting between your story and Goodbyes, and there appears to be a lot of thought put into details that may not turn up in the story proper.  It has the feel of a piece of something larger, but overall I'd say in a good way -- a way that makes me want to read more things from you two.  I love detailed lore that goes beyond a story, and you guys either did that, or faked it well enough that you deserve praise anyhow.  (Faking it is an art form in this instance.)

There's a sense of trust that's more than just friendship between the two chars, though it's not entirely clear where that came from.  I've got a weakness for characters that end up pushing people away to keep them safe, as well as for ones that struggle to remain human (for a flexible definition of humanity).  The conversation itself could use a little work, but I think these two speak with more than just their words.  Using alcohol to lower inhibitions and as a reason to seek out company was a solid choice -- and it gave rise to a few pieces that wouldn't have happened otherwise, making the whole thing feel a little more natural.  I'm curious as to what the future holds for this world.[/hider]

[@BCTheEntity] and [@AngelofOctober]
[hider=details]The premise here was great, but something for me fell flat somewhere in the early middle.  I can't quite place my finger on it.  It could be that I'm just not a fan of something entirely sans fantasy.  It could be I have had too many friends lose people this month.  It could be that the odds of the last day party lining up with his actual last day seems a little contrived without some sort of specific explanation (and one that probably would detract from the story itself, alas).  Killer ending, though.  Erm, no pun intended?  ^.^;;  Much like Silence said, a solid ending can more than make up for all kinds of shortcomings, and as someone who has trouble with endings unless I have a very solid idea of what I want, I have to applaud that.

I can feel how far these guys go back, and how much their friendship means.  The concept of using a last hurrah to showcase different things they'd done over the years was a clever one.  It was also notable that they couldn't do all those things, because they've changed --
 something worth including, and very fitting for the slightly melancholy feel despite their best efforts to make it otherwise.

And again.  That ending.  A solid kick in the feels, especially right now.  Well done.[/hider]


Voting-wise, I've never been any good at selecting a winner.  I enjoyed reading them both, and I'd really have to be picky to choose one over the other.