[@Renny] [quote=@Renny] [@jynmi88] I fixed the first mistake. As for the abilities, its not adhering to a single class of Zanpakuto. I did change his enhanced strength to be restricted to his armored arm though. And also switched up his Shikai ability. [/quote] [quote=@Renny] [hider=Saishu Yoake][center][img]https://i.imgur.com/1YTZEXA.png[/img][hr][hr][/center] [b]Name:[/b] Saishu Yoake [b]Age:[/b] 70 Years. [b]Personality:[/b] Much of his past has followed Saishu to Soul Society. Most being his mannerisms, quirks, and overall tendencies from before his death. Saishu while not an overachiever is a resolved man that despises being told "he can't" do something. That hasn't changed since his death. Though it had been mostly strangled upon his rebirth. Rukongai gave him a certain edge. It made him street smart and crude, a bit pessimistic but mostly pragmatic. While being carefree can come off as lazy to his peers, he has refused to adhere to anything he doesn't agree with, which meant, yes sometimes breaks were necessary and other times they were deserved. For some reason, too much work really leaves a bad taste in his mouth. [b]Backstory:[/b] Saishu Yoake fought his ability to sense the supernatural during his time in the living. Up until he died himself and was reborn in the Soul Society. As a young spirit learning the ins and outs, he had been under the impression that dreams rarely came to those in the Rukongai. So when he was approached by a maiden soul reaper of the 12th Division he was skeptical. All his afterlife he was told soul reapers were protectors of the natural order. He felt insanely lucky just to bump into one. Even more to discover he was being scouted for his "youth and reiryoku" which was whispered to have been uncanny. Two years later and he was finally emitted into Gotei 13 academy. [b]Strengths/ Weaknesses:[/b] As a soul reaper in the Gotei 13 Saishu is an exemplary warrior for his age. He excels mostly at Zanjutsu and Hoho, must preferring to strike as fast and hard as possible. On the other end of the spectrum he has absolutely no skills in Hakuda and only marginal abilities in Kido. He's been told to focus more on his Kido and to give Hakuda atleast a try but he's stuck to mastering Zanjutsu and Hoho, if only to make his presence on the battlefield that much bigger. [center][hider=Inner World][img]https://i.imgur.com/JFbPyPW.jpg[/img][/hider][/center] [hider=Zanpakuto] [center][img]https://i.imgur.com/IBwXvNe.png[/img][hr][color=#D0D3D4][i] "How feeble my love for you is. You who is so imperfectly formed, half understood, and poorly cherished. You whose soul I share."[/i][/color][hr][/center] [b]Name:[/b] Yidrias (イドリアス, First Son) [b]Release Command:[/b] "Revolt," [b]Shikai Appearance:[/b] Upon speaking Yidrias' release command a black aura surges down the blade and up the hilt respectively. Once the energy fades a long jian, its blade shining of a cobalt material, rests in Saishu's hands. It spittles a black, white splattering aura from its double-edged blade at all times; exudes a choirs' hymn with every twist and swing. Oddly enough along with the guardless jian comes a gauntlet of the same make. On his shoulders rests a rugged, black, cowl that falls to his mid-back. [b]Shikai Ability:[/b] Yidrias is a unclassified-type Zanpakuto that doubles the physical strength of his armored arm and allows him to create fiery black clones to attack, defend, and support with during combat. Saishu has discovered by communing that its abilities revolve heavily around rebelling or limit-pushing. [b]Techniques:[/b][list][*]Techniques [list][*]Seven Rebellious Sages - Yidrias grants Saishu the ability to create up to seven cloned swords. These swords are capable of levitating and is just as durable as Yidrias. They can be moved by his will. [/list][/list][/hider][/hider] [@jynmi88] Sorry for disappearing. I was taken on a two day excursion lol. I'm back now. [/quote] The backstory is good to go now, but there's still issue with the shikai's ability. Of course, a shikai doesn't have to fall into a single type, but usually they do tend to have one core ability from which all secondary abilities are derived. From what I can gather, your character's shikai has three. Revolt, dark fire clones, and increased strength in his sword wielding arm. Now, I'm fine with the increased strength section because it's so basic and is limited to one arm, but the revolt and dark fire clones are two different abilities that each have potential to branch out over a wide area. So I'm going to have to ask that you select one of those, or find a way to make it so one of the abilities falls in with the other. [@BladeSS4] [quote=@BladeSS4] Let's try this again. Sorry about the grammar mistakes, My grammar does suck from time to time. I do improve though or at least I try to as I go. Always trying to reread things before posting them, but yeah, this is far from the best character I have created. Hopefully with the changes i made to the ability of the shikai will be better now. As for your other conserns, the number 2 point, I wasnt planning on making Bakuto a vizard. The hollow stuff I added isnt suppose to lead to being a vizard it is to explain his more chaotic personality and to explain why he might have quirks as the rp starts to move. As for the third consern, I changed the zanpakuto's shikai ability as i said before.. Going with something hopefully a bit more acceptable. Going for a more of a wind enhanced zanpakuto instead of the reashi manipulating one that was before. Going to leave room for the characer to grow as the rp goes on hopefully [hider=Bakuto Hokori]Appearance: [center][hider=appearance][img]http://i538.photobucket.com/albums/ff345/colsar1/naruto%20bleach%20%20ninja%20and%20one%20piece%20%20characters/Sou_Reaper_OC_by_JLoneWolf.jpg[/img][/hider][/center] Name: Bakuto Hokori Age: 150 Personality: Bakuto has a rather eccentric personality, during 'official business' he tries to seem stern, respectful and the kind of person who follows the rules and order of the soul society, when alone to do what he returns to his true personality. He is slightly unstable, and a bit quirky. Doing things the right way isnt his way, if he can get a job done better doing it another way then he will whether it be a harder way or easier. Bakuto loves to fight hollows, and being surrounded by them just so he can kill more of them. The more hollows he has to fight the happier he is. While he does like fighting other soul reapers he prefers fighting hollows as he doesnt feel like he have to hold back and he can fight without worrying about killing an ally. Bakuto also likes a good competition whether it be gambling or some sort of physical sport to just plain fighting. Bakuto is very competitive and hates losing. Bakuto always likes to keep 'updated' on what happens in the world of the living, always trying to find some reason to go there even if it is a very petty reason. Bakuto has a slight dislike to kido based zanpakutos. While he does find them impressive he believes the sword should be used like a sword and not like a magical wand or something along those lines. Bakuto is a bit 'broken' from time to time he will go from being normal to very aggressive. He also is a bit unstable often doing things thought to be 'crazy' or abnormal. Backstory: Bakuto isnt a 'Genius' but he possesses the genius gene. Bakuto was brought into the acadmey at the age of one hundred and forty, he died from the world of the living at the a very young age but it wasnt until one hundred years later he was found and put in the acadmey. Bakuto was eaten by a Gillan level Menos and survived three days inside the hollow's stomach. The hollow was killed and he fell out of the hollow out of the suprise of many soul reapers. Bakuto's own spirit pressure kept him alive but yet he felt more like a hollow after this day. His spirit pressure was very simlar to that of a hollow and he couldnt. What was differnt he possessed the gene that the project was drafting soul reapers for. He was watched when he entered the acadmey as it was worried he might turn into a hollow but he didnt. He was found to excell in brute force and rash thinking and throwing around spirit pressure. He lacked in a lot of other areas, Kido being the main thing he was terrible at. He also cant sense spirit energy very well but he can track hollows better then most. He was put into the 'genius' program and he was at the bottom of his class. Bakuto finds it funny remembering back to this he was the 'dumbest' person in his class and now he is in this 'genius' program. Strengths/ Weaknesses: strengths- Expert at hand to hand combat, weapons expert and moderate spirit pressure control. Scythe Master Great Endurance. Great cook Weaknesses- Cannot sense normal spirit pressure, cannot use kido expect for his zampakuto's own attacks. Terrible sense of direction gets lost easly if not directed by someone else who knows where they are going. Zanpakuto [hider=Zanpakuto Inner World and Spirit][img]https://static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/11113/111134319/5030969-0021021595-tmTAx.jpg[/img][/hider] Name: Kazeyoke Release Command: Wind, rises and tears the sky to sunder Kazeyoke Shikai Appearance: [hider=Zanpakuto appearance][img]https://vignette.wikia.nocookie.net/camphalfbloodroleplay/images/3/37/Scythe.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110817043803[/img][/hider] Shikai Ability: Kazeyoke is a wind zampakuto, this sword or rather scythe in cases itself with wind enhancing its damage and destructive power, with the amount of destruction wind can cause. The only thing Bakuto can do is coat his sword in wind to enhance its current power. Techniques: Flash Step/Shunpo [/hider] [/quote] Okay. Your character is accepted now. Just try and keep an eye on the grammar from this point on and things should be good.