The first time Ryan picked up a guitar, he knew what he wanted to do with himself. Before, he'd really just been listening to his dad's country radio and Blink-182 and miscellaneous punk bands - but a hundred-dollar guitar-and-amp set really actualized his dreams. He showed Brendon that he could sort of play, and it was settled; Brendon was already basically a musical prodigy, had everything they needed to eventually be successful. It was just the two of them for a long time, and Ryan liked to control the singing aspect occasionally in the beginning in that he'd at least try to be the lead on every song unless it was proven that Brendon's voice fit the lyrics better (they usually did - Ryan didn't deliberately try to write as anything but confident, and that's all that Brendon embodied). Mostly, though, they worked together with ease, no real conflicts because both of them were new enough that they didn't have any pre-planned concepts anyway.

Other people bunched themselves in over time, or they naturally separated and rejoined each other; basically the band's history was a mess and not easy to follow at all. Ryan couldn't even tell the full story of their lineup or their existence in general without getting mixed up. Somewhere between all of it, everyone took their own creative direction, and everyone but Brendon managed to stay on at least a similar path. To be fair, Ryan saw it happening; he just didn't have the guts to step in and ask Brendon to try and incorporate his new sound into theirs rather than separate entirely. Because of his own shyness it eventually came between [i]all[/i] of them. Spencer was more on his 'side,' for obvious reasons, and Dallon could kind of blend between the two of them but he never just accepted the changes. It didn't draw a noticeable divide, lucky enough, but the difference was palpable whenever they tried to come together to actually make the music. 

In an effort not to mess things up entirely, Ryan never said anything. The pop-punk/emo/baroque sound of his earliest songs were in the past completely, but he was still stuck in his gentle indie sound phase - all of these genres, however, he left out of their writing sessions, figuring if he suggested his own writing or composing these days it'd get knocked out. And besides, it's not like he didn't like what they were coming up with  (rather, what Brendon was coming up with, alongside few suggestions for improvement). He just wasn't great at playing any of it, and his backing vocals didn't match well anymore. He kept his hopes up, nevertheless, because maybe in the future they'd move on to a new concept that he could go along with again, and all their tastes would be realigned. Or they'd all be able to compromise on ideas. That sounded a little monotonous, though. Ryan tried not to focus on how impossible the band seemed to be these days.

[i]Ryan?[/i] In fact, he wasn't thinking about it right then, 'cause everything at home with him and Brendon was fine. They could curl together all day like this any time with no issue (kind of - sometimes someone got a dead leg or whatever) so whatever was happening with the band that seemed like the end of the world suddenly didn't matter so much. Feeling Brendon rise, though, Ryan turned to look at him more closely, registering the vague apprehension in his face and knowing that this was probably not going to be good. [i]I need to talk to you.[/i] Definitely not. Ryan's mind jumped to the worst places first, as per usual, and he started sitting up more, too, giving Brendon his full attention - admittedly not much of a change from before, but still. 

[i]I’ve been thinking recently, how.. How it’s mostly me, writing music and singing and shit, and...[/i] Ryan kind of anticipated this in the back of his mind all the time, but still. He didn't think the conversation would ever happen. As he realised what Brendon was bringing to light he let the elbow propping him up go out, resting against the cushions again. [i]I was just thinking, it would make it easier if you were like, officially removed from the process?[/i] Ryan wondered how he got the words out, mostly. Wouldn't have been able to himself. [i]'Cause like... I don’t know, you don’t really make a-[/i] Ryan sort of bristled, watching Brendon catch himself and thinking that it was best he stopped there. Not to mention the fact that he was deliberately not looking at Ryan. That was probably for the best, too. He was very good at putting on a blank expression and was doing that now, but for Brendon, that was probably the same as Ryan looking outright pissed. [i]Not just you. Dallon and Spencer, too. You could still, like, play live and all that. Touring members.[/i]

Ryan paused for a long time, staring at Brendon like he was waiting for the punchline, then rolled to the side so that no part of their bodies were touching anymore. [b]"That's great,"[/b] he said to the ceiling. [b]"That's really good. You know, I [i]have[/i] always wanted to be a touring member for the band I started."[/b] He realised he sounded kind of childish responding like that when Brendon was making an honest proposition and looked over again, his lips pursed somewhat apologetically. He dropped his voice to a softer level momentarily. [b]"I'm sorry."[/b] He sighed to himself, shaking his head disbelievingly, but not really. This wasn't a shock or anything - he just thought the end would come more naturally, definitely not by Brendon himself. [b]"You're not going to, like - try to compromise or anything? Or go solo rather than kicking everyone else out? Have you even thought this through?"[/b]