A greasy man in a hazmat suit gently stirs a glass of mountain dew before drinking it through a complex series of stuck together silly straws. He takes a sip. He takes a longer, harder sip. After several uncomfortably quiet minutes the liquid finally reaches his mouth. He disconnects the straw system from his suit in an attempt to look elegant, but it breaks down and splatters soda all over the hardwood floors. He makes no effort to hide or notice this. 

"Welcome to the guild." He says, in a muffled voice. "No one ever introduces themselves like you just did and I plan on using this format to the fullest." He quietly begins to pick up all the straws from the ground to take another sip.