Where did it start? What made me fall for you? I don't really know. 

Maybe it was that half smile of yours, or the way that your laugh lights up your face as well as the room that you're in. Perhaps it was the way that it was so easy to talk to you about anything and everything. Your love for dogs didn't hurt. The way that you talk about the things that you love and care about.... I could listen to you go on all day about it. 

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. You'll never see it. But if you did, by some miracle, you'd know that I was talking to you. Because you are the only one that I want to talk to. The person that I [I]need[/I] to talk to. The only person that I care for. And honestly, that scares me. Because one day, there is going to come a time where you will get tired of me pushing your buttons. A day where you wake up and realize that I'm not worthy of a second of your time. And I don't want to lose you. I [I]can't[/I] lose you. 

Every waking moment of my day is filled with the though of you. My nightmares are filled with losing you - in some way, shape or form. I couldn't bear it. I can't bear it. Waking up in the middle of the night, the blankets kicked off my bed, screaming, but no sound coming from my throat. I'd never want you to see me like that. Ever. Hence why I keep things bottled up inside of me. I don't want my demons to consume you like they have me. I've seen the way that you act when I tell you these things; heard the panic in your voice. I want to protect you from me, of all things. So why is it that I keep letting you get closer and closer? Why don't I just push you away? Sometimes I think that would be better.