While it was kind of shocking to see Brendon mostly upright and contentedly singing along to his favorite artist, it wasn't the first emotion Ryan felt upon seeing him - actually, it was regret. He seemed like he was in a much better state than he left in, and, in fact, a much better state than Ryan had seen him in in a long time. He'd certainly seen him more energetic in said time, but that was when he was drunk, and judging by the clarity in Brendon's features, he was sober. Or just relatively sober. Sometimes the lines got blurred to Ryan. Besides, Joey probably had a watchful eye over him, so Ryan figured there was nothing in the way of relapse to worry about, and maybe Brendon's hosts had been gracious enough to help balance his mood, too. Seemed that way from first glance.

So, Ryan regretted coming instantly. Maybe if he'd stayed away a little while longer Brendon might have actually made a full recovery. Maybe he'd have come to the conclusion that he was, in fact, better off without Ryan around, and then all of Ryan's self-critical theories would have been proved. There was part of him that argued it was best that he got here now before he lost his chance to come over at all (or his courage, which took painfully long to gather up), but that was the most selfish part. He might've turned around, even, wussed out and gotten into his car and driven home, if Bogart didn't immediately light up in response to his presence. If they spent more time apart than they already had, it'd be detrimental to more people than just the two of them (or, well, from the looks of things, just Ryan). The dogs would suffer further, their mutual friends, everyone they worked with. Ryan didn't realise just how much his circle was shared with Brendon until this, truthfully.

When he started talking, Brendon looked oddly prepared for it, resigned already. And then when Ryan heard himself sounding more and more like a monotonous, generic break-up card, Brendon thankfully saved him from continuing. [i]Ryan, stop.[/i] He did. See, this was why he needed Brendon around, otherwise he'd have no other cue to shut the hell up. It was hard to ignore the shortness of his tone, though, the barely detectable hint of annoyance, and Ryan instantly straightened a little like a cadet being scolded. A poorly-trained one, but still. He wasn't particularly comfortable with continuing to make a fool of himself, realising how dumb he was acting in real-time. He had been given time to think it all over and still no improvements had been actively made despite him dwelling on it all constantly. [i]Knowing[/i] the mistakes and what he [i]wanted[/i] to do to correct everything was different from putting it all into action - he just had to think beforehand, calculate it all like he did with everyone but Brendon, but find a middleground where he didn't put a guard up at the same time.

[i]Don’t apologise. What else were you supposed to do? Stay with me in sickness and in health like you promised at our wedding? That would be asking too much.[/i] Ryan stared at him and would probably have his mouth hanging open stupidly if only he wasn't deliberately trying to avoid that. As it were, he kind of deserved that; no point arguing it. Like he'd already realised - his logic had been flawed all along. Even if he believed he was making said 'sickness' from their vows even worse by sticking around, he had to have put a plan in place that would settle as a better substitute for his presence. A month and a half ago, though, all he'd been thinking about was how to get the hell out of Brendon's way as quickly as possible because he was afraid. [i]Anyway, I wasn’t alone. I got Joey.[/i] Ryan was torn between thinking that that was good and kind of loathing Joey for his crucial role in Brendon's life, but either way he could tell Joey overheard everything thus far and was quickly making an escape at the mention of his name, judging by the sound of a door swivelling closed. Evidently, Joey was in trouble, and Ryan was not supposed to be here.

Brendon's subsequent smile actually hurt. Ryan knew the difference between fake an genuine smiles from him; this one was unclockable in all its ease. He tried to match Brendon's nonchalance, lifting his head like it wasn't weighing him down anymore and counting his breaths carefully. [i]Anyway, how are you? Doing okay?[/i] Ryan opened his mouth, unsure whether to reply truthfully or lie and say he was fine or anywhere along the lines of fine, but he was saved from answering right away by Bogart finally running towards him after all this time of containing himself. Still pale and clammy, he couldn't bring himself to naturally smile or bend down to give him attention as quickly as he usually would. [i]How's Dot?[/i] Ryan kept his gaze steady on Brendon, trying not to let his face betray his feelings, and finally dropped into a cross-legged position on the floor to shower Bogart with attention. [b]"We're all right,"[/b] he said carefully, lifting his chin when Bogart wouldn't stop licking his face. He hugged the terrier to his chest, distracting him by toying with his paws. [b]"She misses you."[/b] Ryan wasn't looking directly at Brendon, but by the glance he tried to discreetly throw his way, he more accurately meant 'I miss you.' That was a little harder to say out loud, though.

Ryan sucked in a breath, sounding a little difficult, and then let Bogart go, clasping his hands in his lap even when Bogart circled him in search of more of his time. [b]"You look good,"[/b] he said to Brendon after a pause, definitely meaning more 'you look like you're getting over it' than 'you look handsome' or any real compliment. [b]"Listen, if... if that means you're doing better here, then I just - I want you to stay as long as you need to. Okay? Even if that means you won't be back for a while, or."[/b] Ryan hesitated, not sure he could say the word 'forever,' but the heavy implication did it for him anyway. Instead, he sighed heavily, running a hand over his face and hoping he wasn't making too big an ass of himself. Saying anything like 'I love you' or 'I miss you' or anything guilt-trippy would just make any sort of reunion feel wrong, like he forced Brendon into it, so he tried to stay away from it. [b]"Anywhere where it's easier for you to get better. I understand if it's not with me - I mean, I know I'm kind of shit at this."[/b] He tried a wry smile, which sort of got across, but couldn't keep it up for longer than a moment. He quickly reverted back to the half-carefully flat expression, half-worried one he'd adopted.

[b]"You're my priority, Bren. I never wanted to... to [i]desert[/i] you, the way I made it seem. I just want you to be whereever you're happiest, and, and... well, based on how I handled things, I don't think that with me was the happiest place to be,"[/b] he said, half a smile touching his face, purely cynical. He supposed that he also should have considered, at the time, that a clinical detox was necessary, and the [i]power of true love[/i] or whatever wasn't going to cure Brendon. But of course he only caught on to the alternative months on. Since this was pretty clear to both of them now he didn't bother bringing it up. [b]"Sorry, I know I won't shut up, just. What I'm trying to say is, I'm sorry for being so unhelpful through all of this, and I want you to take as long as you need, okay?"[/b] Ryan pursed his lips, then finally scratched under Bogart's ear if only to have another place to look than at Brendon. None of this was coming out exactly how he wanted - maybe he should've written it down first and read it off some fucking index cards, or something. At least the gist was getting across. [b]"I just wanted you to hear that. I know it doesn't fix anything, but... and I guess I- wanted to see you. I'm so glad you look better."[/b]