It's currently one in the morning as I slide my fingers quietly across the keyboard, careful as to not make any noise. The dog sleeps at the foot of my bed, and the house is quiet except for the gentle clicking of the keys. My room is quiet, dimly lit from the light of my laptop. I'm not sure why I can't sleep. I don't seem to be doing much of it lately. My thoughts are consumed by that of which I can barely explain to myself, much less anyone else.

I get up and walk across the cool floor, opening the blinds as I look at the moon and stars - a sight that has always comforted me. I wonder if you ever did the same. Look up at the sky and think of me, I mean? Truth to be told, you probably don't think of me no where near as much as I do you. 

There are a million things that I want to say. Could say. [I]Need[/I] to say. To clear the air and my mind. The truth is, I know I've all but lost you. You were, and still are, one of my greatest friends. The one that I could tell anything to without being judged. Our conversations could go from casual and goofy to serious and dark and then back again in a matter of seconds. I always felt that you understood me. No matter what happened, you never got angry with me, even when it was blatantly my fault. Even when you should have yelled... you never did. I know that I've let you down. By not telling you everything... by not always being there. I've tried my hardest not to break that promise, but yet I still feel you slipping away from me. Every conversation that we have anymore is nothing but small talk, it seems, and it pains me to my core. How come I can't talk to you like I used to? 

I'll sit here on my bed and take a deep breath. I know you're better off without me.