Ryan’s interpretation of his relationship with Brendon was very simple: undecided. In fact he did his best not to give it much thought at all, beyond their first meeting. He was kind of obvious about his minor first-sight crush then but never worked up to any invitations out, at least not specifically romantic; once Brendon was really starting to integrate into the band as if he’d been there the whole way through, Ryan knew he had to get over it. So he pretended that every little charming thing Brendon did didn’t throw him for a loop, convinced himself that Brendon bringing his lyrics to life wasn’t the most incredible feat ever, etc. It’s not that he felt bad about it or ashamed - he was long past high school insecurities - but the potential backfire of him acting on his feelings was a little too scary. After all he’d put his entire goddamn soul into this band and splitting it down the middle right when things were looking up would probably break him.

Despite his efforts, Ryan was somewhat transparent. Even if he never said anything incriminating, he still looked for slightly too long, carried himself more carefully around Brendon, generally treated him with a bias. He probably would have closed himself off to the other two more than hung around them had this cabin trip only involved the original trio, for example. Brendon was easily the light he gravitated toward for warmth - or that’s the corny metaphor he tended to use in his head, anyway. Spencer caught on within the first week and never let him live it down, rolling his eyes when Ryan turned down an invitation over and making a lighthearted comment about his ‘new best friend.’ Jon was a mystery - he looked all-knowing, but then again he did with everything, and maybe Ryan was fooling himself. If he did know, he was nice enough not to comment. Brendon, he assumed, wasn’t totally blind nor completely ignorant to his own allure, so he must’ve had some inkling if not total awareness of the situation. Ryan himself had no idea what to think Brendon might feel for him beyond a sense of fond companionship, because he didn’t want to get his hopes up or believe in a dream out of his reach, nevermind all the signs of it being plausible. Namely, the exact same tension in the air that surrounded them now.

[i]Don’t let them see us like this.[/i] Ryan grinned, mostly amused by the idea, ‘cause they’d just get a bunch of jokes at their expense rather than get in any trouble. Maybe. Ryan wasn’t totally convinced Spencer wouldn’t call him an idiot for getting too invested. [i]I have heard them ask why you’re flirting with me. They know I’m not deaf, right?[/i] Ryan looked at Brendon with surprise at the word ‘flirting,’ wondering how he could be so [i]direct[/i] when they danced around each other all the time. He laughed softly, the sound catching in his throat, then shrugged the shoulder opposite Brendon as casually as he could. [b]”You noticed?”[/b] he asked in jest, shaking his head and trying to suppress his nervous smile. [b]”Dumb question, anyway. The reasons ‘why’ are pretty obvious.”[/b] If Brendon could say that stuff so easily Ryan supposed he could try his hand at it as well.

[i]Three minutes is a long time, actually. I’m kind of offended.[/i] Ryan laughed again, short and easy, because that was way closer to sounding like Brendon’s natural personality. In fact, all of this was getting much simpler to navigate. [i]I dunno what it is. I just... I like being near you.[/i] Scratch that - that wasn’t simple at all, because Ryan definitely felt a rush of warmth at that despite the vague chill around them. In his case he definitely knew what it was: his dumb, clearly massive crush that he’d ignored and accidentally let grow beyond his control this entire time. He didn’t realise it was that bad prior to this conversation, though. And admittedly he may be completely foolish for playing along to his affection fueled whims, what with very nearly cuddling Brendon and delivering the most obvious lines in the history of ever and stealing his glasses to wear himself. At least he was more confident in Brendon maybe possibly reciprocating than he’d ever been previously. 

[i]I Have Friends In Holy Spaces.[/i] Even the title sounded brilliant. Ryan made an effort to not look too enamoured, and luckily Brendon wasn’t looking at him anyway. [i]A song. Or, part of a song. Sounds kind of dumb when I say it out loud.[/i] Ryan shook his head immediately, knowing he was occasionally too critical and wondering whether he should comment at all. But he only really had issues when, as a band, they were all coming up with awful ideas, and Ryan’s patience with the prospect of teamwork was running short. This, though, was fine - he was pretty sure Brendon could show him something that looked like it was written by a three year old and he’d think it was revolutionary. So, yeah, he kind of held Brendon on a pedestal. [i]I don’t really know... What it’s about. Does a song have to have a specific goal?[/i] [b]”It doesn’t sound dumb. I really like it,”[/b] he said honestly, turning his head best he could to Brendon, speaking mostly to his hairline. [b]”I never know what I want to write, honestly. It’ll start out as one song, then I realize that I’ve been writing about two different subjects, and suddenly I’ve got two new songs in progress rather than one.”[/b] He looked amused despite how annoying that process was, like he’d conveniently forgotten the entire frustrating day. Ryan looked off again at the water. [b]”Stream of consciousness. But - I don’t think you’ll have a problem writing lyrics, considering you have a natural talent for everything else musical.”[/b] He was going on for too long, probably, but it was far easier than addressing what the hell they were doing. [b]”What do you have so far?”[/b]