It registered, a little belatedly, that they kind of looked like newlyweds-though-not-wed, and Ryan took far too long a moment to entertain the idea of them being [i]boyfriends[/i], and finally landed on knowing full well that he was in trouble. Firstly it was way too easy, especially considering that not much seemed to change in his head. The only thing was, he’d feel way more welcome to act like they were now in public, arms wrapped around each other, Brendon’s head against his shoulder. And, as much as he tried to shake the fantasy from his head, he thought that he might finally be allowed to kiss Brendon. That in itself was enough to make him go silent out of concern he might say something he really shouldn’t, playing it off like Brendon’s change in tone was nothing at all. Embarrassingly these sort of unrealistic ideas passed through his head way too often - it was too easy since Brendon looked like he’d give the greatest kisses on the planet, and he was always biting his lip, and. Ryan forced himself to forget about it.

Sometimes he couldn’t remember why they avoided it so much. From the looks of it they were already perfect, had never gotten into actual conflict or been outright angry at one another; seven months of friendship was easily a whole other universe from them dating one another, though. Hard to reason with himself about that when all he could think was [i]what if it isn’t different[/i], or, more specifically, [i]what if nothing goes wrong?[/i] He couldn’t see them finding reasons they suddenly didn’t like each other, or come to any sort of incompatibility; after all they’d had plenty of time to figure that stuff out and it just hadn’t happened. Sometimes Ryan thought Brendon was too good to be true, that he - the band, even - didn’t deserve to have someone like him around, but that was about it. Wasn’t even a real issue, just a matter of fact. The more time they spent alone with one another, the more he convinced himself that it’d be all right, with no consideration for how the others might feel. 

[i]Before you judge me too harshly, remember I’m a beginner.[/i] Ryan thought he was kidding for a moment, and when he realized he was dead serious, began to doubt this whole ‘huge ego’ claim. He nearly came right out with admitting that he’d likely never judge Brendon on anything - he’d scrutinize Spencer and Jon endlessly since they threw it right back anyway, like a running joke - but then that’d draw more attention to his already obvious favoritism. Brendon thanked him in the softest voice ever for his candor and Ryan thought that he needed to start working very hard to build Brendon’s confidence up, at least lyrically. There was another passing urge to just show him how much he meant through physical means, but those he already knew fairly well how to ignore. Thinking Brendon might read his thoughts on his face, Ryan turned his gaze down to his feet momentarily, trying to entertain thoughts of any other kind. [i]I’d sing a little for you, but my voice is a little rusty. Can’t give a bad impression, my job is at stake here.[/i] Ryan rolled his eyes, though he was grinning. [b]”[i]Sure.[/i] Your ‘rusty’ is probably still amazing.”[/b] At this point he knew he sounded like he was sucking up, but couldn’t help it. Saying what he thought for once kind of led to that. He didn’t push, though, figuring that within time Brendon would sing it for him, then maybe they could perform it together... 

[i]Thank you, Ry.[/i] He bowed his head in a ‘no big deal’ motion, following Brendon’s attention to the sky and finding that even at the beauty of a sunset in the mountains met with a comfortable level of rain, he preferred looking at Brendon. When he turned again, trying to think of more absent conversation to pass the time with, Brendon was already reaching to take his glasses back. Ryan let him, then froze up when he took probably both of them by surprise by almost cradling one side of his face. Ryan had half a second to wonder what the hell he was going to do, whether what appeared to be happening was something he should stop in its tracks, but the unexpected sense of security Brendon’s gesture brought him made it an easy decision. He didn’t quite lean in or even respond to the kiss at first, semi-convinced he was imagining it, but after a moment’s hesitation he responded, tilting his head and cupping a hand in Brendon’s hair to deepen it. All the worries about messing something up, either with just Brendon or with the band as a whole, melted away, and instead he had an internal celebration over the fact that he was very much correct in predicting that Brendon was a gifted kisser. 

When they broke apart, awfully brief but still enough to throw Ryan for a loop, he wasn’t sure what to say or do. He kept his gaze level with Brendon’s, expression more at peace than ever, and was saved by Brendon speaking first. [i]I think I’m in love with you.[/i] Ryan was still, not having even considered the conversation coming to this (but then again he hadn’t anticipated a kiss either), but it was easy. He’d dwelled on it for half-seconds and any time he forgot to restrict his thinking; he wasn’t totally sure what love was supposed to feel like, or what ‘in love’ was, anyway. Through everyone he’d been involved with and claimed to love, he realised he might’ve been very wrong once he took his very new, unfamiliar feelings for Brendon into account. It was more than a fondness, but something that kept him grounded, hard to explain. Ryan didn’t have to think, only paused out of surprise that Brendon was admitting to it, before responding himself. [b]”I think I’m in love with you, too,”[/b] he said carefully, sounding a little far away. 

That was sort of bullshit, though. Ryan shook his head lightly, suddenly breaking into another smile. [b]”Actually, I am. I’m definitely in love with you,”[/b] he admitted, relieved laughter touching his voice. He thought distantly that he should probably be more worried about saying that and freaking Brendon out, but. They’d come this far. He smoothed his hand over the nape of Brendon’s neck again, like he couldn’t believe he was allowed this close. [b]”We’re idiots.”[/b] Clearly he was still dwelling on the fact that it took them so long to say anything. Nevertheless he leaned in again, placing another careful kiss against the corner of Brendon’s mouth, and another on his cheek - now that the metaphorical door was basically open he figured there was no reason to hold back. [b]”You have no idea how much I’ve wanted to do that.”[/b]