((Prequel discovered a few months after the end. Adding it in for completion even though the rest is still missing.))
Kaelyn looked out the window. She could hear drops of rain pattering against the window. Lights from outside the dorm illuminating every drop. It was quiet. Peaceful. But it didn't come without a sense of unrest. Uneasiness. Her entire world felt, mostly quiet. But there was still that soft droning in the back of her mind. That ever growing ache in her heart. The body next to her made her feel warmth amongst that lonely cold.
 
She moved around underneath Landon's arm, looking at him.
 
"Are you awake?"
 
"Yeah." Landon's reply was short and in a soft voice. He was staring up at the ceiling sadly, deep in thought. He wasn't sure what emotion he should be experiencing. Happiness? Sadness? Regret? Anxiety? None of them seemed right, but at the same some all of them did. He felt all of them, but at the same time he felt nothing at all. Void of emotion, yet inundated with it.
 
"Why...?" he began, his voice trailing off, leaving the question incomplete.
 
His voice was soft, and he seemed deep in thought just like her. She wondered if he felt any of the same things.
 
"No reason... just wondering." Kaelyn said, trailing her finger down his chest. She put her head against his shoulder, resting there. But, she couldn't help but finish her curiosity. "Actually... I was wondering what you were thinking. About... what just happened."
 
Landon fidgeted uncomfortably beneath the covers. "I don't know," he replied. "You and I both know that this..." He paused and searched for the right words to say.
 
Shouldn't have happened?
Was wrong?
 
Neither of those seemed right, and he assumed Kaelyn would get upset with him, even if she knew he was correct.
 
"That this will cause complications," he decided.
 
She put her finger to his lips. "No, none of that." Kaelyn shook her head. Complications. That word implied thinking. Thinking was something she did not want to have any part in in this moment. 
 
"Don't think about it. No complications."
 
Landon sighed deeply. He hated this. He could understand why she wanted to avoid talking about it, but they'd have to face it inevitably.
 
Then, suddenly, Landon began to do something he hadn't done since he was a kid. He began to shake slightly as tears began to stream down his cheeks.
 
"I'm no better than my mother," he said in small whimpers.
 
Kaelyn felt her heart drop when Landon sighed. She knew what was coming couldn't be good. It was never good. But, when he started shaking and the tears fell down his cheeks. It was too much. The emotion in front of her felt gripping. It was suffocating.
 
The words that came out of his mouth tore her heart out. She felt guilty about what she'd done. She felt terrible about what Landon must be thinking. 
 
She touched his cheek. "No... no... Don't compare yourself to her. You made a mistake..." Kaelyn stopped. A mistake? It hurt to think about.
 
"It... It's not your fault."
 
"I'm weak," he said, not moving except for his constant trembling. He felt like there was blackness where his heart should be. He suddenly realized that his life would always be like this. Trying to move on from Kaelyn, finding someone else, and then always going back to her when she was around.
 
"I told her," he said, his crying slowly turning into sobbing. "I told her I'd never cheat on her... Now look at me."
 
She tried to rub him, comfort him. Anything to stop him from having this outburst. Kaelyn used to not cry and she had let him see her have outburts. Seeing him break down like this, it was too much.
 
"... So you still want to be with her..." Kaelyn said quietly.
 
"Well... you made a mistake. She would understand." His reaction made her feel empty, cold... numb. "Beg forgiveness and you might get it." Kaelyn stood up and grabbed her clothes and went to the bathroom.
 
Landon sat up and placed his face in his hands. "It's not just about Katrina," he said. "I'll never forgive myself for this..." It was like he was talking to himself. Nothing seemed to make sense anymore.
 
"Why..." he kept repeating. "Why, why, why..."
 
Kaelyn threw on a pair of pants. She looked over her body, tracing her finger over a scar on her right hip that she'd always told Landon was a birthmark. Listening to his voice, she threw on her shirt.
 
She went back to the bed to sit next to him. "You have to forgive yourself. Or forget. Or you can keep going on asking yourself these questions. Maybe your mom kept failing because she never forgave herself. Couldn't figure out how to move on..."
 
Landon listened to her but continued to tremble. "I don't know what to do now..." he told her. "Do I tell her? Do I keep it a secret?"
 
"You and I both know keeping secrets doesn't work. You know what you have to do. So go and do it. Don't wait. Don't hesitate. Just... do it."
 
"She won't forgive me," he said. "I really, really like her... I can't let our relationship fail just because of this..." He wiped his face and turned to her. "I'm not mad at you."
 
Kaelyn got up and opened the door. "She might not. She might, who knows. I know you really like her. So..."
 
Her green eyes lost the some of the warmth they had earlier. The warmth that almost seemed to be trying to break free. Her eyes iced over.
 
"Just go to her."
 
Landon stared at her and sensed the coldness in her voice. Great, so she was mad. Or maybe not mad, but perhaps a little... betrayed? Hurt? She clearly did not like that fact that he still liked Katrina.
 
He got out of the bed and pulled his clothes on slowly. He reached up and pulled his jacket's hood over his head and walked toward the door and stopped in front of Kaelyn.
 
"Are you upset?" he asked her, wiping his face again to make sure it was dry.
 
Kaelyn shook her head. "No. Why would I be upset? I'm not your girlfriend." She lied. She was mad, no. Not mad. Betrayed was the word that fit the most. He said he wouldn't leave. He succumbed to the same feelings she felt for him. Yet, he would still leave. Just like all of the others.
 
"Now come on. I think you have someone more important to be seeing."
 
He looked at her carefully, studying her face. What was she thinking?
 
"You can't blame me for being upset, Kaelyn," he said. "She [i]is[/i] my girlfriend after all. You know that as well as I do. It's nothing personal." He forced a small smile despite his immense sadness and raised his hand to her cheek.
 
She pushed his hand down, shaking her head. "Stop. Don't do that. I'm not blaming you for anything. I understand." But she was sure he didn't. He is upset about his past, and hurting Katrina. Yet, he seemed to forget all the emptiness he would be leaving her to contend with. She knew Katrina was his 'girlfriend'. But... the two of them, Kaelyn and him... felt like so much more.
 
"I know it's not personal."
 
He took another good look at her, from her head to her toes. He saw her walls were higher than ever. In a way, he felt bad. He had been right; that sex had caused nothing but complications, like it always did.
 
"Is it possible to love two people at the same time?" he asked her, avoiding eye contact.
 
What the hell kind of question was that? Kaelyn wanted to slap him, but she kept as calm as possible. You could love two people, but not in the same way and definitely not the same time. Kaelyn refused to answer.
 
"Go."
 
Landon shrugged. "Just a question," he explained. He turned and walked out the door into the rain.
-----
The sky was opaque with clouds and rain drizzled down lazily. A cold wind that heralded the onset of winter blew past Landon, sending a shiver down his spine. His hood covered his eyes and most of his upper face and his hands were shoved into the jacket's pockets. His eyes were focused mostly on his feet and the ground. He felt like he lacked the energy to even lift up his chin.

He felt a vibration against his leg and his heart sank. He felt nauseous. He just wanted to delete everything that had happened that day.

More and more uncomfortable thoughts began to go through his mind. His pace quickened. His breathing increased. He could feel a panic attack coming on.

[i]No,[/i] he thought. [i]I'm fine. Everything's fine. I need to relax.[/i]

He looked up at last and saw the illuminated sign of one of the campus's Dunkin' Donuts. Partially to avoid the increasingly heavy rain but mostly to grab a drink, Landon quickly made his way toward the entrance.

As he stepped up to the register to order, he felt another buzz inside his pocket.

"What would you like today?" the smiling, brunette cashier asked.

Landon was looking down at the counter. Her words sounded distant to him, but he willed himself out of his trance to look up and order a black coffee, pay, and sit down at a bar stool at a counter in front of a wide window.

With his hood still up, he rested his head on his right hand and stared down at the bar blankly, his mind now exhausted and devoid of thought. It felt like time sped up but stopped at the same time.

"Black coffee!"

Stifling a groan, Landon got up from his stool and quickly grabbed his drink and returned to his spot at the counter. He observed the environment outside, watching a car drive by every now and then, spraying out showers of water every time it crossed a puddle. No one walked by on the sidewalk, and the rain was growing heavier.

Without lowering his eyes from the window, Landon slowly lifted the cup up to his lips and let the hot coffee sting his mouth slightly before swallowing it. He enjoyed unconstrained bitterness of black coffee. It was relaxing in a way, but the caffiene also made his mind feel sharper and more alert.

He ignored a third vibration from his pocket and continued to drink his coffee slowly, sip by sip, observing the outside.

Kaelyn's mother Janelle, sat on the other end of the counter and watched Landon and studied his worn down and ragged look she knew all too well. She took a sip of her coffee with sad eyes looking out at the rain as it softly pattered against the window pane. At last, she got up and moved over by Landon and sat down next to him.

Janelle sighed. "Yep... I know that look all too well." She said, looking at Landon and clinking her coffee to his like saying "cheers". 

"She can do that to you. My daughter, of course. But, I had it coming... It makes me sad to see you be a victim of something you can't control," Janelle took another sip, "Tell me, what's your name?"

Landon's icy blue eyes looked over at the woman who had just moved a couple seats down to join him. At first, he didn't understand what she meant but then remembered that this was the woman who had been in Kaelyn's dorm when he arrived a couple hours ago. It was her mom, who had apparently just gotten out of drug rehab.

Landon exhaled deeply through his nose. "Landon," he answered curtly. He moved his focus back to the window and watched a fallen leaf be swept down the gutter on the side of the street on a stream of swiftly running water.

"Your daughter's a bitch," he said through gritted teeth. He knew that wasn't the right word, but his anger was beginning to find its way out from where he had been keeping it bottled up.

Janelle nodded her head as Landon introduced himself, and nodded again when words of anger came spewing from his mouth. She placed her coffee on the table and moved it over to the side. Janelle then turned herself so she could face Landon better.

"Yeah... she has her rough moments. But, you should've seen her before her father died and I messed up... A smile that could light up your world and a laugh that could make you laugh in turn. She had such warmth... A warmth that my sister says has disappeared over time. Only showing itself now and again. I took that warmth from her... I know it. After everything, she's cold and hardened. Strong girl, but fragile underneath it all. I'm sure you've seen the walls she puts up, but if you've seen the walls, you'd know too that she's like glass underneath. Cracked glass at that."

Landon didn't budge. He listened to what Ms. Skye said about Kaelyn, but it didn't look like he was interested. In reality, everything she said he either already knew or didn't come as a suprise to him. It didn't quell any of his growing resentment toward Kaelyn.

"I guess I should've remembered that you easily get cut on broken glass," Landon said with another sip of his coffee.

Janelle laughed slightly at what he said. But it wasn't warm, it was bitter. "I can see you're broken glass as well." She responded quickly. "Perhaps you've both cut each other and just don't know how to react."

She studied his disinterested face, but could see the rage within his eyes. "You can be angry at her if you must... But don't hate her. How is she expected to feel close with anyone when everyone abandoned her or... abused her." 

His eyes widened for just a moment but quickly returned to their neutral position. The more he thought about it, the more he continued to pile the blame on Kaelyn. She was abused, sure, but that's bound to happen if you go on being the 'player' for too long. Any relationship, even those that lack any kind of real feeling, puts you and your psyche in an extremely vulnerable position. The risk, the short-lived lust, is just too addictive.

"I could say I don't hate her," Landon said. "But then I'd be telling you a lie."

The rainfall grew even heavier. Those who were about to leave the coffee shop stood cautiously behind the door, weighing the risks of running to their car and getting wet or waiting out the rain.

"How can [i]I[/i] be expected not to hate her, after all the shit she's put me through?" he asked. His voice was unnervingly calm.

She paused and thought over his question for a moment. She even thought that he didn't quite understand all she had said. Janelle looked him over and mainly focused in on his eyes. He may try to hide emotions by putting on a blank look on the surface, but she was too skilled at her age to be fooled by it. 

"I believe you would be telling me a lie." She said, calmly taking another sip.

"You love my daughter and there's no doubt about it. You're confused. Perhaps about that phone that's been buzzing non-stop in your pocket for the last few minutes. And by phone I mean another girl. Us old folk know these things." Janelle softly chuckled to herself.

"As for your question... It's understandable. After all, how can Kaelyn be expected to not hate me after I abandoned her, told her I hated her. Not only that, when she needed me most... I didn't even realize that my boyfriend at the time sexually and physically abused her... She was only 14... The people she needed to trust fucked her over. I get why she puts on the act. It's so that she can hurt you before you can ever hurt her."

Landon closed his eyes and breathed slowly through his nose. He didn't want to say anything but another buzz from his pocket prodded him to continue the conversation.

"First of all," he started, his voice still low, "I don't love your daughter. There's no 'love' between us at all, according to her." Of course, he wasn't telling the complete truth, and even though Ms. Skye could probably see right through his lie, he didn't care in the slightest. "Secondly," he continued, "if you're trying to procure any pity from me for Kaelyn, it isn't working. Yeah, her life sucks, I get it. But I've known her since the summer. We've bonded on more than just a physical level. I've demonstrated to her multiple times how much she means to me and that I'm obviously different from all the other guys in her past. She made a conscious choice to end what we had back at camp, but all of a sudden when she sees me again, it's like, she uses my old feelings for her to trick me into giving her what she wants."

His fingers that were wrapped around the coffee cup were trembling slightly.

"She's obviously the conflicted one here. She's self-destructive. She drinks herself into a daze when she sees me, but make it clear that everything we have is nothing. And now, when I finally get my shit together and start to move on, she worms her way back into my life and lights everything I've built up on fire."

Janelle slammed her fist on the counter. "I've had enough. Enough of your crying, enough of your blame."

"You do love my daughter or you wouldn't be getting up all in a fuss about it. And don't think for a second that I buy any of that bullshit that she doesn't love you back. I know my daughter. I bet you that she never actually said the sentence 'I don't love you.' to your face." She adjusted herself and looked Landon straight into his eyes.

"Sure, I want you to feel some pity for her. But, that's only because she never asks for it herself! And you goddamn know that! I bet you it took forever to find out her real past, because she doesn't ask for pity, she moves forward through any damn thing anyone's ever put in front of her. Listen to your goddamn self, she's supposed to accept your love and admit loving you after a few months of camp? A camp where you two would leave to two distant places? After all she's been through? She probably didn't trust you fully then, and never wanted to tell you anything because she was afraid you would get up and leave. Well guess what! She was goddamn right! The first time she ever tells you anything, what did you do, Landon? What did you do... You fucking left, that's what you did. She didn't worm her way into your life, she never left. You both did this to each other."

Landon frowned at her as she seethed at him. Unlike Kaelyn's previous descriptions of Ms. Skye, she seemed very concerned about her daughter's wellbeing at the present.

"I left because she got me to cheat on my girlfriend," he said. The words tasted sour on his tongue. "I'm getting in a fuss about it not because I love her, but because now I'm beginning to realize I won't be able to have either of them."

"She's a smart girl... Did it ever cross your mind that she thought she was losing you... Only to keep you close for as long as she could?"

Landon shook his head. "If she wanted to keep me close," he explained, "she shouldn't have been so defensive when I told her I loved her. I understand that maybe she wasn't ready to completely let her walls down, but what she felt doesn't change the truth in what I said. She knows as well as I do that getting me to say that means I won't leave... But it's not a one-way deal, and saying no was a mistake on her part."

He took a final sip from his coffee and placed the empty cup back on the counter with a shaky sigh. He reached his hand up and anxiously rubbed his forehead, dreading what horrors the future would have in store for him nearby.

"She wants to keep me as close for as long as she can," he repeated with a small, sarcastic chuckle. "Well, she's got a funny way of showing it. If anything, she's just pushed me away farther than ever. I want nothing to do with her. It was a mistake. She and I never should have happened. But you know what? It's fine. I believe in second chances. No one needs to know about this. It was a mistake. We all make mistakes. I'm gonna go on like none of this ever happened."

Just then, the Dunkin' Donuts door swung wide open. A brunette stood alone in the door way with wet hair and a soaked shirt. It was Kaelyn. She saw Landon and came running over.

"Landon! I-," she stopped and saw her mother. "I.. Why is she... why are you?"

"Honey, I can explain." Kaelyn took a step back.

"No... I should've known better." Tears seemed to form in Kaelyns eyes, she shook her head and sprinted out away from Landon and Janelle.

"Wait!" He hardly had time to think. Everything happened in a blink of an eye. Landon jumped up from his seat and took a step toward the door, but stopped himself. She wouldn't listen. He stood there for a second, facing the door, and slowly turned back to face her mom.

"Why was she so upset?" he asked, his eyes now filled with concern.

"She hates me. It's no wonder that if she sees you with me, she'll immediately assume you're against her. Not on her side. No one's ever on Kaelyn's side."

Landon shook his head, confused. "Not on her side? It seems like you're the one who's the most on her side."

Janelle smiled. "Yes... but how can she know that or trust that after what I've done in the past? Past failings haunt her. And another close person she connects with appears to have failed her again... Even if you haven't. She's hurting, Landon. Hurting far more than you can ever know."

Landon's anger and confusion was reaching a fever pitch inside him. He felt pressure from Kaelyn, from her mom, from Katrina... The air felt dense and viscous and seemed to want to crush him.

"This isn't my fault!" he yelled suddenly, his calm atmosphere suddenly dissolving. A few confused people looked up at the two.

A silence grew between them, and Landon knew he couldn't let the scene get any more out of hand. Without saying another word to her, he stormed out the door toward his dorm.