It had been after their second album that Brendon realised things were moving too fast for him to be comfortable, that he was getting older than he could stand already, and the intensity of his feelings towards Ryan threw him completely off balance. He was still young- too young, you could say, to he the frontman of a band with their level of success- and he wanted to stay like that, experience everything youth had to offer, and he came to the reluctant conclusion that staying in this relationship but jeopardise that. Brendon wasn’t right, of course, but to his inexperience with relationships, the future looked kind of bleak. If they were this in love, a future fight or breakup would be just as intense and hard-hitting; that, or they’d just carry on, and Brendon wasn’t sure whether he was ready for that kind of commitment. It was funny, really- he didn’t tend to over think things; that, ironically, was Ryan’s forte. But he still wasn’t sure how Ryan really felt about it all, because he’d mostly just stayed quiet.

The breakup itself would have been difficult anyway, but it was even more of a struggle because Brendon still wasn’t sure why he was breaking up with Ryan in the first place. Out loud, he knew saying ‘I don’t want to be [i]shackled[/i] to anyone yet’ (of course he wasn’t shackled to Ryan, he’d just been told by some of his other friends that being in such a committed, long-term relationship so young was like a jail sentence) sounded ridiculous and kind of insensitive out loud. And it was. Brendon was just too caught up in his anxiety and apprehension for the future that he didn’t stop to breathe, or think, or actually weigh up his options rather than turning up to Ryan one day and trying to let him down as gently as he could. Luckily, there was no drama, really- Ryan was obviously stricken by the unexpectedness of this revelation, but he didn’t really protest. Brendon would be lying if he said that didn’t annoy him slightly- no arguments surely meant he never really cared in the first place. Telling himself that made it easier to sever the ties. 

But he was still in love, and that fact became painfully obvious once he was this close to Ryan again. Brendon wasn’t ashamed of letting his evidently consistent attraction to his ex-boyfriend known, because [i]shit[/i], he was pretty, and [i]fuck[/i], he was tall. What was even better was that Ryan returned the attention and the air between them was kind of thick, almost electric. The tension was there, again, like that evening in front of the cabin, but it was familiar this time, and accompanied by a profound passion and longing that Brendon really was not trying to conceal. They were on the same page, Brendon was barely keeping it together, what were they [i]doing[/i]? Why hadn’t they kissed and made up already? The question was almost raised, but Brendon kept quiet, before impulsively deciding to just change the subject because the tension was killing him.

[i]Understandable, actually.[/i] Suppressing the raise on an eyebrow, and turning again to study Dallon across the room, he noted that Ryan agreed with him, but wondered whether his ex was trying to get a reaction. [b]”Oh, you agree?”[/b] He had succeeded. Though Dallon was cute, undeniably, the fact that Ryan pointed that out... Brendon felt himself straighten as much as possible, and when he had Ryan’s attention again, he bit his lip, trying not to say anything too embarrassing and instead attempting to regain Ryan’s full attention. He still knew the things that made Ryan weak- that seemingly casual, fully intentional lip bite was one of them. Ryan was something of a sucker and Brendon was somewhat evil.

[i]Hey.[/i] The sudden noise made him jump, and he laughed slightly at his own reaction, before it died at the back of his throat because Ryan had touched him. His mind drifted to some unsavoury places. [i]I missed you. A lot.[/i] Brendon felt himself warm up. He missed him too. They fit so well together, even after all this time. [i]It’s been weird without you. It was worse in the beginning, but it’s like everything’s kind of... off.[/i] Brendon grinned. The alcohol he had consumed previous had now fully reached him, and though his common sense told him this was a serious moment he shouldn’t ruin, his lack of filter made him just impulsively speak. [b]”You’re right. I am very sexually frustrated.”[/b] He was dead serious for a moment, then cracked up, if only as an afterthought. [b]”No, but, I- I missed you too.”[/b]

[i]You’re here, and I feel a little normal again.[/i] It was the same for Brendon. Without Ryan, nothing really felt right, and his life was a little... Lacking. They were so close now. Brendon hung onto Ryan’s tie, this time, looking up at him through his dark eyelashes. It would be so painfully easy and the urge was killing him. [b]”...Me too. Where have you been all my life?”[/b] He teased, but then he was at a loss of what to do. Brendon just hesitated for a moment, his head kind of clouded. He felt the need to fill even the momentary silence, but couldn’t think of something to say.