Even though physically, Brendon was at Gabe’s dumb party, wearing a dumb outfit and drinking some fancy drinks he didn’t know the names of, in his head he was somewhere else, in a universe where he’d sucked it up and not bolted from the most meaningful relationship he’d ever had just because he had been momentarily skittish and then overreacted. Brendon was daydreaming about a situation where they were still together, and maybe kissing in the corner rather than dancing awkwardly around the elephant in the room, or even staying at home instead and giving this party (and Gabe) the cold shoulder entirely. That would be much more favourable than this, the crushing tension between them, the sense of urgency he felt- like this was his last shot. For what? Brendon wasn’t sure. Even he didn’t have the audacity to just straight up ask the person he dumped to give him a second chance. Not directly, anyway- the subtext was still definitely there, and it was undeniable. The spark still existed and the fire hadn’t gone out.

Then again, maybe it was good to be apart for a while, to gain so perspective, to fully realise how much Ryan meant to him. He was doing just fine without them, then he saw his face- and he had fallen again, just as hard, and this time there was history and memories and love and Brendon couldn’t look at him without a montage of their relationship playing through his head. It was so strange to have been with someone in so many ways, so intimately, and then having to behave so normally. Not that Brendon actually did behave like was probably acceptable for someone to act with their ex, but then Brendon had never really cared what was ‘acceptable’. That was why he was fully putting his knowledge of what made Ryan weak at the knees, so to speak, to the test; and Ryan was falling for it in a way that was kind of endearing. Three solid counts of Mississippi were all it took for Ryan to manage to drag his eyes away from Brendon’s mouth.

They were so close, now, and Brendon was buzzed enough that his common sense and filter had basically crumbled, so to him, it was perfectly acceptable to talk about libido with an ex-boyfriend, even if it was a joke. Ryan’s expression told him that he still hadn’t com to expect some of the things that came out of Brendon’s mouth, no matter how well he knew him. He was clinging on to Ryan’s tie, making eye contact and almost willing him silently to make a fucking move like he had been sub-textually begging him to do for their entire reunion. For a moment, he was sure it was going to happen, and his breath caught in his throat- but then Ryan was moving back. Brendon’s grip on the tie slackened and his hands fell to his sides. For a moment, he mourned the loss; but suddenly Ryan’s hand was against the small of his back and nothing had ever felt so simultaneously comforting and electrifying all at once. It seemed that Brendon had conveniently forgotten exactly what Ryan could do to him- even after all this time.

[i]I think I need another drink. You’re definitely ahead of me.[/i] Brendon wasn’t really listening, just nodded faintly and allowed himself to be guided towards the kitchen, silently praying it was empty- but apparently the universe was cruel and there were, albeit few, people around. He cursed silently, and mourned again the loss of closeness between them as Ryan moved away to make himself a drink. Brendon didn’t shift his attention the entire time, watching until Ryan turned back around, leaning against the counter. [i]Also, dating other people sucks, after you. Very inconsiderate of you to be the best I’ve ever had.[/i] Trying his best to look apologetic, Brendon lifted his shoulders helplessly, already impressive confidence skyrocketing because he was the [i]best,[/i] Ryan had said it himself. Not that he had any doubts to begin with. Brendon exhaled. [i]Keep it together.[/i] [b]”What can I say?”[/b] A pause. [b]”Same here. Nobody else- nobody knows me like you did. Nothing feels as comfortable, or as good- we just. Fit.”[/b] He wasn’t sure if he was making any sense. Distantly, he told himself to just shut up, and was saved by Ryan speaking. 

[i]Question.[/i] [b]“Hit me,”[/b] He replied instantly, letting Ryan pull him closer again, again feeling a Rush because he was too tall than was actually fair, now. [i]How sober are you? I - I don't know if... maybe this isn't the best timing for me to... say something serious. Which I need to do. Do you mind?[/i] Something serious? Was he dying or something? Brendon let his head tilt, questioningly, but then forgot what he was going to ask. [b]”Just buzzed. Pretty much sober,”[/b] Came his respones, and suddenly there was nervous apprehension. Fuck. Why hadn’t Ryan just taken initiative and kissed him? He could have done it immediately upon their reunity, and Brendon would have welcomed it. Now he was almost [i]thirsty[/i] for it again, after all this time. Worth the wait.