[@BrokenPromise]
[hider=Hider]Going to just reply real quick and say adororant is a typo—meant to say "adorant," so good catch there! Not sure what happened in my brain, and am surprised (horrified) my spellcheck didn't catch that.

Em dash-wise, I'll definitely tone it down next time. Have been sticking to "no more than 1-2 em dashes per paragraph" as my rule of thumb, but will add "no more than 2 per sentence" to that list.

As for the story, it's definitely overly passive, but that was mostly a product of me trying to make it short and sweet. The idea was a passive one, and I'm not mad at how it turned it. However, I definitely will try a more active piece the next time I enter!

All in all, thanks for your feedback, especially on em dashes (my ongoing indulgence and obsession haha). [/hider]

[@SleepingSilence]
[hider=Hider]Sap here as well, being the writer and all, so you're not alone in that! I definitely agree some of the tangents were sort of boring, but I wanted to inconspicuously set up for my later reveal of Sophie's bullying. I guess my efforts at trying to hide her past scars made them overly flat, so will work on that in the future.

I'm not too sure about some of the grammatical phrasing you brought up, but I do agree I have a lot of unnecessary adverbs and words stuck in there. I'm definitely an overly frilly type of writer, and I'm working on that, so thanks for the pointers! 

The "storm, shower, drizzle, downpour" part was my (terrible) attempt at alliteration, and I assumed the strengths went something like storm > downpour > shower > drizzle but I suppose my ordering was awkward either way. Will tone the attempts at fanciness down in the future.

Forward vs forwards is something that I'm lax about, since I like "forwards" (British version) but am American. Technically neither is wrong, but I definitely alter between the two without much care.

This entry was exceptionally wordy since I'd wanted to convey a sort of elegant sadness or nostalgia with it, so I kinda let loose with the random fluff in an attempt to slow the reading pace down and emulate Sophie's mental state. However, I have a problem with fluffiness in my usual writing, so I'll work on that.

But, thanks so much for the feedback! Good points all around (curse my tendency to write run-ons), and thanks the vote![/hider]