He'd realised, somewhat belatedly, that although he certainly would have liked to have spent the past few weeks with Brendon, their relationship uninterrupted, maybe it was best that they got some space. Ryan got the opportunity to find out that, yes, everyone else in the world was so [i]boring[/i] when they weren't Brendon, when they weren't composed of 90% talent, when they didn't just [i]know[/i] Ryan the way Brendon seemed to since the first second they saw each other. It sucked, basically. He took some time to himself, too, to figure out if he was just more of the lonely type, but after a few nights in his apartment with no one there to ground him, Ryan came to the conclusion that he was a little goddamn crazy. Was it wise to want to suck Brendon back into a life where he had to always observe his neuroses? Maybe not. But Ryan was kind of selfish, anyway. 

And, clearly, both of them had gone through their own personal evolution. Ryan hadn't asked but he assumed maybe Brendon had tried dating other people, too - and he did know that Brendon entertained a brief crush on that bassist, Dallon, so he was capable of interest in other people, but evidently nothing more. Plus, Ryan found it a little funny that his 'type' was rather specific, like he'd inspired it or something. Tall and built like a straight-up spaghetti noodle, an untidy mop of brown hair, rather awkward party behavior (as he'd noted that Dallon, too, looked entirely out of place from the more sociable people around him) - it was all very convenient. Embarrassingly, Ryan probably would've been the same about Brendon if [i]anyone[/i] had cropped up that even vaguely matched his description. Hadn't happened. His uniqueness was a blessing and a curse; it was good that no stranger had reminded him of all the old times, but it became even harder to see him again without dumbly confessing his surviving affection.

So maybe time was good. It was a self-discovery period, or something like that (though Ryan was fairly certain most people took much longer for those). Now he was kind of over the perpetual feeling of loneliness and something being 'off,' buried deep enough that he was functioning anyway, but that surfaced almost immediately once Brendon had initially approached him here. He was dumbly stuck in their weird little world in the corner of the party where they flirted constantly and the subtext that nearly matched the cabin's was almost physically painful to ignore. Then again, 'ignore' was probably not the best word; if he ignored his feelings and the depth of the circumstances and any connection they may have had, then he'd be in the midst of a polite and normal conversation rather than behaving the way he had been. His trip back to the bar was sort of a dodge out of their close encounter but also an effort to gain some liquid courage, because apparently he couldn't just muster it up himself.

[i]What can I say?[/i] Ryan smiled at his showmanship, the familiarity soothing, but after a pause Brendon seemed to let his guard down somewhat. [i]Same here. Nobody else- nobody knows like you did. Nothing feels as comfortable, or as good- we just. Fit.[/i] Ryan was grateful that he wasn't alone in that feeling, but then he'd never want Brendon to feel that way. It was a little isolating if you couldn't distract yourself with something, and it seemed like Brendon had so there was nothing to worry about, but. Still. His instinct was to protect Brendon from all the bad stuff, and yet they both had to go through that. He quickly tried to move on so he didn't have to dwell on it too long, not gracing Brendon's words with a verbal answer but nodding meaningfully. He'd already said his part, anyway.

He knew what Brendon had been anticipating, back where they had stood before, and of course he longed for the same. But they always started things off on the wrong foot; he wanted to do it right for once. Maybe it was stupid to interrupt a tradition like that, but he didn't want to waste any time recalibrating. Nice to know that he possessed the superhuman ability to ignore every pressing desire to kiss Brendon, though, because it really felt out of his control for a couple of moments. The disappointment on Brendon's features was tangible, and Ryan hoped that for once he made enough sense to just be straightforward. [i]Just buzzed. Pretty much sober.[/i] Ryan could have argued with that, used every innuendo he'd heard from Brendon in the past few minutes as an example for why he didn't think 'pretty much sober' was  accurate judgment, but. He had other concerns.

Once Brendon was close enough again, Ryan's hands naturally went to his waist, settling comfortably as if he were about to guide him in a slow dance. Kind of weird, given the pop music blasting in the background, but their own little bubble they'd created protected him from being too bothered about that. [b]"We always act first, talk later. I just wanted to do it right this time,"[/b] he explained, his voice low, and of course the 'act' was the kiss that he'd put on pause, but the term applied to their past in plenty of different scenarios. [b]"I think... maybe the distance wasn't a mistake; it certainly helped me get some perspective, personally. But."[/b] He paused, hesitant. He didn't want to back Brendon into a corner if he'd been wrong this whole time and his feelings were really one-sided. Ryan took the risk anyway. [b]"It would have been nice to come here with you. It'd be nice if we did [i]everything[/i] together again, like we used to."[/b]

He ducked his head briefly before thinking better of it and braving eye contact instead. [b]"I don't want to just- try to forget you, after this party. I don't think I could."[/b] Still, Ryan wasn't the one who ducked out originally. He wasn't the one who got scared (or, at least, not to the same extent). So it wasn't his choice whether they were together again or not. His voice grew a little softer and he gradually pulled them closer, vulnerable as ever. [b]"You weren't sure, back then. How do you feel now?"[/b] One hand left Brendon's waist and instead fit against his jawline, his thumb brushing just to the side of Brendon's mouth as if he were already marking where exactly to place his kiss. If his own patience was growing thin, Ryan was pretty sure Brendon was totally out.