Brendon didn’t think they ever started things off on the [i]wrong[/i] foot- Sure, it was kind of backwards in theory, with confessions of love coming before dates and kisses before even admitting romantic feelings or attraction, but it never felt wrong. In fact, he liked it better the way they did it- there was no awkward stage, no waiting around (okay, so maybe eight months of suppressed attraction could be classed as waiting around), and no blurred lines. Everything had always been clear between them and their relationship, up until the end, was affectionate and loving and Brendon had been genuinely happy. He still kind of hated himself for bolting so suddenly and costing him months without Ryan in his life. Brendon had overestimated his ability to survive without kisses or attention for extended periods of time, and since he reallt did thrive on other people’s appreciation sometimes, it was true that Brendon did have the capacity to have crushes on people and desire intimacy again when other people would have thought it too soon. It didn’t mean that Ryan didn’t mean that much to him- he just kind of craved the connection, and searched for it even though he knew in his heart that people like Ryan only came around once in a lifetime.

Perspective was all well and good, but Brendon was kind of bored of looking back and now wanted to look forward into what he hoped was a future with Ryan. Fuck past Brendon and his delusioned fears and subsequent choices. He was fully ready to kind of forget that the past few months had actually even happened. In a few weeks it would be just like a strange fever dream. Unfortunately, Ryan didn’t seem to agree; he wanted to address it ‘head on’ or whatever. Annoying. [i]We always act first, talk later.[/i] And it worked so far. Brendon wasn’t sure what point he was trying to make, but he didn’t much care, because oh[i] fuck[/i], Ryan’s hands were at his waist and his breath hitched. [i]I just wanted to do it right this time.[/i] Brendon opened his mouth to say something like [i]are you saying the first time I kissed you I did it wrong,[/i] but given their situation as a broken up couple possibly in the process of ‘kissing and making up’ (with not enough kissing for Brendon’s liking), he kept it to himself and just kind of nodded.

[i]I think...  maybe the distance wasn’t a mistake; it certainly helped me get some perspective, personally. But.[/i] Impatient, Brendon reached up again to hang onto his tie, pulling on it a little in the hope of urging him on. No such luck- he wondered exactly how desperate he came across, and exhaled. [b]”True, but you also got fuckin’ taller, and you’re still... frustratingly hot. I-“[/b] Brendon’s low voice almost surprised himself, and he twisted his other hand around Ryan’s tie too, looking up at him through his eyelashes. [b]”I think if there’s another second of ‘distance’ I’m actually going to die.”[/b] There was no embarrassment in his tone, just unabashed honesty, because Brendon really was going to go crazy. He swore Ryan was doing this on purpose.

[i]It would have been nice to come here with you. It'd be nice if we did everything together again, like we used to.[/i] So, this was his way of asking him out again. It was a crime how somebody could be so endearing and so annoyingly attractive at the same time- the qualities shouldn’t mix, and Brendon couldn’t conjure up anything to say and simply nodded, fully not caring whether how enamoured he felt showed on his face any more. [i] I don't want to just- try to forget you, after this party. I don't think I could.[/i] [b]”Then don’t,”[/b] He said, softly, feeling himself melt into him when Ryan pulled him closer, the contact making his heart ache in the best way. Sure that this was the moment, he closed his eyes apprehensively- to be greeted by nothing. Brendon’s grip on Ryan’s tie tightened substantially. 

[i]You weren’t sure, back then. How do you feel now?[/i] Brendon studied him for a few moments, blinking slowly when Ryan’s hand fitted around his face and jaw, framing him gently. Only around Ryan did he feel so comfortable, so wanted, so gentle, so safe and so in love. There was nothing left to question. [b]”I’ve never been so sure of something in my life.”[/b]