Though this is quite late…

Of course! We’re delving into a character set that’s new or semi-new to you, so questions are expected and quite encouraged. And you’re welcome, though you did the hard part of actually ending it. ;-) 

Sounds about how I feel while editing SDC. Or any of my writings, really. xD No worries about mistakes! Though, going back to your first IC post here, this is a wonderful, rare opportunity for me to read and comment on something longer that you wrote with just your own characters interacting! So, I do have some comments and suggestions to make, if you’re okay with that! 

[hider=Comments and Suggestions]
[b]Comments:[/b]

> I know I've said it in our chat, but I want to compliment again how you added Lydia’s parents in there. It makes sense and gives a taster of what kind of people they are!

> Dreams are so much fun to play with. xD Yep, that’d be a nightmare in my book. But dang. Figures she would only have a break-out free face in a nightmare. 

> I feel for Lydia with Allison’s enjoyment of watching medical shows. And yelling at the TV in the meantime.

> “Grimacing at the fridge packed with odd-smelling leftovers, she weeded through a collection of beer and snatched her soda.” The number of things just the contents of a fridge can tell someone about a family is shocking! Excellent! Your small, life-giving details never cease to amaze me.

> Tee hee! He called her “Squirt.” I love her interactions with Mr. Prescott. Again, you show so much about the characters in such a short span of time! He’s such a guy. xD

> Your dialogue is wonderful and realistic, as usual!

> “Today was going to be a good, stress-free day.” Good luck with that, Lydia. >:-D

[b]Suggestions:[/b]

> Section breaks. Normally, when there’s some sort of break like that, one can expect a fairly decent time skip, significant scene change, or a character switch. The last one feels appropriate to me because of how you begin the following section, going from her house to somewhere else in Lion’s Ridge, but the others have a less distinctive change; it’s still Lydia, and she basically goes from one room/area of the house to another with little, if any, time shift. A quick sentence about once she was ready, she headed through the house could replace that first one, then there is enough of a link between, “She was already gone,” and, “Outdoors, Lydia took a deep breath” for it to be one event after the other, no extra sentence (or section break) needed.

> This is probably more of a personal preference, but I figured I would add it in, anyway. In transitioning from dream to reality, something a bit sharper, if you will, can help add the same bit of shock that the character feels. Basically, in place of a transition sentence, maybe use an extra space or some other kind of lesser spacer between the end of the dream and when the character wakes up, and then throw the reader directly into a new mindset by waking the character up. Another method I favor for giving that distinction between a dream and reality is using italics for the dream, but even that has its drawbacks. It’s been a while since I read anything involving dreams. The double return are the most common methods I can recall, but I'm sure there are others out there. Like I said, in the end, this topic is more preference based, I'd say, and changes from one writer/reader to the next, but that’s my two cents on the matter.

> Keep an eye out for the unnecessary passive voice. If a passive phrase can be changed without losing the sentence meaning, then change it if you can. The active voice is often a better option. While the passive voice has its place in many cases, the more you can avoid it, the better! Words to check are mostly forms of “to be,” such as “be,” “been,” “were,” “is,” “are,” “was,” and “had.” There's more to the passive voice than certain, specific words, but that's a good place to start. Dialogue is an exclusion. People use the passive voice often when they talk, so trying to always use the active voice there could make for some forced/unrealistic dialogue.
	A Couple Examples: [color=blue]“The linoleum [b]was[/b] cold against her feet, earning another shiver from the brunette.”[/color] Personally, I find “was” (and “had”) is one of the most difficult to eliminate, and easiest to use. It’s one that I need to work on weeding out a bit more, I think, as well. But here’s one possible difference between using that passive “was” vs. something more active: [color=green]“The cold of the linoleum floor against her feet earned another shiver from the brunette.”[/color]
	--[color=blue]“Beads of sweat [b]were[/b] on his brow…”[/color] vs. [color=green]“Beads of sweat glistened on/gathered on/rolled down/[pick your poison] his brow”[/color] or even simply, [color=green]“Sweat beaded on his brow…”[/color]
	--[color=blue]“The screams in her nightmare sounded in her mind. They [b]hadn't been[/b] human.”[/color] vs. [color=green]“The screams from her nightmare sounded in her mind. [i]Inhuman[/i] screams.”[/color]

		See/feel the difference between that passive and active voice?

> Unnecessary “that.” It’s easy to do. I know. But “that” can create wordiness, and be borderline passive depending on usage. If it can be removed from a sentence without affecting clarity, then nix it. Again, dialogue can be an exception, especially if the character in question has a thing for overusing “that,” and definitely has its place in writing. It's just a matter of figuring out where, exactly, that place is.

Writing is hard. But in my opinion, that’s one of the things that makes it so beautiful! Keep up the great work![/hider]