Though Brendon knew and was perfectly fine with the fact that he was in love with Ryan and always had been, he wasn’t exactly ready to fully combine their lives again- even if their inner circles had once been one, and had just split and grew when they had broken apart, just acting like nothing had ever happened wouldn’t go down well with anyone. Brendon dreaded to think how Spencer would react, but he wasn’t sure why; Spencer and Ryan had been best friends since childhood, then Brendon came along and kind of usurped the title from him, taking Spencer away upon the breakup. Knowing Spencer, he’d try and make it as easy as possible and he and Ryan would click again almost instantly. Though that was kind of what Brendon was afraid of- bringing people back together, and then there being on the horizon a chance that Brendon would freak out again and call it all off, or it just wouldn’t work out. Friendships would sever again inevitably and Brendon would feel at fault. He didn’t like having it all on his conscience.

That said, he wasn’t sure now whether he could bear spending much time away from Ryan again, because they seemed kind of one entity- both literally [i]and[/i] physically, they were so close together. Brendon’s thoughts were occupied by all manner of things but all linked back to Ryan- one of those trains of thought being which bedrooms in Gabe’s house were least likely to be used and furthest away from other people. But then he realised that maybe it wouldn’t be a good idea- they’d fall asleep and Gabe would find them in the morning (they kind of had a sixth sense for drama and turning up at the worst times for other people), and that would be kind of embarrassing for future slightly hungover them- even Brendon, who sometimes appeared to be practically shameless.

No matter how he came across, the belief that he was beyond embarrassment was entirely false, because when Ryan decidedly went down the route of leaving a bruise high on his neck he had tensed for a moment and considering asking him to stop. With that, he’d have no chance of explaining his absence to his bandmates, unless he dodged around the question of his company after he ditched Spencer and Dallon. His head immediately went to Gabe, but Spencer and Dallon weren’t stupid. They knew Brendon, he didn’t move on from things that quickly, and even if he did, he wouldn’t go about it like that. Brendon was effectively doomed to interrogation and then mockery. Fun. After several milliseconds of doubt he silenced his thoughts, though, because he knew that the mark would stay and Ryan wouldn’t be able to and this would be his reminder. Ryan finished his endeavour and turned up Brendon’s collar in a half-assed effort to hide it, and Brendon laughed a little, but he was really thinking about the familiar purple and red against the canvas of his pale, lightly freckled skin. [i]Thought you’d see it later and think of me.[/i]

[b]”Good thinking,”[/b] He offered, bringing a hand up to trace over it and then move his hand to curl around Ryan’s side again, [b]”But if you think I’m gonna need any prompting to think about you, you’re very wrong.”[/b] It was true. Ryan would be in his head perpetually after so long of forcing himself to forget how he kissed, the sound of his voice when he was sleepy, the colour of his eyes when the light levels were just right, how his hair went curly when it grew long enough, his presence beside Brendon in bed, his laugh, the smile he so often tried to hide. God, he was weak. [i]I love you.[/i] He was close to replying with ‘I know’ like some Star Wars nerd, but he was captivated anyway and couldn’t actually words or even sentences. He just let Ryan kiss him until he regained the ability. 

[i]I know what you mean.[/i] Oh, good. Wasn’t just him. [i]And you just keep givon my me reasons to love you more.[/i] Brendon laughed softly, raising a playfully questioning eyebrow and pressing a kiss against his jaw. [b]”Like what, baby?”[/b] Not allowing a reply, moments later they were melting into a kiss again, eyelids falling shut easily as he held himself as close as was possible, then when oxygen was unfortunately required, he chased him in vain, hands tight at Ryan’s hips. [i]I could listen forever.[/i] Doubtful, But a sweet sentiment. [i]I love you so much.[/i] Brendon smiled, feeling a hand drop to join Ryan’s other one down at the small of his back. [b]”Aw, you’re all flushed. Is it hot in here, or is it just me?”[/b] He grinned, nudging his foot with his own as if to edge him on to get the joke. 

[i]I don't know how we survived. Actually - I think I died and you brought me back to life tonight.[/i] Brendon leaned up again to the side of Ryan’s neck and found his pulse, pressing his lips against it and feeling it thrum with decent speed. [b]”You’re definitely alive now. Sound like you’ve sprinted somewhere, though. That my doing?”[/b]